1. T-Rex taxidermist
2. Protoceratops USDA meat inspector
3. Triceratops Cirque du Soleil acrobat
4. Stegosaurus pole dancer
5. Lambeosaurus Ghost Adventure crew member
6. Iguanadon American Idol judge
7. Dimetrodon graffiti artist
8. Pteradactyl pro skateboarder
9. Pachycephalosaurus stock car crew chief
10. Apatosaurus krump dancer
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Shitty Movie Review - Battlefield Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000
I recently suffered through a string of bad movies, including America's Sweethearts, Serendipity, Paul Blart: Mall Cop, Osmosis Jones, and Mixed Nuts. After such disappointment, I didn't have the time nor the attention span to dedicate to any truly good movies, so instead I went in the opposite direction, looking for a truly bad movie. 2000's Battlefield Earth has been maligned to the ends of our Earth and back. Yes, it is bad, but not entirely so, and unfortunately its negative reputation exceeds its shittiness. That doesn't mean it compares favorably to Plan 9 From Outer Space, as that would be unfair to Plan 9, but it is its own kind of shitty, and despite being horrible, it is still entertaining.
Much of the negative publicity that surrounded the film stemmed from the novel's authorship by L. Ron Hubbard, founder of Scientology. A lot of people felt, whether they had actually seen the film or not, that the movie would be a means of subliminally indoctrinating viewers with the tenets of Scientology. There was a lot of concern that this would be a Scientology movie as, after all, Scientology's second most famous follower had helped champion it and was in one of the leading roles. But those people clearly never watched the movie, since they would have realized that if it had anything to do with Scientology, it was the single-most, worst possible means of ever popularizing the religion.
Very little meaning can be gleaned from Battlefield Earth which paints themes with broad brush strokes that seldom materialize into anything that really makes sense. It is a sloppily constructed movie with ambitious but severely limited production design and inferior acting the likes of which make elementary school plays seem like Olivier's Hamlet. In other words, it's glorious.
I've never heard the word "leverage" used so much, and it made me wonder whether the characters in the movie actually knew what it meant. Never at any point do they try to define "leverage" or refer to it in other terms. The visual effects are poor, even by 2000's standards, with extensive blue screen that is laughably bad. Concepts such as scale and depth appeared to be lost on the creators of this film. Too much has been said about the costume design, so to touch upon that is to simply flog a dead horse.
Director Roger Christian's constant use of center wipes seemed like a nod to or take on George Lucas' side wipes in Star Wars. (Christian was a protégé of Lucas', having worked as a second unit director on Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace. The poor direction should seem much more obvious now.) Too bad no one told him copying Lucas' direction, particularly his overused and outdated wipes, was not the best of choices.
But the acting, oh the acting. Christian is clearly an actor's director, if by that I meant he says "Action" immediately followed by "Print." Acting in the film fell into two camps: the man-animals and the Psychlos. The man-animals, led by Barry Pepper's Jonnie Goodboy Tyler, portray themselves as a cross between Neanderthals, Brendan Fraser in Encino Man, and the apes from Planet of the Apes. They alternate between grunting and talking coherently with the occasional 20th century colloquialism ("piece of cake"). The Psychlos fare no better. It seems as though they are constantly talking to each other as if they're all 1930s vaudevillers, complete with lame jokes, pausing for reaction, sniggering, distasteful punchlines, then more sniggering. John Travolta, who plays the lead baddie, Terl, does as good a job of acting in this film as anyone else, which doesn't say much. He gets the most scenes to chew on, and at least he bought into the character and the story. On second thought, maybe he shouldn't have. Others, like the poorly used Forrest Whitaker as Ker, act as though the movie is a joke, waiting for the director to yell, "Do it again, but try to embody the character this time." But the director never did.
