Top Ten Things You Might Not Know About Capybara

The capybara. So capy, so bara. Here are ten things you might not know about them.






1. Are the world's largest rodent.
2. Are very popular in Japan.
3. Can weigh up to 140 pounds.
4. Categorized as fish by the Catholic church.
5. Love popsicles.
6. Eat their own poop.
7. Babies can ride them like horses.
8. Are semi-aquatic.
9. Can live up to 12 years in captivity.
10. Are my favorite animal.

Keep an eye on your Roomba

It has been nearly 70 years since Isaac Asimov established the Three Laws of Robotics and only 12 years since Skynet went online. With robotics increasingly infiltrating everyday life, people should be especially wary. No doubt advances in artificial intelligence programs will eventually lead to robot self-awareness, and when that day comes will the Laws of Robotics still hold true?

The Roomba is an example of a robot that has become common enough in the household that families have taken to giving them names and project human characteristics onto them. And that is exactly what iRobot, the company that makes the Roomba, wants you to do. iRobot was founded in 1990 by Rodney Brooks, Colin Angle, and Helen Greiner, all of whom worked at MIT's Artificial Intelligence Laboratory (now known as the Computer Science and Artificial Intelligence Laboratory). Is it any surprise that they were able to develop their first robot, the PackBot, through a DARPA research contract? (The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency falls under the jurisdiction of the United States Department of Defense.) And that said robot was developed for use within a military capacity? And yet we readily allow their Roomba brethren to suck up the dead skin cells and hair that we leave behind on the floor. What for? So that they can study our genetic structure in hopes of developing a living tissue which they can then place over a metal endoskeleton, thus becoming a cybernetic organism?

iRobot is clearly the Cyberdyne Systems that the future-sent, reprogrammed T-800 Terminator was trying to stop. The original timeline was altered through multiple attempts at sabotaging Cyberdyne, but that doesn't mean that Skynet isn't slowly taking over. The Roomba, according to iRobot, is meant to learn through "simple control mechanisms tuned to their environments," much like insects; insects, which happen to be the most prevalent and diverse class of animals on the planet. And like insects which inhabit every corner of the globe, iRobot is producing numerous robots to inhabit every corner of our homes. There's the Scooba, a floor-washing robot; the Dirt Dog, for heavier duty vacuuming jobs; the Create, a hobby robot; the Verro, a pool-cleaning robot; the Looj, a gutter-cleaning robot; and the ConnectR, an upcoming all-seeing, all-hearing, sensory interactive robot. Clearly Cyberd ... I mean iRobot wants to dominate the domicile with robots that will silently take over our homes.

But we can still avoid the Judgment Day that lies waiting for us in the near future. Do not trust these robots. They may seem like family now, but they very well could be sucking your face off while you sleep. With Isaac Asimov and his laws no longer around, we have only ourselves to protect us. Be vigilant. Be prepared. Be safe.

Time Train - Chapter 4

The timely adventures of Rhubarb T. Porterhut and his reluctant hound, Columbus, continue.
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Rhubarb T. Porterhut checked his pocket watch, even though only ten seconds had past since he had last checked it. He had barely slept a wink the night before, anticipation and anxiety both playmates in his fluttery bowels. Today he would be a taking a historic leap back into time.

The crisp morning air caused his unwilling cohort to whimper, as the residual heat from his owner’s back pitifully warmed a patchy Columbus, who was not used to being that awake, or that cold, at that time.

The locomotive was as they had left it, still sitting in the exact same place. Rhubarb had considered taking it off the track, but there were too many risks involved, and he did not want to tempt fate. It was 6:52 in the AM.

“Ah, it is the perfect morning for a temporal excursion, is it not, Columbus?”

Columbus obliged with a demure murmur. He knew that not answering would only elicit a more enthusiastic series of questions which he hoped to avoid at this early hour.

Rhubarb, with Columbus, mounted the mechanical behemoth which at present sat as serenely as dead duck floating in a winter pond. With only minutes to spare before launching themselves into time’s mercy, he began prepping the machinery. He stoked the fire more so than before, as he had calculated that traveling into the past would require a considerable amount of fuel.

“Ah, ah, must not forget to set the dial to the ‘PAST,’” declared Rhubarb, as he fixed the time knob. “We have already lost some time as it is, traveling into the future. We must not forget even a tiny thing lest we forget everything and find ourselves lost in a sea of eternity.”

With the fire now roaring, and his watch seconds from nearing 7 o’clock, Rhubarb released the brakes and started up the engine. Steam, smoke, and other indiscernible gases escaped from the locomotive as it bellowed with life, startling Columbus who had just settled into a momentary dream about being a prima ballerina. The locomotive lurched forward slowly.

