Saturday, May 15, 2010

The Sound of Pioneer Chicken

I know I've talked about Pioneer Chicken a lot, and I've already done a review, but guess what? I've got something new to add: the sound of Pioneer Chicken.

Because Brother G was visiting, we had Pioneer Chicken. I finally managed to hold back my desire to tear into it just long enough to take a picture.
5/15/10 Pioneer Chicken
That's 20+ pieces of golden fried goodness. And here's what it sounds like when biting into it:

Isn't that just awesome? The outer crust is so crispy, yet the flesh underneath is so juicy. It's everything I could want in a fried chicken. Or a woman.

Top Ten Celebrities Whose Autographs I Would Like and On What

1. Nicolas Cage - "The Wicker Man" or "The Rock" DVD
2. Michael Jordan - basketball card
3. Tom Hanks - "You've Got Mail" DVD
4. Meg Ryan - "You've Got Mail" DVD
5. Alexis Stewart (Martha Stewart's daughter) - anything
6. Bruce Willis - "Die Hard" or "Hudson Hawk" DVD
7. Arnold Schwarzenegger - "Kindergarten Cop" DVD
8. Tony Leung - "Chungking Express" blu-ray
9. Kurt Russell - "Big Trouble in Little China" DVD
10. Laura Linney - "Congo" DVD

Houston's in Pasadena

Yesterday was a long day. A very long day. But now Sister C is all done with college, and to celebrate that we went to Houston's in Pasadena. Houston's is one of the many restaurants owned by the Hillstone Restaurant Group. It's primarily an upscale bar and grill, with a few surprises here and there.

The atmosphere is a very important part of the Houston's experience. The architecture and design is stunning. Even their bathrooms are remarkable, with small television screens set in the urinal stalls. It kind of makes you not want to leave the bathroom. But there is one thing. It's dark. Really dark inside. Not so-dark-you're-dining-in-pitch-black dark, but more like so-dark-I-can't-tell-if-that's-a-man-or-a-woman dark. It's dark enough that mistakes can be made, so keep that in mind.

Their menu isn't particularly varied, but they do have some good options. Their artichoke and spinach dip (not on the menu) is always a good starter. They also have a very consistent prime rib there, in that it's consistently good. Even Lawry's in Beverly Hills can't make that claim. My only gripe is that the prime rib used to come with the option of either a baked potato or roasted garlic mashed potatoes, but sadly they no longer offer the mashed potatoes. They also have a barbecue pork rib rack that is as advertised—it literally falls off the bone.

But today I ordered what I usually order: the prime rib French dip sandwich. Somewhere along the line, after having eaten the prime rib, the barbecue pork ribs, and a double-cut pork chop so thick that I was barely able to finish it, I discovered the French dip and haven't wavered since. The sandwich is made with the very prime rib that gets served in the dinner plate. It comes piled high and served on a small French loaf. The au jus is served on the side along with the option of a creamy horseradish sauce. The meat is tender and full-flavored, with just the right amount of fat to round it all out. It is one of the best French dips I have ever had.
5/14/10 Houstons
If had one complaint on this day, though, it seemed the sandwich was slightly smaller than the previous time I had it, perhaps as much as 10-15% smaller. However I still consider it a better deal than that of the prime rib which costs twice as much as the sandwich, but is only slightly more filling.

The sandwich also comes with a generous amount of shoestring fries, which was good and was about as much as I remembered having last time.

Some other notes on Houston's:
- prime rib French dip: 2 out of 7 on my mess-o-meter if eating without dipping (which is dumb), 5 out of 7 if using the au jus and horseradish. If you're an engineer, maybe 3 out of 7.
- 8 out of 10 on my darknessometer, meaning it's as dark as midnight with a half-full moon out.
- Houston's isn't cheap. The French dip will set you back about $18.