My favorite scene, though, involved Terl confronting Ker with trying to get "leverage" over him. Ker has copied evidence of Terl's fraud and given it to an associate for safekeeping. Terl tries to guess who Ker could have given the evidence to. The mechanic? Cut to a Dutch angle shot of Forrest Whitaker chortling on the left of the screen. A concubine? Cut to a Dutch angle shot of Forrest Whitaker chortling on the right of the screen. The options exhausted, Terl has one last suggestion, music building, and he reaches into a box and pulls out a head: "Our friendly bartender!" Rim shot, then cut to Forrest Whitaker not laughing. But I did. Snigger, chortle, guffaw. Those Psychlos are such comedians.
My shitty movie rating: 8 turds out of 10. Rent it now!
Friday, April 2, 2010
Whhhy? - Kim Kardashian
Pre-2007, nobody knew who Kim Kardashian was. She might have shown up in the pages of People or US Weekly attending the occasional party in much the same way Paris Hilton did, but she was hardly a household name. Then all of a sudden she blew up, getting guest appearances and cameos in movies and TV shows, even doing nation-wide ad campaigns. The spark of all this was a sex taped leaked in 2007. But ask anybody who she was with and most people will turn a blank stare. And it's baffling since, at the time, her boyfriend had every right to be more famous than her. After all, her biggest claim to fame at that point was that she was the daughter of O.J. Simpson's defense lawyer, Robert Kardashian. But her boyfriend was brother to a TV star and multi-platinum recording artist as well as an actor/singer in his own right with several US Top 50 hits. That's right, Kim Kardashian was dating Brandy's little brother, Ray J.
Yet after the release of their home sex tape, Kim Kardashian's celebrity status shot up almost overnight, while Ray J's career has steadily declined. Sure, Kim Kardashian is an attractive women with ass for days. But Ray J is no slouch—he's a good looking dude, and multi-talented to boot. Here's a picture of him on one of his recent albums:
Furthermore, it's Ray J doing all the work in the sex video; by comparison Kim Kardashian makes Paris Hilton look like a workhorse in her sex tape.
And today, Kim Kardashian continues to reap the benefits of her sex tape infamy, despite the fact that she hasn't clearly demonstrated any sort of talent outside of constant twittering and looking dolled up whenever the paparazzi need a break from taking photos of Lindsey falling down. Right now she's in an ad for Carl's Jr. But where's Ray J's ad? What has he gotten out of this? Except for a couple of mediocre VH1 television shows, not much.
So, perhaps instead of simply asking why, Kim Kardashian, perhaps we should ask why not Ray J? Whhhy nooot?!
Yet after the release of their home sex tape, Kim Kardashian's celebrity status shot up almost overnight, while Ray J's career has steadily declined. Sure, Kim Kardashian is an attractive women with ass for days. But Ray J is no slouch—he's a good looking dude, and multi-talented to boot. Here's a picture of him on one of his recent albums:
Furthermore, it's Ray J doing all the work in the sex video; by comparison Kim Kardashian makes Paris Hilton look like a workhorse in her sex tape.
And today, Kim Kardashian continues to reap the benefits of her sex tape infamy, despite the fact that she hasn't clearly demonstrated any sort of talent outside of constant twittering and looking dolled up whenever the paparazzi need a break from taking photos of Lindsey falling down. Right now she's in an ad for Carl's Jr. But where's Ray J's ad? What has he gotten out of this? Except for a couple of mediocre VH1 television shows, not much.
So, perhaps instead of simply asking why, Kim Kardashian, perhaps we should ask why not Ray J? Whhhy nooot?!
New Poll Up
Most of you should have noticed by now, but I have posted a poll on the site regarding continuing the Yokai of the Week series. The poll is pretty hard to miss, since it's smack dab at the top of the site, but who knows, maybe you're using on of those funky browsers that makes my blog look all wonky. Anyway, if you want me to continue drawing silly pictures of real Japanese monsters, then click the "yes." If you don't want me to draw any more pictures of yokai, or want me to draw pictures of something else, then click one of the other two options. Right now the Yeses are winning, so what's stopping you Nos and I-want-to-see-drawings-of-something-elses? Get out there and rock the vote!