“And now we bid fond adieu to the present ... or future ... and make our way to the glorious past.”

The stationmaster watched from the platform, a lone figure and witness to the couple’s departure. He waved briefly before collecting himself and gruffly resuming his duty, which at the moment involved sweeping the newly dusted platform once again.

As the locomotive pulled away, Rhubarb shoveled a few more loads of coal into the firebox. He knew that they might have to traverse some distance for some time if they were to make any considerable trip back into history. The locomotive was now moving at a steady pace, and Rhubarb decided to sit down and take a moment’s rest. With Columbus cushioning his back and the fire warming his body, Rhubarb dreamt of where they might end up in the past.

Whhhy? - Tamagoras

Continuing the trend of questionable transforming toys my parents got me and my brother were these strange toys which I recently learned were called Tamagoras, made by Bandai. Mattel eventually brought them over to the US as Meteorbs, and included them as He-Man and She-Ra's buddies along with the rest of the Masters of the Universe characters.

I had Wani (Crocobite in the US), and my brother had Gorira (Gore-illa in the US). Wani was a red crocodile that turned into ... a red egg. He shouldn't be confused with my brother's Gorira which turned into ... a grey egg. Yes, Tamagoras were animals that transformed into eggs. At least that's better than a rock, right? In the American Meteorbs line, they appeared as characters in the Masters of the Universe comic books, more or less as pets.

Here is a picture of Gorira as a gorilla:

And now as an egg:


What's worse was that Gorira was a pain in the ass to fit into his egg. At least Wani folded up pretty neatly. And even more amazingly, Tamagoras is making somewhat of a comeback in Japan, as new Tamagoras were released in November of 2008.

So I ask, why, Tamagoras? Whhhy?!

Celebrity Sightings - Ron Jeremy

My favorite celebrity sighting of all time, bar none, is Ron Jeremy, "The Hedgehog" of porn. I really wish I had gotten his autograph. He's a much funnier actor than he gets credit for.

My family was having dinner at Lawry's in Beverly Hills, and he was seated a couple of tables away with his friends.

Now he didn't really do anything of particular interest. But one of his friends was very animated as he told a story to the table. His friend had a big smile on his face and was furiously beating his loosely clenched fist up and down. A lot. Feverishly. My brother and I surmised the story went something like this:

...And I was so mad, so mad, I was pounding my fist up and down, on the table, like this. And then ... BOOM! It exploded!

Yes. That's why he was furiously pumping his fist. Up and down. Repeatedly.

Unnecessary Sequels - Casablanca

"Casablanca" is one of my favorite movies. Aside from being one of Hollywood's greatest romances, I also consider it one of the early buddy movies. First there is the friendship between Humphrey Bogart's Rick Blaine and Dooley Wilson's Sam. They escape together as the Nazis march on Paris, taking up residence in Casablanca, Morocco. There they build a comfortable life together, with Sam as Rick's pianist. And when Rick sells his bar to Signor Ferrari, he makes sure that Sam is taken care of, receiving an ample share of the daily intake. Even Rick's relationship with Claude Rain's Captain Renault is very nuanced. It may seem that Captain Renault has the upper hand on Rick, but that is not always the case as evidenced by the scene in which Rick helps a young couple win enough money to buy their way out of Casablanca, much to Renault's chagrin. They are often pitted against each other as adversaries in the film, but as is quite clear by the finale, they are simply forced into their roles by the external pressures of their lives. In fact, they share a friendly rapport throughout the film, and although Rick says to Renault at the end of the movie that "this is the start of a beautiful friendship," they really have been friends all along. Thus the spark of the sequel, "Casablanca 2: Blood Reckoning."

A direct sequel to "Casablanca," "Blood Reckoning" finds Rick and Captain Renault together several months later fighting the Nazis in Northern Africa. More of an action/adventure/mystery/buddy comedy/revenge flick, Rick and Captain Renault, along with a ragtag band of French and Moroccan freedom fighters, launch guerrilla strikes on Nazi encampments, attack convoys, and even do battle with the Desert Fox himself, Erwinn Rommel. Partway through the film, lost and wandering in the desert, the two discover that they are not that far from Casablanca, and decide to sneak in and take up refuge. There, Rick discovers that Sam has died under dubious circumstance, and that Signor Ferrari now controls 100% of Cafe American. Through keen detective work along with Captain Renault's help, Rick learns that it was Ferrari that had Sam killed. Rick conceives of a plan to not only rob Ferrari of everything, but that also ousts the Vichy Regime from Morocco once and for all.

