Saturday, February 27, 2010

Top Ten Internationally Recognized Cryptids

According to Wikipedia, a cryptid is a "creature whose existence has been suggested but that is unrecognized by a scientific consensus." With that said, here is my list of favorite, internationally recognized cryptids.

1. Mongolian death worm
2. Trunko
3. unicorn
4. Jersey Devil
5. Mothman
6. Chupacabra
7. Black Shuck
8. Tsuchinoko
9. Bigfoot
10. Mokele-Mbembe

Some people may be crying foul because Nessie isn't on my list, but I don't believe it is possible for a dinosaur, or more importantly a community of dinosaurs, to exist in a single loch under the current environmental conditions largely because the concentration of oxygen in the air limits the the development of megafauna of that size.

Mokele-Mbembe makes the list because there is not enough evidence to indicate that it is a dinosaur, and it could be some sort of large monitor lizard or an unknown species of elephant or rhinoceros.

Mothman and the Jersey Devil make the list because they fall under a similar category of cryptids and strange phenomena, along with the chupacabra, that they may be examples of an unknown animal species.

Ask MidnightHunnyRun

DEAR MIDNIGHTHUNNYRUN:

How do I get my son to stop holding his head whenever I order food at the drive-thru? --CONFUSED MOM, LOS ANGELES, CA

DEAR CONFUSED MOM: Without knowing the specifics of why your son might be doing this, I can only speculate that it perhaps has to do with your ordering process. Could it be possible that when you order you speak too quickly or do not allow the order taker ample enough time to place the order? Although most fast food restaurants try to cut down on the amount of time it takes to fill each order, it can be difficult for them to punch it in when it is given to them too quickly or when it is given with too many adjustments. Waiting for the order taker to offer a verbal acknowledgement between items also ensures the accuracy of the order.

Friday, February 26, 2010

When Are Unicorns Going to Get the 'Twilight' Treatment?

Unicorns, and the concept of unicorns, have been around for centuries. And over time they have been slowly re-envisioned. However there are dozens of other mythical creatures and fictional monsters that have been updated far more drastically within the last few years.

Greek mythology was the backdrop for the God of War video game series which saw many of the stories re-imagined and tailored to fit a modern audience. The series plays with the myths, creating warped versions of the originals which serve the emotional arc of the game. At Universal Pictures, all of their famous monsters have been given face-lifts despite having first made it to the screen a little less than a century ago. In the cases of Dr. Frankenstein and his monster, the Wolfman, and Dracula, most of their core stories have been held intact, while their characterizations and visual portrayals have been updated. Even zombies, a midnight horror film creation and staple, have been tweaked to the extent that much of their original allure no longer exists. But perhaps the most extreme changes have occurred to vampires, with series such as Twilight and True Blood playing with the very way people now perceive vampires. Despite all this need to revitalize myth, very little has been done with unicorns.

While most people today would consider a unicorn to be a horse with a single horn growing from its forehead (which, a horse, it most certainly is not), traditionally the unicorn has the beard of a billy goat, a lion's tail, and cloven hoofs. The Chinese qilin, perhaps a relative of the unicorn, is more chimaera, with a deer's body, a lion's head, green scales, and a long, curved horn. However the Japanese kirin, derived from the qilin, bears more resemblance to the Western unicorn.

The unicorn's prominence was probably greatest during the Medieval times, when it was depicted in many pieces of artwork, such as the Hunt of the Unicorn and Dame a la licorne tapestries. Unicorns were usually displayed in either their traditional form, their modern interpretation, or a combination thereof, and it is likely that during that time the idea of the unicorn changed dramatically. Writers and artists of the era romanticized the unicorn, attributing special powers and properties to the horn and its owner. The unicorn myth truly emerged, and the unicorn was no longer just a rare, flighty creature, but was a creature that embodied certain qualities, a creature that could not be caught by fair means, and a creature whose horn became a much sought after prize.

