Celebrity Sightings - Castle Special Edition

For all of Friday, our neighborhood was home to the cast and crew of ABC's Castle. I don't watch much television, so when I say that I am a regular Castle watcher, it means something. Today was the final shoot of the season, so the scenes they shot today will be appearing in the season finale.

The cast and crew were especially nice, as they had pretty much invaded our neighborhood for the last couple of days, taking up street parking with their prop and equipment trucks. However I got the feeling that even if they weren't on location in someone's backyard, they still would have been nice. I met and talked to several of the crew who were kind enough to chat with me about the show, the industry, and their jobs. Everybody had a story, and they were all interesting to talk to.

And we did get to meet the two stars of the show, Stana Katic and Nathan Fillion. They seemed genuinely pleased to greet us, and were kind enough to sign for us. I had my copy of Firefly signed by Nathan Fillion, and Sister C had Stana Katic sign her copy of Stiletto. Was Stana Katic ever surprised by that. For those who don't know, Stiletto was one of her earlier starring roles. It is an enjoyable film, and someday I'll get around to writing a review for it. Nathan Fillion was even kind enough to take a picture with me and Sister C:

As for what they filmed, I don't really want to spoil it, but here's a little preview: They visit the ******** house, and ********* him while his *** **** are ****ing ******. Oh, and Beckett wears her red jacket again. Oops, I've said too much.

Thanks to the cast and crew of Castle. The show is great, and I look forward to checking out the season finale on May 17.

Crazy in Los Angeles

When you live in a city like Los Angeles, you see your share of crazy people. Honestly, you have to be a little bit delusional to live here.

One time while working at Mail Boxes, Etc., a man in sunglasses came in requesting assistance, so my coworker attended to his needs. A few minutes later, the man stated in a voice loud enough for everyone in the store to hear that he didn't like my coworker's aura. My coworker wasn't being a douche or anything like that, and I felt that he dealt with the situation rather gracefully, not coming back with any anger and just letting the guy walk out. We had no idea what the matter was about. A few minutes later, though, the man in the sunglasses returned and apologized to my coworker, giving him a hug. Now in almost any other city with a few exceptions (New York, San Francisco, New Orleans) this would be aberrant behavior, but at the time while I felt it was strange, I wasn't particularly shocked. After all, the man had said aura, so he was dealing on a spiritual level. My assessment: SoCal crazy.

Another time while I was attending college, I was taking the bus home when a lady got on and started arguing with the bus driver. Like, loud, cursing-arguing, and right from the get go. If you've ever ridden the bus, you know the bus drivers don't take no shit. She had a heavy accent too, yelling, "You fargin' sunnovbitch! You sunnovbitch!" The bus driver couldn't kick her off but he did give her an equally good tongue lashing, and the whole time I kept hoping she didn't stop and stand near me. My assessment: Crazy-crazy.

These are pretty much both ends of the spectrum here. Everybody else falls somewhere in between. And me? I'm a good deal of both, just for good measure.

Celebrity Sightings - Two-fer

This celebrity sightings is political. Back in 2001, Brother G's senior class took a trip to D.C. for the inauguration of a certain unpopular president who shall go nameless. We went to pick him up from the airport and were waiting at the airbridge. (Remember, this is months before 9/11.)

Since his class flew economy, they wouldn't get off until the end, but who else did we end up seeing? First was John Lithgow, of Third Rock From the Sun fame (or Harry and the Hendersons, if that's your thing). He's pretty tall, but then I knew that already. But then a few people later, there was Busta Rhymes. And he's also really tall. That, I did not know. He looks so small in the music videos.

So there you have it, John Lithgow and Busta Rhymes both partied together at the inauguration for a certain unpopular president. Woo-hah, they got you all in check.

Yokai of the Week - Amikiri

Amikiri is a chimera of sorts, sharing the physical traits of various creatures: it has a serpentine body, a lobster's exoskeleton and claws, and the bill of a bird. And above all, it can fly! When no one is around, amikiri cuts up mosquito nets and other nets hung out to dry. Perhaps it's a distant relative of kamikiri?

Yokai Masterpiece #4 - Amikiri - colored chalk on poured concrete.

Officially, this is masterpiece #4, as I have two other unrevealed pieces from my original yokai series. Unfortunately this masterpiece is impermanent.

Buta no Kakuni

Dinner was a late night affair tonight, because I made buta no kakuni. Buta no kakuni is pork belly steamed and braised/boiled in a sweet soy sauce. And it takes four hours to make, and I only got home from the market at 6pm!

Pork belly is a relatively inexpensive cut of pork that is delicious to eat depending on how it is cooked. It has an extra thick layer of skin and fat that when cooked long enough, turns to gelatin.

For kakuni, you have to parboil for three minutes, steam for 2½ hours, and boil it for an hour. But if you follow all of the steps closely, you end up with a piece of pork that is ultra tender and ultra tasty.

Here's a picture of a piece that had a nipple on it. It was delicious.