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Time Train - Chapter 11
New acquaintances and new experiences await Rhubarb T. Porterhut and company.
___
With his newfound friend and associate, Fibulious, Rhubarb T. Porterhut was more determined than ever to find his way back to his beloved Florentine, but first they had to find more fuel, as their detour had cost them nearly all of their coal.
Rhubarb rubbed his head, scanning the space around him. “Well, if any of us are to make it home, we must find more coal, or at least a sufficient substitute.”
“Some of these trains still have some coal in them. We could use that.” Fibulious started to run off, forgetting that Rhubarb and Columbus did not know the area as well as he. But Rhubarb stopped him short with a finger snap.
“An excellent idea, but perhaps we should proceed together. While my eyes have adjusted adequately enough, I can no better navigate this train yard than I could a cornfield maze. Lead the way, Fibulious, but stay close.”
So Fibulious led them from engine to engine, as they manage to collect a few coals here and there. The engineers must have collected much of the leftover coals when they interred the trains, such that Rhubarb and company were only able to collect a scant amount. It wasn’t enough to get them home, if only they knew in which direction home lay, and was barely enough to get them out of that train graveyard.
After about an hour of intense searching, Rhubarb knew they were going to have to find another solution. “This simply will not do. We will have to have more, quite a bit more, if we are to depart from here.”
Then Rhubarb remembered how he had tripped over the pile of wood. There was ample enough wood around them, in piles and in the trains themselves. While it would not be as efficient as coal, it would have to do for the time being.
“Wood. We can use wood. Quickly everyone, we do not want to have to spend tonight here. Fibulious, you and Columbus can work together gathering wood while I cover this section.”
With bits of wood here or there in nearly every direction, it was not as important for everyone to stay together, so while Rhubarb went off on his own, Fibulious took Columbus, and started disassembling piles of wood to stack on Columbus’ back. For Columbus, it wasn’t the most desirous of situations, but the sooner they collected the wood, the sooner he could be back in his own bed.
Another hour or so of diligent wood gathering yielded enough burnable material to be able to get them away from that wretched place. They had to pluck the skeletons of ancient trains in order to do so, and such desecration left them eager to leave. With the train loaded for bear, it was time to for them to go.
“Now that we have fuel, I suppose the best way to find home, is to get ourselves turned around.”
Fibulious offered a solution. “I’ve seen the men take their trains that way. Then they come back in a little while, but turned around.”
“Sounds as though there is a turntable nearby. We will make excellent use of it then. Come.”
Rhubarb pulled Fibulious up onto the engine with Columbus leaping after. Together, they began shoveling wood into the furnace and started the fire going. The locomotive was slow to take, but eventually starting breathing with life.
“I take it this is your first time being in the cab of a steam engine, am I right?”
“Yes, sir, yes,” Fibulious nodded. His excitement was palpable and contagious, and lifted everyone’s spirits.
“Then let us go home, shall we?”
Rhubarb pulled a lever and the train began to move. Fibulious eagerly peered out the sides, with Rhubarb careful to keep a hold of his tattered shirt. After several minutes, Fibulious began to calm down, and stopped darting around the rather small engine cab.
“If you do not mind if I pry a bit, what ever made you decide to run away from home?”
Fibulious looked down, then away, which Rhubarb mistook for a shyness.
“If it is a sensitive subject for you...”
“Trouble... I got into trouble,” answered Fibulious, still not looking at him.
“What kind of trouble?”
Fibulious shook his head from side to side, and Rhubarb knew there wasn’t going to be anything else forthcoming on the subject, at least for the moment. So he decided to change the subject.
“Well, I wonder what time it is right now. My watch says 6:30. Is it still Saturday, I wonder?”
“I think it’s Sunday,” offered Fibulious.
“Sunday, why then ... we should be more than several hours in the future.”
“The future?”
Rhubarb forgot that young Fibulious had no knowledge of Columbus’ and his experiment. Explaining the situation was a bit of a conundrum.
“Well. You see, I am an inventor, and Columbus and I are performing a grand experiment, the likes of which mankind has never been witness to. In short, we are time-space travelers.”