In modern times, the unicorn and its myth have rarely been utilized in the popular media. Unicorns made a brief appearance in Ridley Scott's Blade Runner in two significant scenes. In the 1980s, My Little Pony launched a line of unicorn ponies. But perhaps the two works most responsible for keeping unicorns alive, were the Peter S. Beagle novel and Rankin/Bass film The Last Unicorn, and the Ridley Scott film Legend. Those works followed the romantic tradition of the unicorn. Legend, as a live film, was constrained (by real-life terms and the lack of visual effects at the time) to using a horse made up to look like a unicorn. The novel of The Last Unicorn did its best to differentiate unicorns from horses, describing them as being "smaller and cloven-hoofed," and having "pointed ears and thin legs with feathers of white hair at the ankles." Since the film version was animated, the filmmakers were able to keep Beagle's vision of the unicorn intact. But aside from those predominantly '80s works, unicorns have all but fallen out of the limelight, except for a few recent appearances.

In April of 2009, pranksters hacked ESPN.com so that when one's browser was opened to that page and the user entered in the Konami code (up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, "B," "A," "ENTER"), unicorns filled the screen. It was a neat combination of unicorn activism and digital graffiti. Most recently, Cartoon Network's [adult swim] Games have launched a flash game called Robot Unicorn Attack, where the player controls a robot unicorn as it runs across floating land masses while trying to gather butterfly fairies and avoid crashing or falling which result in the robot unicorn's death.

Robot Unicorn Attack

Pushing the unicorn mythos into the next decade, [adult swim] is trying to offer a new, advanced take on unicorns. The robot unicorn presents a myriad of debates. On the one hand there is the human vs. robot debate. The inherent fear involved with that issue juxtaposes the fanciful nature and mysticism of unicorns. Perhaps it is also a commentary on the rare state of unicorns, that with the possible extinction of unicorns, the only way man will be able to see them in the future is if he builds them himself. In any case, this may be the first step towards seeing the unicorn myth rebuilt, since we simply cannot rely on Deviant Art to keep pumping out mediocre unicorn artwork to keep unicorns alive. And the world would be far less mysterious and beautiful if unicorns truly ceased to exist.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Time Train - Chapter 6

With hunger setting in, what are Rhubarb T. Porterhut and Columbus to do?
___


As Rhubarb T. Porterhut rejoiced his latest achievement, a verbal reminder alerted him to his hunger. It had been about six hours since he had broken fast, and he was in need of nourishment if he was to venture on. Columbus had been hungry for quite a while now, having been whisked away midway through his morning meal, but his constant belly rumblings went unnoticed by Rhubarb who eventually mistook them for his own.

Unsure of how deep into the past they would travel, Rhubarb had neglected to ask his dear wife Florentine to pack them a modest luncheon. If they could only head back now, they might be able to make it home in time for supper.

“What say you, Columbus? Should we head back to Florentine and recount our adventure over some aged beef?”

Slightly dizzy from the hunger, Columbus managed a small yip before cozying down into his sack.

“Well, good sir,” Rhubarb addressed the stationmaster, “much thanks for hospitality but it is best that we leave now so that we return home in a timely fashion.”

The stationmaster huffed a little sigh. There was not much else he could really do.

“If that be best, then on yer way you go. Godspeed, and I hope you enjoyed your stay in Decatur, albeit brief.”

Rhubarb turned to hop off the platform, but hesitated as he stared at his locomotive. For the first time in a long time he seemed perplexed, which only alarmed the droopy Columbus more. The general direction of the time traversing engine had no dictate on when they could end up in time, but it did have a bearing on where they would end up in space. Irregardless of time, if they were to make it back to Terre Haute, they would have to head in the opposite direction. Rhubarb made a slow about-face to the stationmaster who had barely moved an inch since their arrival.

“Excuse me again, good sir, but I would like to ask one last favor of you. My colleague and I need to head in a westerly direction, so would you be so kind as to help us turn our transport so that it faces in the opposite way?”

At such a large proposition, the stationmaster did not bat an eye, but just stood there as if weighing the decision, much like a frog on a lily pad about to go bottoms over. After what seemed like an eternity but was actually 2.3 seconds, the stationmaster answered.

