Phoenix Inn Chinese Cuisine in Chinatown

Plans for eating all-you-can eat Korean BBQ tonight fell through, so instead I got to eat Chinese in Chinatown. The restaurant of the night was Phoenix Inn Chinese Cuisine. It is one of several Phoenix restaurants spread across the Southern California landscape. I've eaten at Phoenix Inn twice before, so I know the food is good. This time we ordered four dishes I've never tried before.

The first thing I saw on the menu that I wanted to try was deep-fried pork intestine. I've made my own chitlins before, so I kind of knew what to expect. The deep-fried pork intestine came pretty much like the name said, without much additional seasoning and a side of pickled vegetables. If you've ever eaten intestine, then you know that the walls of the intestine vary in terms of thickness and consistency. The thicker pieces were a bit chewy, which was to be expected. The thinner pieces, though, were wonderfully crunchy. And in between were pieces that were both crunchy and fatty at the same time, although I don't believe that part is actually fat. They were good, but I wouldn't necessarily add it to my regular menu.

We also got deep-fried shrimp rolls. (Two deep-fried dishes already?) These were pretty straight forward as well, with eight rolls filled with meaty shrimp. They were just out of the fryer when they got to the table, which is always a plus when dealing with deep-fried foods. The crunch factor of the skin was very high without feeling overly greasy, and the shrimpiness was excellent.

The third dish was sliced beef with Satay sauce. This was probably the weakest course of the night. Although the name of the dish mentions Satay sauce, it is nothing like the beef Satay you might get at a Thai restaurant. The beef came sliced like so many Chinese beef dishes, and was more or less steeped in a slightly sweet sauce. There were absolutely no frills, or thrills, with this plate. It was sizable portion of beef, but seemed to be deficient elsewhere.

The final dish was seafood chow mein, which only differs from the house special chow mein in that there is no beef or pork in it, and only the seafood and vegetable bits. We got it crispy, so that there was a little crunch (Are you noticing a theme?) to the parts that hadn't absorbed the gravy fully. It was loaded with morsels of rock cod, squid, shrimp, scallop, and Chinese broccoli. Nothing really set this chow mein apart from others, but it was satisfying and hit all the right notes.

Overall the meal was quite decent, although nothing to get overly excited about. The four dishes came out to around $40 so it's not cheap. Nowadays I don't associate Chinatown with good Chinese food, especially when Monterey Park is another hop away and offers superior authentic Chinese food at cheap to reasonable prices. But Phoenix Inn in Chinatown does a good enough job that as long as Monterey Park remains 6 miles further than Chinatown and I don't want to go that far, I guess I'll be eating here.

Some other notes on Phoenix Inn:
This has never happened to me before at a Chinese restaurant, but they gave me a side of ketchup and mustard. Not Chinese spicy mustard, but like French's yellow mustard. I don't know what it was for, and why they thought I would need it (I didn't). Maybe it was like the time I went to eat Chinese with my Chinese friend and Hispanic friend. Both my Chinese friend and I got chopsticks, but the waiter took one look at our other friend and handed him a fork, marking perhaps the first time in history a Hispanic dude had to ask the waiter for a set of chopsticks at a Chinese restaurant.

Phoenix Inn Chinese Cuisine
Chinatown
301 Ord St.
Los Angeles, CA 90012
(213) 629-2812

Phoenix Inn Chinese Cuisine

Deep-Fried Wulf's Top Ten Baby-fied Movies

This Top Ten is so big it has way more than ten. Feel free to add suggestions.

12 Angry Men Babies
The 40-Year-Old Virgin Baby
Baby American History X
Baby American Psycho
Baby Apocalypse Now
Baby Bad Boys II
Baby Children of Men
The Baby Deer Hunter
The Baby Godfather
Baby Geniuses Babies
Baby King Kong
Baby Memento
Baby Old Boy
Baby Old Dogs
Baby Porky's
Baby Psycho
Baby Rambo
Baby Requiem For Dream
Baby RoboCop
Baby Schindler's List
Baby Taxi Driver
Baby Three Men and a Little Baby
Baby Total Recall
Fast and Furious Babies
Knocked Up Baby
Men in Black Babies
National Lampoon's Baby Animal House
Night of the Living Dead Babies
No Country For Baby Old Men
Saving Baby Private Ryan
Terminator Babies
The Usual Baby Suspects

Ask MidnightHunnyRun

DEAR MIDNIGHTHUNNYRUN:

My friend says Lebron James is teh [sic] greatest basketball player to ever lace up sneaks, but I says [sic] Kobe Bryant has more champonship rings and is better than he will ever be. I bet my friend a [sic] authentic Lebron jersey if Im [sic] right, and he bet me the new Kobe Vs. Please settle this argument for us and let my friend know whats [sic] up. -- LAKERS4LIFE

DEAR LAKERS4LIFE: Questions such as this one are constantly being batted about, but there really is no clearcut answer. The argument is pointless, as both players merit recognition for their performance on the court. Whether or not one player is greater than the other can be measured once both players have hung up their sneakers. Oh, and seeing as neither of you has a winning argument, I'd be more than willing to claim the jersey and shoes.

