Saturday, April 10, 2010

More Top Ten Yokai

Since it looks as though you want more yokai, here are ten more of my favorite yokai.

1. tsuchikorobi
2. mokumoku ren
3. ashiarai yashiki
4. amikiri
5. kuchisake onna
6. bakezori
7. ippon-datara
8. betobeto-san
9. sagari
10. wanyudo

Baron Davis is a Sunovabitch

During the winter of 1998, I was busy deciding what university to attend out of a small handful of choices. Out of the six options, I had only one front runner predicated on several minor but important factors: that the university have a top tier NCAA men's basketball team, that it house a first-rate video game arcade, that one of my parents attended but did not graduate from it, and that it had not accepted me into its engineering school. There was only one clear choice, and that was UCLA.

At the time, UCLA had one of the best arcades in the country, often serving as a testbed for the newest arcade games, so new that they were often imported from Japan.

They also had one of the best basketball programs in the nation, having won the NCAA title in 1995, and finishing first in the Pac-10 conference two years in a row and third the two years after that. And with their phenomenal point guard, Baron Davis, they looked poised to continue their success.
baron-davisSI
So it was that I committed to UCLA with expectations of watching Davis and the Bruins hoist a Pac-10 title banner or whatever they do at Pauley Pavilion, while spending many leisure hours at the arcade working on my lackluster Street Fighter skills.

Then, just as my senior year of high school was wrapping up, Baron Davis declared himself eligible for the NBA draft—and singlehandedly tanked the UCLA basketball program for the next six years, or pretty much my whole collegiate career.

Baron Davis first ended up on my radar as one of the nations top high school basketball prospects. He was a local kid, having attended Crossroads School in Santa Monica. I remember watching him play in the McDonald's All-American Game, and winning the dunk contest against an impressive Kenny Gregory (Whatever happened to that guy?). So I was excited when I heard that he was going to be attending UCLA in 1997. I was already heavily favoring UCLA, so knowing that one of the top point guards in the nation was going to be running the show for the Bruins got me excited.

But it proved to be nothing but disappointment and desolation thereafter. Jim Harrick, the most successful UCLA basketball coach since the legendary John Wooden, was fired by UCLA in 1996 as a result of questionable decisions as well as controversy surrounding the recruitment of Baron Davis. That brought in Steve Lavin who took over as head coach and in the few short years thereafter proved that he wasn't fit to be the head coach of a top basketball program.

And Davis bolted right as the Bruins seemed to be gelling. Following his departure were several lackluster recruiting classes, with the team slipping lower in the Pac-10 rankings with each subsequent year. The arcade also went through several renovations, closing down at some points, and shrinking in size and diversity.

Instead of walking around campus hearing the buzz about how well Davis played in last night's game, I heard about how Earl Watson knocked up my friend's friend. And I had classes with guys like Matt Barnes who spent most of class throwing crap at the people seated in front of him in the penultimate row.

So, for the next five years, embittered by the dissolution of potential basketball magickry, I spent as little time as I possibly could on campus. In short, Baron Davis ruined my college experience. Add to that that although he is a good player, he's almost never lived up to the hype. Also add to that that wherever Davis goes, misfortune almost certainly follows. So I say screw you, Baron Davis, you sunovabitch.

Go-To Meal

Whenever I get to hankerin' for something fried but I can't go out, I go to my go-to meal: karaage and takikomi gohan. Karaage is just Japanese fried chicken. It's marinated in a 1-to-1 mix of sake and soy sauce. The takikomi gohan is a box mix that you just add to the uncooked rice in the rice cooker. It contains mountain vegetables, mushrooms, and konnyaku.