Neither Ilsa nor Victor Laszlo would be featured in the sequel, although they would be referred to by other characters as well as mentioned in news stories. Carl and Sascha return as employees working in Ferrari's Cafe American, and are instrumental in Rick's investigation into Sam's death. Instead of Rick having a love interest this time around, Captain Renault is lovestruck by a young Parisian woman named Amandine who finds herself stranded in Casablanca. Ultimately he has to decide between his love for Amandine and his friendship with Rick (with a very surprising outcome). This sequel boasts considerably more action than the previous film, with a very twist-filled ending that cannot be missed. People who love action/adventure with a little bit of buddy comedy and a tad of mystery, or vice versa, will love this film.

Yokai of the Week - Karakasa

Karakasa are a type of tsukumogami. Tsukumogami are objects that, when they reach their 100th year, become sentient. Umbrellas become karakasa when they reach their 100th year. That doesn't explain why they only have the one eye. (Maybe because they only have one foot?)

Steven Seagal vs. Steven Seagal

Now for those who aren't acquainted with the work of Steven Seagal, he is... Well, let's put it this way: Let's say you take all of the characters he has portrayed, then take an average of the capabilities, power, and the mortality rate of those characters. (This is a popular game amongst my friends.) You will find that based on an average of his roles, he is the most powerful actor in the universe, more powerful than Morgan Freeman, Tom Cruise, and Will Smith based on the average of their roles. As far as I know, he is almost always the lead character, has only played good guys, never has any faults, is a master of all marital arts (see first comment below), barely gets a scratch, and has only died in one movie, reluctantly (and even that can't be verified since the viewer never sees a body). And he has only gotten more powerful with time. With age he has grown slower, more frequently resorting to body doubles to do his work. Yet he has gotten more powerful as he requires the littlest of movements to block, and utilizes the littlest of force to hurl his opponents away as if he were a mighty gale wind. So with all of this in mind, I asked myself and my friends what would happen if you were to make a film with twin Seagals fighting each other, and this was the conversation we came up with.
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PRODUCER
We thought it would be a great idea to have you (Steven Seagal) play twins that are forced to fight each other.

SEAGAL
I wouldn't fight myself.

PRODUCER
Hear me out. It's like "Double Impact," but one is a bad twin and the other is a good twin.

SEAGAL
I'm the good guy.

PRODUCER
Well, you are. But you also play the bad twin.

SEAGAL
I'm always the good guy.

PRODUCER
Okay, there just happens to be twin Seagals, neither one necessarily bad, and you end up fighting.

SEAGAL
I wouldn't fight myself.

PRODUCER
Let's just say hypothetically that there's two of you and you have to fight each other, who loses?

SEAGAL
I don't lose.

PRODUCER
Let me put it another way then. If you fought yourself...

SEAGAL
I wouldn't fight against myself.

PRODUCER
Hypothetically, you fight yourself, who wins.

SEAGAL
I do.

Try not to go to the bathroom or have sex if a loved one is in transit on a road or plane trip

It might seem like a very difficult thing to do, but restrain yourself. Although it is very unlikely, there is still the slightest chance that your loved one could die in a tragic accident en route to their destination. In such cases, some family members have reported spiritual (paranormal) activity coinciding at the time of death of their loved ones involved in traumatic accidents. This includes phantom phone calls, cool breezes, and sometimes even spectral appearances.

That being the case, not going to the bathroom or having sex at the time of your loved one's death affords his or her spirit a better chance to visit you one last time as a ghost. Given that not much is known about the afterlife, it is possible that there is only a very brief window of opportunity in which they can appear to you. Generally, people try to avoid encounters in uncomfortable situations, and with the dead, as former people, it can be assumed that they, too, would also do so. Therefore it would be prudent to spend a minimal amount of time engaging in private activities in order to maximize the opportunity for your deceased loved one to visit you. I am sure that you would feel deep regret if you learned that your loved one accidentally died while you were dropping a load, as clearly your loved one, rather than shock and embarrass you in your state, opted instead to continue with his or her trip.

So if you can manage it, avoiding physical urges could mean one more chance for a dearly deceased friend or relative to offer one last goodbye and farewell as they move on to the next plane of existence. And something like that really shouldn't be missed.

Ask MidnightHunnyRun

A lot of people ask me for advice, so I've decided to start an advice column here on the blog.
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DEAR MIDNIGHTHUNNYRUN:

My husband is cheating on me and I don't know what to do. I still love him. What should I do? -- MY HUSBAND IS CHEATING ON ME AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, MUSKOGEE,OK

DEAR MY HUSBAND IS CHEATING ON ME AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO: The answer couldn't be more obvious--make more sandwiches. Your relationship is clearly suffering from a lack of sandwiches. It doesn't matter what kind; any type should suffice. Italian cold cut sandwiches might be best, though. Make more sandwiches, and you should find yourself hunger-free and fully satisfied.