Houston's
320 South Arroyo Parkway
Pasadena, CA 91105
(626)577-6001

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Time Train - Chapter 15

As promised, "Time Train," is back with the further adventures of Rhubarb T. Porterhut and crew.
___


After a bit of coaxing, Rhubarb T. Porterhut managed to get Columbus to leave the train cab. The discovery of the missing tracks had alarmed Rhubarb at first, but Fibulious had managed to assuage his fears for the time being. Their present predicament allowed no option for leaping in head first, so instead Rhubarb opted to dig in for the time being and think the issue out. However his stomach thought differently, and made that known to his associates, whose stomachs were thinking likewise. It had been some hours since they all had last eaten, and if they were going to work out a solution, they would have to acquire nourishment for their brains.

“We appear to be in a forest, so we should be able to find something of sustenance. Perhaps some form of vegetation will be able to see us through this.”

Rhubarb began to peruse the verdant forest around them. Many of the plants looked somewhat familiar, but different in a way he couldn’t quite put his finger on.

“This… might work. Yes, I believe this might be edible.”

Rhubarb grabbed the end of what appeared to be a fern. The fiddle-like tip was present on many of the plants around them.

“Futureman, you and Columbus gather up as many of these as you can. In the meantime, I shall see if I can procure us some water.”

Fibulious nodded and quickly got to work. While he was busy tearing the fiddleheads off, Columbus was precociously gathering them and putting them into a pile.

Rhubarb hopped back into the engine for a second to collect the water jug. At random he picked a direction and marched off into the forest. Several paces away, he found a clearing that opened further on into a path. From the looks of it, a rather high amount of traffic must have passed through there, as many of the weeds and undergrowth were trampled flat. Following the path, Rhubarb was able to hear running water in the distance. The sound of the water never rose above a babble, and pretty soon he found himself on the edge of a modest creek.

It had been a couple of days since he had bathed, so he took the opportunity to wash his face. Coal and soot caked his countenance, and the water swirled with black for several handfuls. The cool stream stood in stark contrast to the balmy weather, and it refreshed him. With all of the excitement in recent days, he hadn’t had a moment to himself, so he savored it.

After he had relaxed enough, he filled his jug with water, but when he started back, he glanced a movement from the corner of his eye. He turned, but saw nothing there. Whatever it was, it had flitted away, or so he thought. Turning back, he came face to face with a dragonfly the size of a Christmas ham.

“Sweet Jesus!”

Rhubarb took off through the forest like a headless chicken with its tail on fire. In the process he lost a good portion of the water. Tripping over sticks and stones, he never once looked back. Finally he made it back to the clearing and plowed straight on through to where Fibulious and Columbus were, knocking them over. When Fibulious had gathered his senses, he looked up to see Rhubarb, dazed and doubled over in front of him. When he finally lifted his head, he knocked Fibulious for a loop.

“Aaaahh!” screamed Fibulious, who took off in the opposite direction and dove behind a rock. “Wha’d you do with Mister Portrait?”

Rhubarb eventually caught his breath and dusted himself off. “It’s me, Futureman,” he replied. “Mister Porterhut.”

From behind his shield, Fibulious peered intently at Rhubarb’s face. “You mean you’re white?!” Rhubarb hadn’t thought about it, but this whole time his face had been covered in black. He laughed.

“Oh come, come. I washed my face with the water. See?” Rhubarb sloshed a little water onto his hand and rubbed some of the soot into his shirt.

Fiblious was still cautious, though, and remained crouched behind the stone. “Then why were you running all the way here?”

“When I was gathering the water I saw.…” Rhubarb thought for second. What was it that he saw? Unsure of what exactly it was, he didn’t want to alarm the boy. “I was just startled by my reflection, much as you were. The skin of my face has not seen the sun in a good while. Was it really that much of a shock?”

For a second, Fibulious let down his guard. “Well, you looked black, but you never acted like any folks I knew.”

Rhubarb smiled at him. “Black face or white, I am still the same person that promised to get you home.”

That was enough for Fibulious, who lowered his defenses completely and ran out to hug Rhubarb. Columbus, also feeling relieved, stopped shedding, and came out from underneath the train, hoping to join in on the love fest.

When they parted, Rhubarb offered the half-filled jug to Fibulious. “Here, have some water, and make sure Columbus gets his fill.” He patted the boys head reassuringly, while looking cautiously around them. “So how goes the gathering?”