I eat this meal every two months, usually on days where I wake up late and haven't eaten anything. I usually only finish half of the two cups prepared rice, eating the remainder during the wee hours of the morning. For the karaage, I cook about 4-6 small boneless chicken thighs, none of which survive the initial meal. Yeah, I'm a pig, but at least I eat well.
4/10/10 Go-to meal

Friday, April 9, 2010

Dream House

I've been designing my dream house since I was 12. I'm considerably older now, but I've put a lot more thought into it since then. My current incarnation of the house includes the following: meat locker with whole sides of beef and pigs, indoor/outdoor pond, entryway trapdoor and slide, Velcro wall, adjacent indoor basketball court, obstacle course and shooting range, home theater, flood room, bomb shelter, armory, four-car garage, veranda, wooden deck in the rear, and gyroscope room. Most of those should be self-explanatory, but I'll focus on a few.

Indoor/outdoor pond: I like to swim, but I don't really need a pool. However I'm used to ponds, and I like koi. The indoor/outdoor pond resides halfway outside and halfway inside the living room. It is a relatively shallow stone pond than runs underneath one of the windows overlooking the backyard.

Velcro wall: As seen on Letterman, the Velcro wall is a great way to punish children, albeit in a fun way. Make them wear a Velcro suit and hang them up on the wall--facing the wall if they're particularly naughty.

Entryway trapdoor and slide: The front entryway of the house would be enclosed in a small dome. When someone rings the doorbell, you can trigger the trapdoor to open beneath them and they will slide into the basement playroom. It also makes for a quick way to get into the house.

Flood room: This room is another playroom of sorts that can be flooded up to several feet in depth. Great for acting out scenarios in which you're trapped on a sinking boat, or a scenario where you're trapped in the trash compactor with a Dianoga.

But secretly, I also have another dream house that is much, much simpler: a hamster house. I envy hamsters because their cages seem like so much fun. I like the idea of climbing through clear tubes. It's neat that they have a water dispenser that they can drink from at any time. And I always wanted a wheel to run in for hours on end. So my extra special dream house would be a multilevel giant hamster cage, but instead of wires, it would be enclosed in translucent plexiglass with blue wires running through it to create the illusion of a cage. Of course there would be clear red and yellow tubes running throughout. For privacy there would be a large, faux cardboard tube to sleep in. And I would have the world's largest hamster wheel to run in all day.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Time Train - Chapter 12

The Time Train rolls on with...
___


Just as Rhubarb T. Porterhut had surmised, they eventually reached the turn table at a literal dead end—the edge of a cliff with peppered with dried-up brown plants. It took a while for Rhubarb to get the turn table to work, as it looked at first to be rusted beyond use. It didn’t look as though it had been used for years.

“Why, Futureman, when was it last you saw one of the engineers pass through the train yard?”

Fibulious thought for a second, and held up two fingers. “Two days ago, I guess.”

“And you say you saw them return from the same direction?”

Fibulious nodded.

It didn’t seem right, and yet this was the only location where those engineers could have ended up. It was only a short distance from the train yard, and could not have been nearly enough time for them to make a significant trip into the future. So as they pulled away from the plateau, Rhubarb couldn’t help but feel wary.

Only eight short minutes later, they began to approach the train yard again. But as they drew closer, Rhubarb got the stark feeling that the train yard was ... different. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but it seemed even darker, more world-weary. Columbus felt something as well, as he began to shiver and shed uncontrollably, and voluntarily climbed into his sack.

Meanwhile Rhubarb slowed the engine down so that it crawled rather than charged toward the uninviting train cemetery. And he pulled Fibulious close to him, and kneeled down.

Without turning his gaze from the train yard ahead of them, Rhubarb gripped Fibulious’ shirt and pointed. “Futureman, does anything strike you as particularly odd about those trains.”

Fibulious stared in the direction indicated by Rhubarb, and squinted through the mist that had only just appeared. He stared a good long while before he could answer.

“I haven’t seen it from this direction, but I never seen those trains before.”

While still rusted and decayed, the trains that lay before them were of a type that Rhubarb had never seen. Furthermore the train yard seemed to be larger than it had been earlier, looming over the landscape like a bear embracing a salmon dinner on an empty stomach. As they neared the entrance, Rhubarb thought it best to make their way through as quickly as possible, and began feeding more wood to the fire.