Fibulious’ eyes went wide to the point of almost bulging out of their sockets.
“And, in reference to our time, you would appear to be from our future.”
“You mean you came from the past?”
Rhubarb was surprised by Fibulious comprehension of time, but was no less delighted by his enthusiasm.
“Why yes. So you being from our future makes you in some ways a future man.”
“A future man,” wondered Fibulious. “That sounds mighty fine.”
“You like that, do you? Well that is what I shall call you then, Fibulious. Futureman.”
Fibulious was beaming from ear to ear. “Wow, Mister Portrait, that’s awfully nice of you. I never had a nickname before.”
“Well, Futureman, I’m glad you like it.”
As their time device moved farther and farther away from the train yard, all three passengers rested content, looking forward to reaching the turntable so that they could start their trip in earnest. Thinking about what the future held, Rhubarb remembered his watch and decided he should wind it since he couldn’t remember the last time he had done so.
___
With his newfound friend and associate, Fibulious, Rhubarb T. Porterhut was more determined than ever to find his way back to his beloved Florentine, but first they had to find more fuel, as their detour had cost them nearly all of their coal.
Rhubarb rubbed his head, scanning the space around him. “Well, if any of us are to make it home, we must find more coal, or at least a sufficient substitute.”
“Some of these trains still have some coal in them. We could use that.” Fibulious started to run off, forgetting that Rhubarb and Columbus did not know the area as well as he. But Rhubarb stopped him short with a finger snap.
“An excellent idea, but perhaps we should proceed together. While my eyes have adjusted adequately enough, I can no better navigate this train yard than I could a cornfield maze. Lead the way, Fibulious, but stay close.”
So Fibulious led them from engine to engine, as they manage to collect a few coals here and there. The engineers must have collected much of the leftover coals when they interred the trains, such that Rhubarb and company were only able to collect a scant amount. It wasn’t enough to get them home, if only they knew in which direction home lay, and was barely enough to get them out of that train graveyard.
After about an hour of intense searching, Rhubarb knew they were going to have to find another solution. “This simply will not do. We will have to have more, quite a bit more, if we are to depart from here.”
Then Rhubarb remembered how he had tripped over the pile of wood. There was ample enough wood around them, in piles and in the trains themselves. While it would not be as efficient as coal, it would have to do for the time being.
“Wood. We can use wood. Quickly everyone, we do not want to have to spend tonight here. Fibulious, you and Columbus can work together gathering wood while I cover this section.”
With bits of wood here or there in nearly every direction, it was not as important for everyone to stay together, so while Rhubarb went off on his own, Fibulious took Columbus, and started disassembling piles of wood to stack on Columbus’ back. For Columbus, it wasn’t the most desirous of situations, but the sooner they collected the wood, the sooner he could be back in his own bed.
Another hour or so of diligent wood gathering yielded enough burnable material to be able to get them away from that wretched place. They had to pluck the skeletons of ancient trains in order to do so, and such desecration left them eager to leave. With the train loaded for bear, it was time to for them to go.
“Now that we have fuel, I suppose the best way to find home, is to get ourselves turned around.”
Fibulious offered a solution. “I’ve seen the men take their trains that way. Then they come back in a little while, but turned around.”
“Sounds as though there is a turntable nearby. We will make excellent use of it then. Come.”
Rhubarb pulled Fibulious up onto the engine with Columbus leaping after. Together, they began shoveling wood into the furnace and started the fire going. The locomotive was slow to take, but eventually starting breathing with life.
“I take it this is your first time being in the cab of a steam engine, am I right?”
“Yes, sir, yes,” Fibulious nodded. His excitement was palpable and contagious, and lifted everyone’s spirits.
“Then let us go home, shall we?”
Rhubarb pulled a lever and the train began to move. Fibulious eagerly peered out the sides, with Rhubarb careful to keep a hold of his tattered shirt. After several minutes, Fibulious began to calm down, and stopped darting around the rather small engine cab.