Fibulious gulped the water down and pointed to a pile of fiddleheads. Then he poured some water into his hand and offered it to Columbus.

“Excellent work. This should do for the time being, but we will have to find other sources of food if we are to have the strength to find our way out of here.”

Fibulious handed the empty jug back to Rhubarb and walked over to the fiddleheads. He shoved a hand into the pile, and after several moments of rummaging, pulled out a rather large, leathery egg out from beneath the pile.

“Columbus found these. There’re about eight of them.”

“Really? Columbus found those?” It was an egg unlike any other, but it would have to do. “These will be a valuable source of protein. Mighty resourceful of you, Columbus.”

Columbus beamed at the recognition from his owner.

“I suppose we will need more water to cook these greens. I shall get some more then. In the meantime, we could use some firewood. We shall be setting up camp for the night.”

Fibulious was ecstatic, with Columbus a little less so. Rhubarb hesitated before heading back toward the creek. He thought back to the dragonfly he saw. He had never seen nor heard of one so large before. Rhubarb tried to stifle the sense of unease that was beginning to engulf him. With the sky growing dark, he felt less and less welcome. Wherever they were, or perhaps whenever they were, it was far from home.

2010 Quick Movie Recap

I feel that people are under the impression that I only watch bad movies (or shitty movies) since that's all I write about. I don't. And I don't simply review every bad movie I see. I'm actually quite selective in the ones I post about. I watch a ton of movies—nearly a movie a day—and not all of them are bad. The majority of movies I watch I feel lukewarm about, like "Ray" or "Good Will Hunting." I watch plenty of good movies, and some of them I even like. Here's a list for some of the better movies I've seen so far this year, as well as a list for some of the worst. You might notice some trends.

The Best
"All the President's Men" - There's more integrity in this than just journalistic integrity.
"Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans" - Nicolas Cage doing what Nicolas Cage does best—acting like a crazy sumbitch.
"Broadcast News" - Albert Brooks and Holly Hunter shine in this behind the scenes look at a love triangle at a news production studio.
"Death of a Salesman" - Dustin Hoffman in the performance of a lifetime as Willie Loman.
"Housesitter" - Standard romantic comedy fare, but I'm a sucker for Steve Martin and Goldie Hawn.
"Kramer vs. Kramer" - Two actors at the tops of their games.
"Last Chance Harvey" - A simple, sometimes plodding romance, but the actors are just so winning.
"The Long Goodbye" - A hypnotic, modern take on Philip Marlowe.
"The Natural" - Feel-good sports movie.
"Parenthood" - Funny and touching with a strong dramatic acting turn from Steve Martin.
"Raising Arizona" - Crazy Nicolas Cage and cute-as-a-button Holly Hunter in one of the Coen Brothers' classic comedies.
"The Spanish Prisoner" - A clever mystery box movie marred by one particularly poor actress who just happened to be the director's wife.
"Stripes"- Classic Bill Murray. He's 10 and 1.
"World's Greatest Dad" - A surprisingly touching dark comedy directed by Bobcat Goldthwait. Yes, that Bobcat Goldthwait.

The Worst
"9 Songs" - Like watching a porno where music concert footage is constantly interrupting the action. I'd rather watch real porn, because at least they have plots.
"The Adventures of Pluto Nash" - Garbage. I'd rather meet Dave.
"Bangkok Dangerous" - Neither good nor bad, which is not what I hope for in a Nicolas Cage movie.
"Confessions of a Shopaholic" - I wished she would have kept them to herself.
"Downloading Nancy" - It's supposed to be an insightful look at people's (in)abilities to relate to each other. I guess it worked, because in the end I couldn't care less what happened to the characters.
"The Girlfriend Experience" - Like watching real life slowly eat your soul.
"Ishtar" - This was actually pretty funny, and I might review it in the future if I can only get that first song out of my head.
"Love And Other Disasters" - I think Britney Murphy was supposed to be British in this, but I'm not sure. Too bad she didn't die before making this one.
"Meet Dave" - My mom recommended this to me. Now I second guess every movie she suggests.
"P2" - This was pretty, damn hilarious. I loved the part when the guy rammed his car into the other guy multiple times, spilling his guts.
"The Princess of Nebraska" - See "The Girlfriend Experience."
"Serendipity" - I wanted to kill Kate Beckinsale in this movie, and I like Kate Beckinsale.
Shortcut to Happiness - Poor Alec Baldwin, he directed this remake of "The Devil and Daniel Webster." I tried to find the shitty in this, but couldn't. It's just bad.
"Sugar and Spice" - Nothing nice about this one.
"Paul Blart: Mall Cop" - It didn't look good from the previews, and guess what? It wasn't.
"The Wannabes" - I only watched this because Isla Fisher is in it. Surprise, it's Australian. And it's crap.
"Year One" - Why Harold Ramis?! You've brought us "Caddyshack," "National Lampoon's Vacation," and "Groundhog Day." Why do you hate us now?