Time Train - Chapter 8

Rhubarb and Columbus find themselves stranded and hunger-stricken in an unfamiliar town.
___


The sun glared down on Rhubarb T. Porterhut and his ever present hound-in-waiting, Columbus, as they shambled through town looking for some place where they could stave off their appetite. Although it was nearly noon, Winter’s chilly breath ensured a crisp, encompassing air. Since it was too late for breakfast but too early for supper, there were not many food options available save for the general store or the bar, the latter of which Rhubarb hoped to avoid.

Rhubarb had been walking around for less than several minutes when he felt an aching in his back and shoulders. At first attributing the pain to hunger and old age, he finally settled upon releasing Columbus from his confinement, hoping not to exacerbate his health issues any further. Columbus, for his part, was overjoyed at being able to walk on his own four feet, rather than being attached to his master’s back, so to speak.

“I am famished, Columbus, but it looks as though we picked a dilly of a place to stop. Perhaps we will have better luck the next street over.” But Columbus could answer not—he was simply too hungry to even sigh.

After several minutes of navigating the quiet streets of downtown Decatur, the two hungry travelers found themselves in front of a cluttered, but promising general store. And as if on a breeze, both Rhubarb and Columbus wafted in through the doors.

The store was filled to the rafters, with odd knickknacks and thingamabobs. Not a corner was empty, and not a surface unoccupied. The thick layers of dust belied the business of the establishment.

“Excuse me, sir,” Rhubarb addressed the store manager, “but what might I ask do you have in the way of victuals? For my companion and I are in the midst of our travels and are in need of some sustenance.”

The manager, taking the unlikely pair for more vagrants, was about to shoo them out of the store until Rhubarb produced his billfold, whereupon the manager eschewed his stuffy demeanor for opportunity. The pathetic huckster launched into a routine that would embarrass the simplest of charlatans, and began working to reel in Rhubarb.

“Are you in luck then, as you’ll find no finer, no better stocked establishment than Finny’s Country Store. Our store offers the finest in tools, supplies, and ornaments with which to embellish your house and home, or ... wherever you might reside. And I’ll challenge you to name any other store in the next hundred, nay, five hundred miles that can present to you a better price. Why ask and ye shall receive, and if it exists under the heavens it will surely exist in here. My name is Finny and I am glad to know you.”

“I have no mind for tools or challenges ... but what have you in terms of food?”

Finny’s mind was spinning with ways to make a sale. In reality, he didn’t have much food stock except for a small batch of stale day-old biscuits.

“Well today is your day, my lad, as we just baked a batch of our famous biscuits this morning. Fresh as can be, and my are they tasty.” Finny gestured toward a stack of pale biscuits under glass.

The thought of biscuits was not particularly appetizing to Rhubarb. However Columbus, had he any saliva left, would have been salivating. Instead he resorted to kind of a dry heave akin to that act that dogs perform before vomiting.

“Might you have anything else perhaps? Pemmican, or some such?”

“Why, these biscuits are quite good, and seeing as how you’re the twentieth ... no, make that the twenty-fifth customer today to come in and inquire of them, I can cut you deal,” The manager emphasized and lingered on the last three of his words, each one separately.

Since they had spent the majority of their time wandering, the engine was near ready. Needing to hurry back to the train platform, Rhubarb did not wish to quibble. “Fine, fine, I will take the biscuits,” and he absent-mindedly handed the store manager some bills.

Stifling his joy, Finny snatched the money and stuffed it into his pants pocket without counting. Hoping to usher his customers out before they had enough time to rethink the transaction, Finny hurriedly dumped the remaining biscuits into a sack.

“And one last thing. Do you have a jug? I’ll need to fetch some water before I go.”

“Yes, yes, over there, in the corner. Grab any jug you like. I’ll throw it in for free.” When Rhubarb turned his back, the store owner smiled to himself.

Handing the sack of biscuits over to Rhubarb, Finny just about shoved them out the door while pointing towards a nearby water pump. As Finny disappeared back into his cave of a store, Rhubarb thought he heard him laughing.

“Well, Columbus, we have what we came for. First the water, then a biscuit.”