“If you do not mind if I pry a bit, what ever made you decide to run away from home?”
Fibulious looked down, then away, which Rhubarb mistook for a shyness.
“If it is a sensitive subject for you...”
“Trouble... I got into trouble,” answered Fibulious, still not looking at him.
“What kind of trouble?”
Fibulious shook his head from side to side, and Rhubarb knew there wasn’t going to be anything else forthcoming on the subject, at least for the moment. So he decided to change the subject.
“Well, I wonder what time it is right now. My watch says 6:30. Is it still Saturday, I wonder?”
“I think it’s Sunday,” offered Fibulious.
“Sunday, why then ... we should be more than several hours in the future.”
“The future?”
Rhubarb forgot that young Fibulious had no knowledge of Columbus’ and his experiment. Explaining the situation was a bit of a conundrum.
“Well. You see, I am an inventor, and Columbus and I are performing a grand experiment, the likes of which mankind has never been witness to. In short, we are time-space travelers.”
Fibulious’ eyes went wide to the point of almost bulging out of their sockets.
“And, in reference to our time, you would appear to be from our future.”
“You mean you came from the past?”
Rhubarb was surprised by Fibulious comprehension of time, but was no less delighted by his enthusiasm.
“Why yes. So you being from our future makes you in some ways a future man.”
“A future man,” wondered Fibulious. “That sounds mighty fine.”
“You like that, do you? Well that is what I shall call you then, Fibulious. Futureman.”
Fibulious was beaming from ear to ear. “Wow, Mister Portrait, that’s awfully nice of you. I never had a nickname before.”
“Well, Futureman, I’m glad you like it.”
As their time device moved farther and farther away from the train yard, all three passengers rested content, looking forward to reaching the turntable so that they could start their trip in earnest. Thinking about what the future held, Rhubarb remembered his watch and decided he should wind it since he couldn’t remember the last time he had done so.
Unicorns Strike Back
Just when I thought unicorns were nearly extinct, they start to make a comeback in a very large way. Today, there were no less than three unicorn sightings on the internet.
Players have been reporting that the Chop Shops in the popular online game Mafia Wars were "being turned into 'castles' and producing 'unicorns.'"
Another web-based adventure game, Dragon Tavern, converted to Unicorn Tavern early this morning. Instead of players killing each other with their various wizard and warrior avatars, they were allowed to hug each other using their unicorn avatars.
Popular retail site ThinkGeek.com put up a new product listing for Canned Unicorn Meat. Lest people be concerned that the production of Canned Unicorn Meat contribute to the extinction of unicorns, rest assured that only those unicorns near the end of their lifespans end up in the aforementioned product. Their last days are spent blissfully receiving massages and eating candy corn. Also listed is a legitimate recipe on how to prepare the Canned Unicorn Meat.
On a side note, the power of [adult swim]'s Robot Unicorn Attack has continued to spread its influence, affecting even video game enthusiast site NSFCD.com. Although there are no unicorns present, the pink theme and Erasure's Always playing in the background are clear nods to Robot Unicorn Attack.
So what is the cause of all this recent unicorn activity? A bit of tom foolery perhaps, but it is clear that while unicorn appearances are still rare, they continue to exist in both our imagination and reality.
Players have been reporting that the Chop Shops in the popular online game Mafia Wars were "being turned into 'castles' and producing 'unicorns.'"
Another web-based adventure game, Dragon Tavern, converted to Unicorn Tavern early this morning. Instead of players killing each other with their various wizard and warrior avatars, they were allowed to hug each other using their unicorn avatars.
Popular retail site ThinkGeek.com put up a new product listing for Canned Unicorn Meat. Lest people be concerned that the production of Canned Unicorn Meat contribute to the extinction of unicorns, rest assured that only those unicorns near the end of their lifespans end up in the aforementioned product. Their last days are spent blissfully receiving massages and eating candy corn. Also listed is a legitimate recipe on how to prepare the Canned Unicorn Meat.