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Celebrity Sightings - Brian Posehn

A lot of you might not know who Brian Posehn is, but he's a pretty funny guy. He's a comedian whose acting credits include Brian Spukowski on "The Sarah Silverman Program" and Kevin Liotta, Ray Liotta's cousin on "Just Shoot Me!" He kind of looks like what would happen if Bunsen and Beaker had a child.

I saw him at a comic book convention once. I was there for business, not pleasure. We did about $50 the first day. It was horrible. But I did get to meet Brian Posehn.

I seldom get excited about meeting celebrities. It's partly about being professional, but also about trying not to be an asshole. Also, there are very few celebrities that I really care about. But I like Brian Posehn's work, so I went up to him and told him that, and he politely thanked me.

Fast-forward a few months later. He's a guest on "Late Night with Conan O'Brien," and he's talking about how his two biggest interests are heavy metal and comic books. He's so into them, that if you aren't talking about them, he's probably not paying attention. Oh well, even if he didn't hear me tell him I appreciated his work, I still do.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Yokai of the Week - Bakezori

Bakezori are another type of tsukumogami. When zori (thonged Japanese sandals) are neglected or mistreated, they can come to life and run around the house chanting "kararin, kororin, kankororin! (Eyes three, eyes three, and teeth two!)" This could be a reference to geta, another type of thonged, wooden sandal. The three eyes could represent the three holes drilled for the straps, and the two teeth could stand for the the two wooden blocks that make up the platform for the shoe.

Here's a picture of a real bakezori that got loose in the house.
bakezori
Yokai Masterpiece #6 - Bakezori - thong sandal, mixed materials.

Bakezori usually have one eye, but this one has two eyes because I'm tired of seeing so many one-eyed obake. Plus it looks cuter with two eyes.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Grilled Chicken Caesar Salad

Back-to-back cooking nights. Whenever that happens, I try to make something simpler the second night. Today I settled on grilled chicken Caesar salad. I'm fine with just the salad, but some people can't stand the thought of a protein-less meal.
5/10/10 Caesar salad
It seems like a simple meal, but it still takes a couple hours because I don't cut corners. I make the croutons myself, which takes about a half hour. Assembling the dressing requires me to put the garlic through the press several times to ensure a good consistency. I have to chopped and mash anchovy fillets rather than use the tube stuff. I get fresh Romaine lettuce instead of the pre-chopped one. I also have to make a lot of accommodations when it's more than just me eating the salad. I like it traditional, with raw egg, but that bothers some people so I have to boil and peel eggs—20 minutes. And the added protein, in this case the chicken, had to be paillarded and marinated for an hour before being grilled. All in all, it's a lot of prep work, and in some ways is a bigger deal than the dinner I made yesterday.

However the overall meal is always top notch. The garlic bread is to die for (almost literally—you do not want to know how much butter and cheese goes into it), the chicken turned out better than expected for something slap-dash, and the salad is always good to me. My Caesar salad is one of the few meals I can eat where it's mostly vegetable and very little meat, and I never get tired of it.