“Steady, lads. We will just be a short time passing through this place, then we shall be back on the path for home.” He said it both to bolster the spirits of Columbus and Fibulious, as well as himself.

With the train beginning to pick up speed, Rhubarb began to relax, as did Fibulious, but Columbus was less sure. A low rumble soon began to rise up from the ground beneath them, until it overcame the roar of the engine and shook the earth.

“What is this? An earthquake?”

Rhubarb grabbed onto Fibulious who in turn held onto Columbus’ sack. The ground continued to churn beneath them while the sound of the rumbling started to morph into a shrill howl. They were about halfway through the train yard which seemed to stretch on for miles more.

“I have a grip on you, so hold tight to Columbus!” Rhubarb’s off hand held onto the frame of the cab. The world around them seemed to be inverting, as their engine fought to stay upright on the tracks.

At the edge of his peripheral vision, Rhubarb saw it—the decomposing trains were rising. Like iron giants, the train carriages and engines began to stir and stand on end, towering around them. The whole train yard was coming to life.

Rhubarb pulled Fibulious in closer and got his arm around him. “Just shut your eyes and hold on tight.” Both Fibulious and Columbus complied.

They were speeding along, but they still weren’t making enough ground to escape. All around them resurrected trains were shifting and howling. Even ones where the wheels had rusted off began to ride on ghostly rails alongside them.

Fibulious began to cry, but kept his eyes shut as instructed. “What’s happening?”

“Nothing, just a bit of a quake and the wind blowing,” Rhubarb tried to reassure the boy unconvincingly.

“This isn’t going to work,” thought Rhubarb to himself. “We need to get out of here this instant.”

Although his equilibrium was greatly affected by the revolting ground, Rhubarb was able to pull Fibulious and Columbus closer. “Fibulious, take hold of this handle.” He guided Fibulious’ hand, and once assured of his grip, sought about his task.

Leaving Fibulious firmly bolted to both the side of the cab and to Columbus, Rhubarb made his way slowly to the throttle. Hugging the walls, he made it to the throttle and opened up it up as far as it could go. They would burn a lot of fuel, but if they didn’t get out of there now, it would be a moot point. The engine surged forward even more, narrowly avoiding a collision from one of the derelict trains. Then, fighting the forces of physics, Rhubarb climbed toward the time dial. By now his body felt as though it was being pulled apart in multiple directions, and it took every ounce of his strength to keep himself from being flung out into time and space.

“Hold on, you two! And whatever you do, keep your eyes shut!”

With a last second lunge, Rhubarb reached for the time dial and turned it past the “T” in “PAST.” The rest of his strength he directed toward securing himself to a grouping of levers. He clenched his eyes shut as the engine shuddered around him. Through the howling he could hear the snapping and the popping of the metal surrounding him being pushed to its limits. In his mind he saw an image of his dear Florentine, and wondered if he’d ever get to wear the sweater she had been knitting when he left.

As Rhubarb thought about his wife, he noticed that the earth was no longer shaking and that the howling was dying down. When it all had subsided, he opened his eyes and pulled back on the throttle.

Fibulious and Columbus were up as well, staring out at the world that lay before them. Rhubarb had to rub his eyes hard at what he saw—they were no longer in the train yard. No, they now found themselves in the midst of a large forest.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

The Love of Unicorns Isn't Dead ... in Germany

Rainbowzomibesatemyunicorn
While perusing the daily blogs, one of my favorites, which shall go unnamed (*cough* Geekologie *cough*) as they're my primary competition in unicorn-related news, linked to a German unicorn image blog which I am going to link to now: Rainbowzombies Ate My Unicorn. I can't understand much on the site as although I have a German name, I must admit I am German illiterate, with the exception of Nazi-talk, a pseudo-German sub-language found mostly on WWII message boards and DOD forums. But what I can make out is if you click on the link for Einhörner (LOL, they're called "one horners" in Deutsch), you get a bunch of pictures of unicorns from around the internet.

