New segment! Celebrity Sightings - Luke Perry

I live in Los Angeles where quite a few celebrities live, plus I used to work at a Mail Boxes, Etc. where a lot of actors and Hollywood types used to have mailboxes. Now I can't talk about their mail, but I can talk about some of my interactions with them. These will be all 100% true. Today's edition is about Luke Perry.

Luke Perry actually lives across from my grandma, so I've seen him quite a bit. He's nice enough, waving hello from across the street to my grandma, his ever present baseball cap pulled down low. Quite a few times he's had a large truck and trailer outside his house as he's quite the dirt bike enthusiast.

Well Mr. Perry also had a mailbox at the Mail Boxes, Etc. at which I used to work. His wife (I believe ex-wife, now), Minnie, used to always pick up the mail. She is beyond sweet, and is a very lovely woman. Now when your box got too full, we had to empty the box and hold the mail so that you would have to sign for it. This was to ensure that people picked up their mail regularly. Well one day Mr. Perry came in, and, well, here's the script:

MIDNIGHTHUNNYRUN
Mr. Perry, we're holding a lot of mail for you, do you want to sign for it?

MidnightHunnyRun holds up the bag for Luke Perry to see, and Mr. Perry stares at it.

(beat)

Luke Perry sighs.

(beat)

LUKE PERRY
Fuck.
(beat)
I'll pick it up later.

Luke Perry leaves. And never comes back.

THE END

This was the one and only time I have ever talked to Luke Perry, despite the fact that he lives across the street from my grandma. I don't dislike him for it, but I still find it funny nonetheless. So that's the first of my celebrity sightings. Some are less interesting than that, but I have plenty. Stay tuned for episodes starring David Schwimmer, Heather Graham, and Susan Sarandon.