Shitty Movie Review - "Cool as Ice"

CoolAsIce
I've been jonesing for a shitty movie lately. Somehow I managed to fit in a week's worth of good movies (including a couple of Nicolas Cage films) that left me needing to satisfy my fix. Out of a huge stack of options, I settled upon "Cool as Ice." Actually, "settled upon" makes it sound like less than a compromise—I wanted to watch "Cool as Ice." I really wasn't sure of what I was getting into, but I'd have to say I was pleasantly surprised. It doesn't bode too well when the movie is a romance and the poster shows that the lead actor would rather stare off into space than look at his girlfriend. It was horrible, but not nearly as bad as I expected it to be.

First off, I wanted to state that I firmly believe in the historical relevance of this film. "Cool as Ice" symbolizes everything that was wrong with America in the early 90s: the commercialization of hip hop culture, posers, fashion, and tweener films. It's like a time capsule that everyone wishes we had buried and forgot. I'm surprised the United States National Film Registry hasn't deemed the film "culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant."

The film follows white rapper Vanilla Ice as Johnny Van Owen, an other-side-of-the-tracks biker who runs with an all black posse. When his buddy's bike break down while riding through a small, conservative, predominantly white town, they're forced to put down roots temporarily. Then he meets a girl, blah blah blah. ... The story is crap, plain and simple. But it's all the little touches here and there that make this film good.

I still prefer his performance in "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: Secret of the Ooze," but Johnny will forever be Vanilla Ice's quintessential role. Here he gets all the cool/lame lines, walks like a chicken, spins way more than any normal person should, does air splits, and wears his own dialog. He's really going for broke in this film, pushing the very boundaries of what it means to be an actor. Underneath the bravado hides a sensitivity and natural ignorance that only the most gifted actors can portray. Although he represents a young man in the film, his character is that of a little boy. When he meets a girl he likes, what does he do? He tries to impress her by jumping a fence with a motorcycle which scares the horse she's riding on to buck her off. Then he steals her planner. It's schoolyard romance at its finest. But sadly, despite a cocksure performance, he is undermined by a subversive director.

Director David Kellogg is primarily a commercial and music video director which is evident from the movie's quick cuts and lack of silence. He could have made a standard teen angst romance movie that reverberated with a constant backbeat, but instead he had to make it memorable with all sorts of bizarre choices. The movie was rated PG, and clearly the producers wanted to appeal to the widest possible audience. But the movie doesn't make it clear who the target audience is. A teen romance with the gritty reality that Vanilla Ice represents should have appealed to teens and college-age movie goers, but when the rap and R&B music isn't playing, Kellogg underscores scenes with clown music. And old lady hip hop dancing. He also plays with time, undercranking the camera to speed through otherwise mundane scenes that would have offered a break from the monotony of Vanilla Ice's screen presence. Also, there isn't a single action that isn't punctuated by a DJ scratch.

At one point Johnny's love interest, Kathy Winslow (played by Kristin Minter), goes to a dance where the band is performing an uninspired rock version of "Love to Love You Baby." Then it gets all beer commercial as Ice pulls the band's plug and busts a rhyme with a hip hop version of the song as "Luve 2 Love U," bringing the dull party to life.

There's also a lot of fighting. Bad fighting. With the amount of time they spent to choreograph the dancing, they could have at least used any amount of time setting up the fight sequences. This is where Mr. Ice was at his weakest, and it shows.

I do have to give a shoutout to Janusz Kaminski, the two-time Academy-Award-winning cinematographer, who lensed "Cool as Ice." To think that he even worked on another movie is quite remarkable.

Sadly, the movie is only available on VHS at this time, as well as Netflix streaming. But if you have an opportunity to see "Cool as Ice," you shouldn't deny yourself. Someday you'll be telling your grandchildren about it.

My shitty movie rating: 7 turds out of 10. Worth a look!

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Mothers' Day BBQ Pork Ribs

Happy Mothers' Day to all you mothers out there. For my mother, Sister C and I prepared a delicious meal of BBQ pork ribs, cornbread, corn, asparagus, and blueberry tart. I've made barbecue beef ribs from scratch before, and Sister C made barbecue pork ribs on the infamous day doggy Lilah broke Sister C's foot, but I had never made barbecue pork ribs before. That was until today.