The name of the blog alone is so powerful, as it contains two of my favorite things and one of my most feared things. I'll let you sort out which is which.

BONUS: The website even has zombie images!

Celebrity Sightings - Punky Brewster

I guess I should refer to her by her real name, Soleil Moon Frye, but to me, she'll always be Punky Brewster. And the friend of Sabrina the Teenage Witch.

I had the privilege of assisting her one time when I was working at Mail Boxes, Etc. I didn't recognize her at first, even though I'd watched enough Sabrina. If I remember correctly, she was shipping some stuff. In order to ship via UPS, Mail Boxes, Etc. has you fill out these forms, so I saw her name on that. She wasn't much at all like Punky Brewster, and definitely nothing like her character on Sabrina. In fact, she was super sweet and was the nicest customer I have ever had to deal with. Very gracious, forgiving, and understanding. If only all my customers were like that.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Yokai of the Week - Kappa

Out of all the hundreds and hundreds of yokai, kappa are probably the most well known. They resemble bipedal turtle men (like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) and live in and around water. They have an appetite for the shirikodama located in colons, which they get by plunging their fist through the rear end of any unfortunate animal or person. They have a water-filled dish on top of their head from which they derive their strength. Kappa, although capable of great violence, are polite creatures (in fact most yokai are), so one way of outsmarting them is by bowing deeply and respectfully, whereby they will have to return the gesture and the water will pour out of their dish, leaving them weak. They also have a penchant for cucumbers.
kappa

Monday, April 5, 2010

Rice Burger Extravaganza

I really wanted to make spaghetti with Italian sausage or linguine alle vongole tonight (since I've been craving those), but instead I took a different approach and decided to do something a little different and familiar at the same time. Using the yaki onigiri rice buns as the jumping off point, I decided to make three different types of rice burgers: gyu tan shio (beef tongue), bulgogi, and gyuniku. For those that don't know, none of Mos Burger's rice burger options have a conventional hamburger patty, despite the name. So instead of doing traditional burger patties this time, I used all sliced meats.

The gyu tan shio rice burger had thin slices of beef tongue salted and peppered and covered liberally with sliced green onion, chopped garlic, and fresh squeezed lemon juice. Gyu tan shio is usually found in yakiniku restaurants. It's very fresh tasting, and as such made an excellent rice burger. I would have preferred to have used Japanese sliced tongue, since it's a little bit thicker than the Korean market's offering, though.

I also bought a ready-to-cook package of bulgogi, which I cooked and drained for use in the bulgogi rice burger. I made it like how Mos Burger does it, with the meat tucked into a red lettuce leaf. It's already been tested and marketed, so I was assured it would be delicious.

Since I didn't buy enough sliced beef at the market, I used some frozen pork loin slices from home to make the gyuniku. The meat should have been fattier, but most of the packages at the market were lean. It was the sloppiest of the three rice burgers, since the onion retained a lot of juice. One suggestion was to wrap the entire burger in a lettuce leaf rather than just wrapping the meat, which I plan to explore in the future.
DSC01014
From left to right: gyu tan shio rice burger, bulgogi rice burger, gyuniku rice burger.

Out of the three, my favorite was the gyu tan shio rice burger, with the bulgogi a close second, and the gyuniku a distant third. I plan to do a little more experimenting with this in the future, since it seems to be a delicious idea so far untapped in the U.S.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Ask MidnightHunnyRun

DEAR MIDNIGHTHUNNYRUN:

If you could choose between monsters or aliens, which would you rather be? -- ANIMAL BABY, BEMIDJI, MN

DEAR ANIMAL BABY: I think it would be fun to be either an alien or a monster. Aliens get to fly through space, explore planets, make crop circles, and probe humans--but monsters get to scare little kids, and I think that would be a bit more fun. Nothing could be more delightful than jumping out of some kid's closet in the middle of night and scaring him, then hiding and watching as the crying child tries to explain to his disbelieving parents that there really was a monster there. Then of course jumping out again as soon as his parents go back to bed.