“I suppose we might be able to manage something, but it may take some time. We have another train coming through her’ in an hour, so we’ll need to get it off the track, but in the meantime we can probably have yer engine righted.”

“An excellent idea, splendid,” answered Rhubarb, who was genuinely pleased by the solution. “Do you think you could manage that on your own? I only ask as I am famished, and if we are to say here longer, I must partake of a light meal before continuing our journey.”

Nonplussed, the stationmaster removed the hat from his balding scalp and scratched his head. “Reckon I could manage. A bit unusual, but…”

“I can compensate you, of course,” interjected Rhubarb, who was now largely thinking with his stomach and not his brain. Columbus was also in full agreement, now yowling and shedding furiously.

“Sure, sure. Just head on into town, and in ‘bout an hour we’ll have this whole thing worked out then.” There was a hint of eagerness in the stationmaster’s voice. He, too, was starting to feel the hunger, and he wanted to usher this strange man and his dog off the platform as soon as possible so that he could attend to his bread sandwich.

Rhubarb turned serious for a moment, then grabbed hold of the stationmaster. “There is just one thing you should know. Do not touch the dial marked ‘PAST/FUTURE.’” Rhubarb relaxed his face and his grip slightly before continuing. “It is nothing bad. There is no need to worry over it. But do not touch it.”

The stationmaster only nodded, and Rhubarb released his grip. Now walking away from the platform and towards the city, he turned back once more to look at his creation. He heard the stationmaster whistle and a young man ran out. Rhubarb could see the stationmaster grab hold of the young man and animatedly instruct him of what he was to do. He imagined the young man’s name was “Billy,” or “Tommy,” or some other double consonant, long “E” name. His hunger clouded his mind, and he wondered what his beloved wife Florentine was doing.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Killer Whale a Serial Killer?

A SeaWorld Orlando trainer was killed today when one of the orca whales named Tilikum pulled the woman into the water and violently thrashed her around until her death. According to eyewitnesses, Dawn Brancheou, 40, was pulled into the water by Tilikum during one of the afternoon shows. It is unclear whether drowning or the violent thrashing was the ultimate cause of death. What is unusual in this case is that this whale has been implicated in two other murders, and has a history of violent behavior.

The first such incident occurred when a group of three orcas, including Tilikum, killed their trainer when she fell into the pool. The incident occurred in 1991 at Sealand of the Pacific in Victoria, British Columbia. Humane Society scientist Naomi Rose claimed the orcas weren't trying to kill her, but that they "didn't know that humans can't hold their breath as long as whales can." None of the whales were charged, and Tilikum was subsequently sent to SeaWorld Orlando in Orlando, Florida.

The second incident in 1999 was much more mysterious. A park patron, presumed to have stayed after hours, jumped into Tilikum's tank at SeaWorld Orlando. Hours later, he was found, dead, and draped across the whale with his trunks floating in the water. Trauma to the man's body indicated that he was dragged alongside the orca's tank. The final cause of death was ruled to be hypothermia, but most suspicion pointed toward Tilikum as having ultimately caused the death of the rather stupid man. Again Tilikum avoided any jail time.

Now there is this third incident, and it is difficult to say since little time has passed, but Tilikum is likely to again avoid any legal reprimand. So far, Tilikum's attorney's suggestion that the "killer whale" moniker not be held against his client have been loosely observed, though the public has been growing impatient. Without an indictment and prosecution set forth by Florida's Attorney General's office, Tilikum could be free to kill more trainers and brainless park attendees. With the change of scenery brought about by the 1991 incident, it was thought that Tilikum's hyperactive behavior would curtail, but the incident in 1999 disproved that. Now with a third murder on his hands, SeaWorld and the public really should be concerned. It is possible that in Tilikum lies a serial murderer that has largely escaped justice through a shrewd legal counsel and animal rights sympathy, and if given the chance, he could strike again.