I made sure to read the recipe early on to allow for ample cooking time. For big meals like this we often end up eating around 10 p.m., but I wanted to serve dinner a little sooner than that. Preparations involved making a rub and marinating the three slabs of pork ribs a day in advance.
5/9/10 Mothers' Day - BBQ pork ribs
The day-of preparation began around 2 p.m. The hickory wood chips needed to soak for an hour, while I prepared the barbecue. Around 3 p.m. I tossed the ribs on the barbie. 5/9/10 Mothers' Day - BBQ pork ribs
They then sat on the barbecue for the next three hours, until they were fall-off-the-bone tender. After that, they looked like this:
5/9/10 Mothers' Day - BBQ pork ribs
I think it's strange that people consider barbecuing such manly work. It's mostly prep work, i.e. marinating meat then tossing it in the barbecue for a few hours to let it cook. You don't really have to tend to it. The real work is in the calculations, figuring out the heat, the amount of time it needs to cook for, etc. By comparison grilling is much more manly since you're dealing with an open fire. But I digress.

Anyway, the plated ribs looked like this:
5/9/10 Mothers' Day - BBQ pork ribs
In the meantime while the ribs were barbecuing, I made a barbecue sauce from scratch, which took a couple hours as well. Rounding out the meal we had cornbread, corn on the cob, and asparagus.
5/9/10 Mothers' Day - BBQ pork ribs
Overall the meal was quite good. Allowing for the extra time for the ribs to cook meant we neither rushed the meal nor ate dinner too late. Actually, we got dinner on the table a little after 7 p.m., which wasn't bad for us. I ended up eating a rack all by myself.

For dessert, Sister C made blueberry tarts, as requested by mom. It was something she came up with and last made over ten years ago.
5/9/10 Mothers' Day - blueberry tart
Overall it was a successful Mothers' Day. Mom was happy she didn't have to wake up early to let out the dogs, dinner was good and served in a timely fashion, and nobody died. You can't ask for much more.

Zombie Protection Plan

While conversing with my friends yesterday, the conversation inevitably turned to zombies and 24-hour restaurants. Somehow this made me ponder what I would consider so important that I would have to go out into the zombie-pocalypse to protect it, much as how Shaun went to rescue his mum and his ex-girlfriend Liz in "Shaun of the Dead."

There is my family, of course, but once the house and perimeter are secure, which takes only minutes, I will be free to protect the next most important thing. Seeing as how I don't have a significant other, the next most precious thing to my heart would have to be Pioneer Chicken.

Since cars will be practically useless, I'll have to either find a motorcycle or bicycle, but most likely I will have to run there. Pioneer Chicken is only about three miles away, so it's doable. I'm going to have to train though, since I'm out of shape at the moment. Hopefully the zombie-pocalypse won't be for a few weeks. I can't guarantee that I'll save Irene, but I'll try my best to save Lorenzo, since he knows how to cook the chicken.

As long as Lorenzo keeps frying up the chicken, I'll be able to fight off the zombie horde. Pioneer fried chicken is to me as spinach is to Popeye.

Someday, we'll all be dead. But a world without Pioneer Chicken? I would be willing to sacrifice myself to keep that from ever happening.

Top Ten Things You Might Not Know About the Offices of Sega USA

1. When you enter through the front doors, you're arrival is announced with a chorus of "Se-ga~."
2. A large aquarium in the foyer is home to Ecco the dolphin.
3. There's a room in the basement where one employee is still devoted to developing software for the Dreamcast.
4. Executives have aquariums in their offices where they keep their pet Seamen.
5. Instead of office chairs and desks, employees work in converted, defunct "Daytona USA" arcade cabinets.
6. Their bathrooms are home to some of their lesser known arcade games, like "Virtua Toilet" and "Virtua Urinal."
7. Shinobi is an actual employee that works in the mail room. The video game series is based on his life.
8. There are gold rings lying around all over the place.
9. Despite being killed off, Segata Sanshiro still visits Sega USA at least once a year to train new employees.
10. A former employee thought it was cute to introduce a family of hedgehogs to the office, resulting in an infestation of hedgehogs. But instead of running around the office, they like to roll up into balls and hide in coffee mugs.