As Rhubarb pumped the water into the jug, Columbus looked up at him with soulful eyes. In brief flash of understanding, Rhubarb removed the jug and allowed Columbus to quench his thirst. After a minute or two of furious lapping, Rhubarb handed a biscuit to his furless friend. And for a moment, Columbus was the happiest he had been in a long time.

Even Rhubarb had to admit that, while the biscuit was the furthest thing he could imagine from being delicious, it filled an emptiness that needed filling at the time. With their hour nearly up, both adventurers headed back toward the station with renewed vigor.

Celebrity Sightings - David Schwimmer

One of my favorite celebrity sightings was Friends' Ross, David Schwimmer. It's not that I was big fan of Friends (I'm not), but our paths have crossed no less than four times. I can honestly say that David Schwimmer is just as much a dork in real life as he is on TV, but a sweet one.

The first time I met him was when Friends was still at the peak of it's popularity. He came into the Mail Boxes Etc. where I worked to open up a mail box. In order to open a box, Mail Boxes Etc. needs a photocopy of your drivers license. His drivers license is as un-Hollywood as you can get. His hair was messy in the picture, and he looked like a normal guy.

The second time he came in, he was helping fellow actor Eddie Cahill ship some stuff presumably to his new home in New York. Eddie Cahill was a guest star on Friends at the time, playing Rachel's love interest, Tad. He is currently on CBS' CSI: NY. David Schwimmer helped him carry in several large boxes of stuff.

The third time was a little more interesting. I was driving by the street on which the Mail Boxes Etc. was located, when I saw David Schwimmer run out of the alley (he has a very awkward way of running, might I add). He turned the corner and quickly dashed into the corner deli. I like to imagine he was starving and in a rush to pick up a cold cut sandwich.

The last time I saw him was the best. I was driving westbound down 3rd Street near the corner of La Cienega, where the Beverly Center is located. I was still in front of the Beverly Connection, across from the strip mall. Traffic was backed up on the westbound side because an old lady and her car was stopped in the right lane leaving only one lane open. As I was sitting there for the light to change, a car manages to swoop into the right lane right behind the old lady. And out of the car hops out David Schwimmer. He ran over, awkwardly again, and popped his head into the old lady's window. By that time the light had changed so I had to drive on, but I imagined that David Schwimmer had gotten a call from his nana and was coming to her rescue.

So what did I learn from this? That David Schwimmer is a dork, but he's a nice guy willing to rush to the aid of an old lady and a deli sandwich. Plus he's really tall.

The Pitch - Police Academy Babies

During the '80s and early '90s there was no shortage of animated spin-offs to live-action movies. Beetlejuice, Ghostbusters, Little Shop of Horrors, Rambo, Robocop, Teen Wolf, and The Toxic Avenger were a few of the many films that were questionably spun-off into animated programs targeting children. None of these were particularly successful, and most certainly none of these surpassed the original films on which they were based. In most cases, the original films were aimed at mature audiences and contained content not suitable for children, and often times it was that content that gave films like Rambo and Robocop their edge. So when translated into animated form, much of the essence of these films was clearly lost. Police Academy: The Animated Series was another such show that failed to gain an audience.

With all of the movie series' characters present, including Carey Mahoney who would not appear in subsequent films in the series, it seemed like a surefire hit. After all the movies themselves were little more than live-action cartoon comedies appealing to adolescents. The problem with Police Academy as with all those other films was the same: not enough differentiation toward the extreme. These series were all watered down versions of the original. Aside from being animated, they offered no novelty. But not all animated spin-offs fared poorly. One show that garnered a little more success while carving out a new audience for itself was Jim Henson's Muppet Babies.

Jim Henson's Muppet Babies took the lovable characters from The Muppet Show, and transplanted them, as babies, into a children's nursery. The characters, for the most part, retained their personalities, but they now had to navigate the world of children through their imagination. The idea was a creative breakthrough, as the animated format allowed the Muppet babies to have adventures they couldn't otherwise have had in the live-action world. By presenting the Muppets as babies, producers of the show were able to push hard for the youth demographic which was receptive to the show. Others shows attempted similar schemes, like The Flintstone Kids and A Pup Named Scooby Doo, but they didn't push it as far as Muppet Babies did to really differentiate themselves as their own properties apart from their parental sources.