Celebrity Sightings - Adam Sessler

This week's installment of Celebrity Sightings might not be that exciting for most readers, but it was exciting for me. Mildly exciting. For those who don't watch much TV, Adam Sessler is co-host of G4TV's X-Play, a show that covers video games. And this encounter took place at the Hollywood Best Buy.

I was standing in line behind a guy. He was getting a video game. I didn't get a look at his face, but for some reason, just by staring at the back of his head I knew it was Adam Sessler. I've never seen him turn his back on the camera on X-Play, so I don't know how I knew this, but I did. Sure enough when he turned to pay it was Adam Sessler.

What makes this even stranger, is that my sister saw him at Canter's restaurant only a few weeks before. So now I know Adam Sessler intimately. I can recognize him by the back of his head, I know he shops at Best Buy, and I know that he likes to eat at Canter's. My only regret is that he wasn't with his co-host, Morgan Webb. Or that he wasn't just Morgan Webb. I find her just slightly hotter than him.

The Pitch - Figure Skate Pro 2010

Watching the Winter Olympics has got me thinking: Why haven't software developers been able to come up with a video game that accurately captures the sport of figure skating? A quick search brings up only a handful of ice skating games, none of which take the sport seriously. But not anymore. Enter "Figure Skate Pro 2010," the ultimate figure skating simulator.
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The game would feature many of the ice's current stars, as well as hall of famers from years past. If you've seen it on the ice, you can do it in the game. Quadruple jump? Check. Scott Hamilton's back flip? Got it. The Iron Lotus? It's in there, but only if you dare.
figureskatepro2010
And skaters will have their own signature moves and special moves performable once their super meter is full. The meter can be filled by successfully completing combinations. The rate of success depends on certain button combinations and timing, in conjunction with the charge meter on the bottom right of the screen. Bonuses score multipliers are also awarded for completed maneuvers.

Players will also be allowed to create their own ice skaters and take them through a career mode, where they will have to work their way up through the ranks. Players can take their skaters through training programs to increase their skills, and as they win more competitions and money, they can buy better equipment and access to better training facilities. Design your own skating routines and build your skater into a monster, with max points in jump, trick, leg, and stamina ratings. Imagine Scott Hamilton on commentary:

A triple Lutz! A triple Lutz! A triple Lutz! A triple Lutz! A triple Lutz! (awkward pause) What a combination. (awkward pause) Double Toe, and a double toe, and a double toe. (awkward pause) Another great combination.


Players will have access to different costumes for their skater, and they would even be able to design their own costumes. Bedazzle the shit out of your onesie. Add tassels to your skates. Rhinestone the hell out of your tights.

Ice skating fans will no longer have to wait for when Stars on Ice comes to town, or go to Camp Snoopy to check out Snoopy on Ice. They will be able to enjoy ice skating year round with "Figure Skate Pro 2010." Well, at least until the 2011 installment comes out.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Reptilians - Meet the New Aliens, Same As the Old Aliens

Most people are familiar with aliens being portrayed as little gray men with over-sized heads and large almond eyes, but perhaps fewer people are familiar with the alien race of Reptilians. A lot of proponents for the existence of extra terrestrial lifeforms consider Reptilians, reptilian humanoids, to be one of the other prominent alien races in regular contact with humans today. They are considered rivals to the "Grays," with some people claiming that many of the people walking among us are actually Reptilians in disguise. In fact many government officials and celebrities including Elvis, Michael Jackson, and even Princess Diana have been accused of being Reptilians who sought to subvert humans through political and populist movements. The Men in Black phenomenon may as well be a ploy by which Reptilians intimidate humans thereby keeping their war with the Grays secret.