On a side note, the power of [adult swim]'s Robot Unicorn Attack has continued to spread its influence, affecting even video game enthusiast site NSFCD.com. Although there are no unicorns present, the pink theme and Erasure's Always playing in the background are clear nods to Robot Unicorn Attack.
So what is the cause of all this recent unicorn activity? A bit of tom foolery perhaps, but it is clear that while unicorn appearances are still rare, they continue to exist in both our imagination and reality.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Celebrity Sightings - Breckin Meyer
Alright, I know some of you (okay, most of you) are going who is Breckin Meyer? I know his name sounds like it should be one last name, but he really is an actor, and chances are you've seen in him in something. He's been in Clueless, Can't Hardly Wait, Road Trip, Kate and Leopold, and the most recent live-action Garfield movie. He almost always plays a friend, or a brother, or a friend of a friend, or the brother of a friend, or the friend's brother of the main character.
My sighting occurred along that stretch of Beverly Blvd between Fairfax and La Brea. I was driving eastbound along Beverly, when I saw a guy in my rear view jaywalk from the trendy restaurant to his car across the street. Yep, Breckin Meyer. I was probably the only person there who knew who he was, and that's counting the person he was eating with. I bet she was his sister, or friend, or sister's friend.
My sighting occurred along that stretch of Beverly Blvd between Fairfax and La Brea. I was driving eastbound along Beverly, when I saw a guy in my rear view jaywalk from the trendy restaurant to his car across the street. Yep, Breckin Meyer. I was probably the only person there who knew who he was, and that's counting the person he was eating with. I bet she was his sister, or friend, or sister's friend.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Yokai of the Week Special Edition – Yokai Book of the Week
Another book you say? And about yokai no less? Well, this book is special to me, since I worked on it. While working at company B, there was one title I really looked forward to working on, and it wasn't the one where the half-vampire, half-werewolf guy turns into a girl during a full moon (Suck on that Twihards). No, it was a manga called Kon Kon Kokon, and it is about a young boy who is a yokai otaku.
The book features an original story and cutesy artwork by Koge-Donbo. And it also features yokai, oodles and oodles of yokai. In fact, many of the yokai I've highlighted can be found in Kon Kon Kokon.
The story follows Ren, a young boy from the boonies, who transfers to a school in the city. It is there that he hopes to reinvent himself as one of the cool kids and impress his crush, Himeka. But Ren hides a dark secret—well, maybe not so dark—he loves yokai. As luck would have it, along comes Kokon, a mysterious young girl who claims that she has returned to Ren to make good on her promise. But what is that promise? Go find a copy of the book and check it out.
But be forewarned: the book is out of print, and there is only the one volume available. Sadly the powers that be shut down company B, and Koge-Donbo has been busy with other projects. I hope she returns to the series at some point. since I would like to read more about Ren and his yokai adventures. If anyone is interested in reading Kon Kon Kokon, I snagged several copies before company B closed. And if you're lucky, I just might autograph it for you.
Kon Kon Kokon
Koge-Donbo
Broccoli Books: 224pp., $10
Out of print
こんこんここん
こげどんぼ
Comi Digi + Comics: 196pp., ¥590
The book features an original story and cutesy artwork by Koge-Donbo. And it also features yokai, oodles and oodles of yokai. In fact, many of the yokai I've highlighted can be found in Kon Kon Kokon.
The story follows Ren, a young boy from the boonies, who transfers to a school in the city. It is there that he hopes to reinvent himself as one of the cool kids and impress his crush, Himeka. But Ren hides a dark secret—well, maybe not so dark—he loves yokai. As luck would have it, along comes Kokon, a mysterious young girl who claims that she has returned to Ren to make good on her promise. But what is that promise? Go find a copy of the book and check it out.
But be forewarned: the book is out of print, and there is only the one volume available. Sadly the powers that be shut down company B, and Koge-Donbo has been busy with other projects. I hope she returns to the series at some point. since I would like to read more about Ren and his yokai adventures. If anyone is interested in reading Kon Kon Kokon, I snagged several copies before company B closed. And if you're lucky, I just might autograph it for you.