Ghost Curse

I have spent a great deal of time reading ghost stories and studying ghosts, so I don't think it's too much to assume that a lot of hauntings result from traumatic deaths. Yet it's interesting in many hauntings how mundane most ghost sightings are. Even battlefield ghosts tend to be seen and not heard, and generally the sound of fighting is somewhat nondescript. What amazes me though, is how little you hear about angry, cursing ghosts. Angry ghosts are fairly common, but not particularly cursing. If I was fighting for my life, I'd probably be cursing.

Some might argue it's a difference in eras. Most history would have you believe that people were more genital (Ed. note: I originally mis-wrote this as "gentile," when I meant "genteel," so I decided to correct it as "genital" because, hell, what the hey?) in times past, but I don't believe that to always be the case. The American western frontier was occupied by many single men, and wherever there are single men, there is cursing. And there were enough gun fights resulting in fatalities that there should be angry, cursing, ghostly gunmen.

Perhaps the ghosts didn't know they were going to die and weren't prepared to swear. While possible, that couldn't always be the case. A gangster getting gunned down by G-men would most certainly know what was coming. And I don't think he'd have very kind words in that situation.

It'll be interesting to see if future ghosts take on more of the attitude of this era—and I wouldn't see why not considering that if someone dies now, they will always be from this time. That being the case, maybe there will be more swearing ghosts. Just once I'd like to read about a ghost that yells out "motherfudger."

My Top Twenty Movie Quotes

I have way more than twenty, but I'll start with this lot. Some of these I repeat all the time. I won't mention where they're from so you can have fun guessing. For Sister C, only list the movie title initials since you have an unfair advantage. Also, you can add the correct response since some of these have equally good follow-up answers.

1. But how in the name of Zeus' BUTTHOLE! ... did you get out of your cell? I only ask because in our current situation, well, it could prove to be useful information. MAYBE!
2. I wanted it to be you. I wanted it to be you so badly.
3. Look at that subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my God, it even has a watermark!
4. It's Marvin - your cousin, Marvin BERRY. You know that new sound you're looking for? Well, listen to this.
5. You. You are still dangerous. You can be my wingman anytime.
6. Please, God. No. You're one of them, aren't you?
7. Somebody's gotta go back and get a shitload of dimes.
8. We're gonna need a bigger boat.
9. Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again.
10. Zey dezerve to be 'ere mo zan we.
11. Littering and ... littering and ... littering and smokin' the reefer.
12. This is all his fault! He tricked me into going this way, but he'll do no better.
13. I live my life a quarter mile at a time.
14. And Leon's getting larger.
15. Phil? Phil Connors? I thought it was you!
16. Sir, you are talking to a nigger!
17. I have a meeting in ... men's room.
18. Say it! Say it! He was my boyfriend!
19. They're coming to get you, Barbara.
20. You son of a bitch, you left the bodies and you only moved the head stones. You only moved the head stones. Why? Why?

The Pitch - The Ladybirds

Every spring you can find gardening centers selling ladybugs to rid your garden of aphids and other bug pests. They either come in bags or little cardboard cups. If you've ever held a ladybug, then you know that they emit a foul chemical that irritates your skin—it's one of their defense mechanisms. Well it got me thinking about a movie idea. Like Locusts or Mosquito, you could have ladybugs terrorizing people for reasons unknown—that's not important. What is important is the awesome movie mock-up cover I made.

Yes, The Ladybirds could be coming to a theater near you to invade the peaceful Bodega Bay, or some other such place. All that is needed are a bunch of young, attractive, vapid starlets, a nerdy entomologist who gets eaten five minutes before the climax, and a bunch of real and model ladybugs. Forget the CG stuff, models are far more believable anyway.

As for plot, does it really matter? None of these types of movies have a plot worth following. Just have the bugs invade, create a panic, and start killing people off slowly. As long as the movies shows a little skin and a few grisly death scenes, the target audience will be more or less engaged.

So there you go, an inspired movie idea that I'm offering to Hollywood for free. But if anyone is looking for a producer or a nerdy entomologist-type, they can go ahead and tap me for the role as a thank-you.

Points to Consider When Shopping For a New Refrigerator

Today I went refrigerator shopping. We looked at the usual points of interest, i.e. energy usage, capacity, and layout—but I also checked for a number of factors that most people are unaware about.

As technology continues to advance, so do refrigerators. Nowadays, many refrigerators have built in computers that monitor temperature as well as handle water and ice dispensation. With such developments there should be growing concern regarding the refrigerator's place in our lives, since it is a growing possibility that advanced refrigerators may one day be sentient. Therefore savvy consumers should be more selective in their decisions.

I opt away from the top fridge/bottom freezer combination. If the refrigerator were to become sentient, then fighting it would be an issue. A bottom freezer refrigerator gives it a fighting advantage since the freezer is usually about knee height. The refrigerator could theoretically push the freezer drawer out taking out your legs, then finish you off with a fridge door to the chin. It's a perfect one-two combination.