So Muppet Babies succeeded where so many others failed. But second chances are still possible, and with the current news of a Police Academy reboot, perhaps it's time to rethink this animated spin-off approach with Muppet Babies in mind. Police Academy: The Animated Series might not have been a bad idea, but Police Academy Babies would have been a laugh riot. Just like Muppet Babies, transplant all of the characters from Police Academy into a nursery as babies, remove the nanny, and sit back as they maintain order amongst the rest of the unruly babies. They would retain most of their characteristic idiosyncrasies, such as Moses Hightower's superhuman strength, Larvell Jones gift of mimicry, and Eugene Tackleberry's gung-ho nature.

Typical crimes could include missing baby food. Laverne Hooks could drive her police cruiser Big Wheels recklessly as she followed a suspect on his tricycle. Then, with the thief hiding inside a playhouse, Hightower could show up to lift the house up singlehandedly thus exposing the culprit. Of course Captain Harris and Proctor would be up to their old habits of trying to undermine Commandant Lassard and obtain his position. The action and storylines would be absurd, which would not only follow in the spirit of the films, but could also make the animated show memorable in its own right. Or push the show beyond the nursery into a world filled with baby citizens. The adventures wouldn't have to stop there, as the next step would be Police Academy Babies in Space. The possibilities are limitless.

This formula need not apply only to Police Academy, but can be applied to virtually any other film out there. Baby Rambo. Baby Robocop. Baby Total Recall. Baby Men in Black. The titles alone conjure up images and the rest just writes itself. The series don't even have to have original storylines, they can just copy the films with all of the characters replaced by baby versions. So, Hollywood, if you plan on spinning off any animated kid shows in the near future, you might want to consider baby-fying them. After all, it did work for the Muppets.

Yokai of the Week - Rokurokubi

During the daytime, rokurokubi resemble normal human beings, usually women, but at night their necks can stretch to incredible lengths. Some rokurokubi even maintain normal lives, complete with spouses, keeping their secret hidden. According to some traditions, rokurokubi are cursed humans that, along with their stretching necks, must feed off of human blood to sustain themselves.

Smoked Salmon and Capers in Vodka Cream Sauce

Tonight I wanted to make a simple dinner with stuff in the house, so I decided on pasta. We always have pasta, capers, and vodka (because I like vodka) in the house,and we ended up having some frozen smoked salmon and whipping cream. I also sliced some onions to toss in to add more texture and a slightly sweet contrast to the smoky, salty salmon. There wasn't enough whipping cream, so I used some heavy cream which is a little too rich for a vodka cream sauce.

I probably should have used a thicker, wider noodle than the capellini, as the increased surface area meant that I had to add more cream than was usually necessary. It wasn't horrible, but it could have been better, so I made some mental notes for next time.

I assembled some soycatash to appease the veggie police. It was pretty good, but then again it usually is.

Dinosaurs - Rock Star Legends?

It's funny how many people love dinosaurs. So many dinosaurs used to roam the earth, yet most of our knowledge is based on relatively few intact fossil specimens. And out of the thousands of species that roamed the Earth, perhaps a handful are commonly recognized with even less receiving legitimate rock star status. But ask any of those dino-fans if they'd want a pet iguana and they'd probably balk at the thought. Or ask them if they'd want to ride an elephant, which would be similar in size to some medium-sized dinosaurs, and maybe half might turn the offer down.

Dinosaurs are very fortunate, welcoming a reputation that is perhaps the result of misguided admiration. Dinosaurs are cool, but lizards, or birds depending on your belief of evolutionary theory, are just not as interesting (even though they are pretty interesting). Because we don't have any dinosaurs living among us today, we are content to create an idealized image of humongous beasts, larger than life, that ruled over the world. It is surprising to note how little we really know about dinosaurs.

It was only decades ago that scientists believed Tyrannosaurus rex walked upright and were hunters. The current belief now is that they traveled more horizontally, with their tail as a ballast, and that they were scavengers, not hunters. Popular belief also held that dinosaurs were scaly like lizards, whereas recent findings suggest that T. rexes were born with feathers, or that they had feathers throughout their adult life. Controversy even surrounds the Brontosaurus, as it is now simply known as Apatosaurus, the Brontosaurus not showing enough distinguishing characteristics to warrant a whole new species. However much of this knowledge is perhaps not mainstream, partially because there are people out there who don't want to believe it.

So despite what we know, or perhaps don't know, dinosaurs still garner more affection over similarly structured creatures that live today because of that mythos in which we choose to believe. And stuffed animal dinosaurs and anthropomorphized dinosaurs don't help the situation as such depictions present dinosaurs as things they most certainly not: soft, cuddly, intelligent, cool, warring alien dudes. Well cool maybe, but definitely not the rest of those things. The really thing might even be kind of a let down. I'm pretty sure a kid would be pretty unsatisfied if you offered him a real dinosaur only to hand him compsognathus. I know I would be.