When it comes to media coverage and dramatization of UFOs and aliens, Grays generally get the nod over Reptilians. But Reptilians have still found a way of making it into pictures. In the 1983 and 2009 television mini-series "V," the alien visitors were revealed to be Reptilians underneath their human shells. The series followed the more classical and intellectual approach toward Reptilians, as creatures posing as humans so that they can gain our trust and take over the world for themselves. But the 1954 film "Creature From the Black Lagoon" and ensuing sequels offered a more merman-like depiction. This follows the other tradition of unexplained encounters with strange creatures on empty roads and in lonely backwoods. Prime examples of this are the Lizard Man of Scape Ore Swamp, the Loveland Frog, and the Thetis Lake Monster, all of which are purported encounters with feral, bipedal, reptile-like beings. In these cases, the lizard-like creatures are viewed more as cryptids and less as aliens, although one can't deny a possible connection to Reptilians.

It is possible that until the day they make themselves fully known, the Reptilians may never have the reputation so enjoyed by the Grays. Perhaps they are content with their secret takeover of the Earth, and do not wish to partake of the celebrity status that comes with movie after movie. But if they could at least make a concerted effort to "accidentally" crash and slip up, making themselves better known, it might ease human reception towards their existence. A movie or two thereafter certainly couldn't hurt their reputation. Particularly when it comes time for them to enslave us humans.

Yokai of the Week - Kamaitachi

“Kamaitachi” literally translates to “sickle weasel.” According to Japanese folklore, kamaitachi are a set of three bloodthirsty weasel spirits. They appear as a gust of wind that knocks people down, but when the people get up they discover they have been cut by one of the kamaitachi. In some depictions, the first one knocks the person down, the second cuts them with a sickle, and the last one patches him up.
kamaitachi

Monday, February 22, 2010

Burger and Shoestring Fries

2/22/10 burger and fries
I needed an excuse to make fries again, so I made burgers for dinner even though I had a burger yesterday. I didn't have a fancy name for my burger. It was a 1/3 lb. 80/20 ground beef patty skirted with sharp cheddar cheese and topped with two thick slices of bacon, Sweet Mayan onion slices fried in the bacon drippings, and Bull's Eye Barbecue sauce served on a toasted potato bun. It turned out pretty good, cooked about medium rare.

I didn't make the same mistake as last time, and cooked way more fries than I did last week. I think my fries craving is satisfied now.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Blue Dog Beer Tavern in Sherman Oaks

2/21/10 Blue Dog Burger
Another day of basketball and another restaurant. This time it was Blue Dog Beer Tavern in Sherman Oaks. Blue Dog is mostly a beer and burger joint, and they do both well. They list about a couple dozen different beers, about half of which are on tap. Nine burgers are listed on the menu, but it looks as though you can pretty much ask them to make whatever burger you want, within reason, and pending available toppings. They also serve salads, sandwiches, and other typical bar fare. I will have to return for the Buffalo wings, since they look like the real deal.

Today I tried the Blue Dog Burger which is a 1/3 lb. of certified Angus beef, topped with 1/4 lb. of thick-sliced bacon, fried mushrooms and onions, Swiss cheese, and a hickory smoke sauce served on a grilled potato bun. Right off the bat it was clear that Blue Dog cares about its burgers, as they asked how I wanted mine (medium, but I could go medium rare next time). This was a very good burger. The patty was loosely hand-formed which left much of the beef texture and flavor intact. There were three large fatty slices of bacon about a quarter inch thick. And the cheese oozed and pulled like a good cheese should. It was a little bit messy, especially towards the end, but not so messy that it was difficult to eat. Overall, it was a wonderful melange of beefy goodness.

I also have to comment on the fries, which were also very good and came standard with the burger. They were natural cut with skin on, and they had an excellent crunch factor without sacrificing the interior flakiness. So paired with the burger, it was a very pleasurable experience to say the least. And all of this cost only a little more than a Hamilton.

Some other notes on Blue Dog:
- 4 out of 7 on my mess-o-meter, which means stuff might fall off, but if you have big enough hands you can hold it together.
- 7.5 out of 10 on my burg-o-meter, meaning I will definitely go back, even though I don't have many reasons to go to Sherman Oaks.

Blue Dog Beer Tavern
4524 Saugus Ave.
Sherman Oaks, CA 91403
(818) 990-2583

Blue Dog Beer Tavern