Size is also an important issue. Most people want a large refrigerator as a larger size equals a greater capacity, but I say that you shouldn't get a refrigerator larger than you're capable of fighting off. A 3/4 refrigerator is appropriate for most single people, but only couples or established families should really consider a full-size. Indeed, a full-size refrigerator likely requires two fully-grown adults to combat it, so keep that in mind.

Lastly is the question of whether to get a water/ice dispensing refrigerator. I tested many a refrigerator on its dispenser placement, delivering mock jabs to the dispenser paddles. This becomes key when the refrigerator is attacking you, since it should be difficult for the refrigerator to put up a good fight if you're punching it in the control gut and forcing it to barf out water and ice cubes. But conversely, the refrigerator could use the dispenser to its advantage as a defensive mechanism to keep you at bay, or as a means of gloating over your defeated body by spewing water and ice onto your unconscious face—it's really the refrigerator's version of teabagging.

So next time you need to shop for a refrigerator, keep all this in mind, aside from issues like how cold the freezer gets and whether it's large enough to store several severed hands and heads. Because when you least expect it, the refrigerator may very well go after you, and when that happens you will be glad you thought ahead.

Time Train - Chapter 14

A day late, but no less great, here's the latest chapter of Time Train.
___

The engine eventually ground to a halt under its own power, allowing Rhubarb T. Porterhut to step down from the cab. Immediately he was assailed by a warm and humid air which engulfed him completely.

“Fibulious, hold onto Columbus and do not stray from the train.”

Fibulious was up and staring out the windows in wonder, oblivious to Columbus who managed a timid peak out the door from behind the cab walls. He didn’t hear a word that Rhubarb said, and quickly leapt down onto the mossy floor.

“Did you not heed my words?” hollered Rhubarb from beside a rather large tree.

Rhubarb attempted to corral Fibulious unsuccessfully, but had no need to worry about Columbus, as the African Husky had little desire to leave the engine cab. Meanwhile Fibulious was hopping over logs and looking under rocks—essentially just being a child.

“Wow! I never seen’d a forest before!”

Rhubarb was beginning to lose his patience chasing after Fibulious, and stomped his foot hard into a pile of twigs.

“Futureman, come here this instant. I am not sure where, or more likely when, we are, and it would be best if we do not venture too far from the one mode of apparatus that is likely to assist us in finding our way home.”

Coming to his senses, Fibulious stopped what he was doing and came back toward the train.

Wherever they were, it was certainly much different from where they had been before. Unlike the dark, bleak train yard they had been trying to escape from, the forest was full of vibrant greens and rich browns. The life around them could not be more different than the hint of death and decay they had left behind.

“Now I do not recall passing through or near any forests of this nature en route to. … Well, wherever it was where we were. This is most unusual.” Rhubarb attempted to mentally retrace their steps, but there were far too many holes to make complete sense of things. Instead he thought it better to focus on their present plight and see what could be done to remedy the situation.

“Futureman, come and help me examine the time traversal device.”

“The time versity vice?”

Rhubarb forgot that Fibulious was still newly acquainted with his creation. He pulled the young boy in close by his shoulders and pointed in the direction of the engine.

“Why, that is what we call the train. Officially, it is the space-distance and time-duration modulating traversal apparatus. ... Er, but you may call it the ... time train.” The name tickled both Fibulious as well as Rhubarb who hadn’t really considered much the form of his transportation.

“Now I need you to help me examine the time train to see if there is any damage to it. We stopped here rather unexpectedly and if we need to manage some repairs we will have to work quickly.”

Rhubarb began to inspect the engine thoroughly, looking for any sort of cracks or structural damage that might have caused the train to stop and that might be detrimental to further travel. However Fibulious was unsure of what exactly to look for, and kind of hovered around the train, trying to look like he knew what he was doing.

“What are we looking for Mister Portrait?”

“Why, cracks. Holes, steam leaks, burst valves. Anything that might make it difficult for us to go home.”

Fibulious stopped for a second, then as if he had noticed something, crawled between the large wheels and climbed underneath the train. “Mister Portrait?”

Although he was locked in concentration, Rhubarb managed a reply. “Yes, Futureman. Have you found something?”

“This is a train, right?”

“It is a time train, yes.”

“Does the time train need to run on railroad tracks?”

“Well, it is a train after all. What are you getting at?”

“Look!”

Rhubarb bent down to spy Fibulious underneath the train, but more important was that which was absent from beneath the train.

“Egads! No track?!”

Now it made sense why the train had stopped of its own accord. Without any railroad tracks to ride upon, the engine had sunk into a patch of dirt and moss. Rhubarb was beside himself.

“What are we to do? I never had any intention of operating the time traversal apparatus without railroad tracks.”

Fibulious crawled out from beneath the train and sat down beside Rhubarb. With a simple gesture he tugged on Rhubarb’s pant leg.

“It’s alright, Mister Portrait. You built the time train, right? That means you can figure out a way for us to get the time train to move again.”

Rhubarb generally had only his self-confidence to bolster his spirits, but the added confidence of his associate was enough to steel his nerve. “Perhaps you are right. As one of this century’s greatest inventors, I, Rhubarb T. Porterhut III, shall find a way.”