Friday, January 29, 2010

Ninja Weapons

While helping a a friend move among other things his weapon collection last Saturday, I was reminded by a scene from the seminal Judd Apatow movie "Knocked Up." In the scene, Katherine Heigl picks up a sword at Seth Rogen's place and asks, "What is this?" He very matter-of-factly states that "it is a ninja weapon." In a movie filled with honest comedy,I found this scene to be the most accurate and funny of the bunch. It resonated with me largely because, as a single guy who does not practice any martial arts, I also have a large collection of "ninja weapons." And so does every one of my guy friends.

My friend postulated that there is a natural progression regarding the collecting of ninja weapons. One starts with nunchuks, then moves on to bo staffs, and finally sais. Swords can be picked up at any point, and daggers do not count. Within my group, ninja weapons are often exchanged as a sign of friendship.

Now why is it necessary for someone to have so many ninja weapons let alone any ninja weapons? For self defense, of course. When one has no training in unarmed combat, reliance on weapons to gain an advantage is of the utmost importance. And when one lives in a large, vulnerable house, having a large weapon collection insures that a weapon will always be within arms reach. Within my bedroom alone, I have a bokken (wooden katana) and KA-BAR fighting knife (as a dagger I suppose this does not count) beneath my bed. On my closet door are no less than three sets of nunchuks as well as manriki-kusari. By my door is a very light and fast bamboo pole. While not a ninja weapon, almost every room in my house has a baseball bat, including two to three by the front door for mob combat.

Being surrounded by deadly ninja weapons offers a sense of security. I never have to feel worried about being robbed or attacked in my own home. My complete ignorance of unarmed combat systems does not weigh heavy on my mind. For should anybody (even you, Reader)attempt to infiltrate my house unlawfully, he or she will be guaranteed to receive a bludgeoning like they wouldn't believe.

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