Kon Kon Kokon
Koge-Donbo
Broccoli Books: 224pp., $10
Out of print
こんこんここん
こげどんぼ
Comi Digi + Comics: 196pp., ¥590
Yokai of the Week - Futakuchi Onna
Futakuchi onna (literally "two-mouthed woman") starts out as a normal woman who is cursed with a second fully-functional mouth on the back of her head, hidden beneath her hair. In some cases, the hair can act as tendrils drawing food into the second mouth. Through this second mouth, a futakuchi onna can eat as much as she desires without gaining weight, but the second mouth can also take on a life of its own, becoming more and more desirous of larger quantities of food. Furthermore, the second mouth, when not being fed, may start screeching which is not only painful to the woman's ears, but also draws unwanted attention.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Why Doesn't Chris Kaman Have a Sneaker Deal?
Chris Kaman is the best true center currently playing basketball in the NBA's Western Conference. Don't believe me? The numbers don't lie.
Out of all Western Conference centers, he ranks first in points per game (18.4), first in points + rebounds + assists (29.2), third in double-doubles (28), fourth in rebounds per game (9.2, fifth if you count Tim Duncan as a center, which he isn't), and fifth in PER (18.67). He even made the all-star team for the first time in his career after initially being snubbed. And yet he doesn't have his own signature sneaker. Right now he's playing in the Nike Hypermaxes, but surely a player of this caliber deserves something more. After all, he's leading his team in points, rebounds, and blocked shots.
Since he's already playing in Nikes, perhaps they could throw him a bone and hook him up with his own signature line, something like the Nike Kamanizers. Imagine a full Zoom Air unit sitting on top of a heel-to-toe 360 Air Max bag, riding on top of Shox, with a synthetic Flywire/Torch/patent leather upper all decked out in the Clipper red, white, blue. It'd be as if his feet were encased in, and flying on clouds. Think how much better a player he'd be in his own sneaker line. Instead of just being one of the top Western Conference centers, he could be one of the best NBA centers. Or one of the best NBA players.
Maybe Adidas should add him to their already impressive big man lineup. He could join the likes of Tim Duncan, Kevin Garnett, Dwight Howard, and Michael Beasley with his own signature TS Supernatural Commanders. With the power of Pure Motion and Adiprene+ supporting him, Chris Kaman could be beasting the league even more.
Or why not bump him up to Jordan brand. Jordan brand has primarily appealed to athletic guards and forwards, but why not adorn one of elite centers of the league with the hallowed Jordan name? He could have the Air Kamans or the CK35s, a pair of fashionable yet rugged basketball shoes that look as good on the court as they do off.
Basically, Chris Kaman is a playa, and he should look like one, too. A player this good shouldn't be playing in normal, off-the-shelf basketball shoes, and at the very least he should have his own PEs. The bottom line is Chris Kaman is a baller so get this dude a sneaker deal.
Country-Style Pork Ribs
We had a huge package of country-style pork ribs in the fridge so I decided to cook that for dinner. Did you know that even though they're called ribs, they aren't really ribs at all? They're actually from the shoulder. After I trimmed them a little of fat (which I shouldn't have done) I seasoned them liberally with Lawry's garlic salt and poultry seasoning. I tried cooking them slightly differently than usual, covering them up with tin foil for half the baking time so that they didn't dry out completely and removing the cover for the last half. I should have cooked them for even longer, but I was impatient (and hungry).
On the side was a pilaf made with crab mushroom and frozen spinach. I tried a few different things with this as well. Not bad, but not great.
We also had fingerling potatoes which are the easiest things to make, since you just microwave them in the bag they come in. I dressed them with a little butter and rosemary.
On the side was a pilaf made with crab mushroom and frozen spinach. I tried a few different things with this as well. Not bad, but not great.
We also had fingerling potatoes which are the easiest things to make, since you just microwave them in the bag they come in. I dressed them with a little butter and rosemary.
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