Actually it sort of looks like Blinky flying sideways, or maybe Pinky.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Why Mars Wouldn't Be Such a Bad Place For Me to Live
I'm thinking about moving some time in the next several months. There are a number of factors playing into my decision including proximity to work, proximity to friends, cost, access to food, zombie security, neighbors, etc. Some of my top candidates include Silverlake (closer to work, but also closer to hipsters which is a plus/minus), West LA (closer to friends, farther from work, but better food), and Los Feliz (closer to work, hipsters again). But one other option that I really should consider is Mars. The red planet, the fourth in our solar system, actually wouldn't be a bad fit for me. It might be far from my workplace and my friends for that matter, but it's also far from my enemies. Here's a few reason why Mars wouldn't be such a bad place for me to live.
The days are longer on Mars, 2.7% longer than Earth's in fact. Days on Mars are 24 hours and 39 minutes long. That means I could get an extra 39 minutes of beauty sleep!
The years are also longer on Mars at 687 Earth days. That means I would be considerably younger in Martian years. Why, in Martian years I'd be a little bit less than sixteen-years old! I'd still be a teenager!
Mars is also considerably cooler, at over 1.5 times the Earth's distance from the sun. As I run hot and prefer cooler climates, this would work in my favor.
I also prefer night to day for the most part, because it's cooler and also because it makes for better movie watching. And it's much easier and more fun to look up at the starry night sky than it is to look into the retina-frying sun. Plus Mars has two moons, Phobos and Deimos. That would be like having two giant nite-lites in the sky.
Lastly Mars is named after the Roman god of war (who in turn is just a rip off of the Greek god of war, Ares). I'm not particularly fond of war, but I do enjoy weapons of all sorts. It's like it was meant to be!
There are drawbacks to living on Mars though. Enormous dust storms. The largest dust storms in the solar system. That makes it pretty hard to play basketball outdoors. Limited water supply, possibly hidden in the polar ice caps. So no swimming pools. A nigh unbreathable atmosphere. Zero food options. But if a Mos Burger or a Pioneer Chicken were to open on Mars, then that would pretty much seal the deal for me.
Celebrity Sightings - More Luke Perry
Guess who has a blog and got to see Luke Perry topless? That's right, this guy.
While doing some errands at my Gma's house I saw Luke Perry trimming the hedges above his fence. Topless. Sweat glistening off his well-toned upper torso. So eat your hearts out, you time-traveling teenage girls from the early 90's, I know you wish you were me, and vice versa (a time machine would be so totally rad!).
Still not the best Luke Perry story I have, though. Psst, check out the earlier Luke Perry run-in. Beware, swearing was involved. And possibly nudity?
While doing some errands at my Gma's house I saw Luke Perry trimming the hedges above his fence. Topless. Sweat glistening off his well-toned upper torso. So eat your hearts out, you time-traveling teenage girls from the early 90's, I know you wish you were me, and vice versa (a time machine would be so totally rad!).
Still not the best Luke Perry story I have, though. Psst, check out the earlier Luke Perry run-in. Beware, swearing was involved. And possibly nudity?
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
One More Reason Why China Is Awesome
I can name any number of reasons why China is awesome. Nearly 90% of the crap I own is made there. Xiaolongbao (Shanghai dumplings) comes from there. In fact, all Chinese food originated from there. Go figure. But here's one more reason, one more, why China is awesome:
My friend Mrs. Winterbottom got this for me when he visited China. (Or was it Hong Kong? He also got me a menu from a Hong Kong Mos Burger. I guess it was Hong Kong then. Or China and Hong Kong. I guess it's all China now.) This is great in so many ways. First it's Transformers, excuse me, Transmutation Formers Super Fireblast to be accurate. I keep mistaking it for Transformers since the catch phrase is very similar to Transformers' "More than meets the eye"—"More new items available." I love off-brand, repackaged Chinese toys, like this Beyond Experience Super Hero Animation pack I saw at Giant Giant Dollar.
But back to Transmutation Formers Super Fireblast (try saying that five times fast). On the front is a picture of Autobot leader Optimus Prime from Michael Bay's opus "Transformers." But looking closely at the background reveals...
A Naboo fighter! From "Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace." So Transmutation Formers Super Fireblast exists in a universe that not only has Michael Bay's Optimus Prime, but also George Lucas' Naboo fighter. But wait, there's more!
The toy is marked as a "First Grade Product," with an additional note at the bottom that says "Future War, the best welcome gifts for the children."
Now what could this mean? Is this toy from a future Bay-Lucas crossover universe of war where these toys are handed out to visiting children? Or does it mean that future wars are the best welcome gift to give visiting children? If anyone has seen the movie "Future War" with all that flannel and cardboard boxes, then you would know that that can't be true.
Now move onto the very corner of the blist pack backing.
It might be hard to read but it shows things not to do, with cryptic Engrish and even more cryptic pictures. "No in mouth." "No to wind." "No aim peoples." Interpreting these is difficult enough, but interpreting them in the context of this toy is even harder. How do I aim this Transmutation Formers Super Fireblast at peoples? I supposed if I pretended it was some sort of future war gun, then I could conceivably aim at someone, but I hardly think that would be dangerous. And what is "No to wind?" Does it mean "wind like a cord?" How would I wind this around someone's neck, let alone their finger?
Off-brand, repackaged Chinese toys are like the greatest Chinese puzzle box you could ever have. It's like playing that game where you point out all the things that are wrong with the picture. I haven't even gotten to the toy, which would appear to be a reproduction of a Gen 1 Bumblebee and a Bayformer shitty Bumblebee in only two colors. That's super cheap. But I've already gotten my money's worth out of it, and will continue to get my money's worth pondering why it is, how it was, who's it when, and how'd it do. This has to be one of the best gifts I've ever gotten from China, so thanks Mrs. Winterbottom.
My friend Mrs. Winterbottom got this for me when he visited China. (Or was it Hong Kong? He also got me a menu from a Hong Kong Mos Burger. I guess it was Hong Kong then. Or China and Hong Kong. I guess it's all China now.) This is great in so many ways. First it's Transformers, excuse me, Transmutation Formers Super Fireblast to be accurate. I keep mistaking it for Transformers since the catch phrase is very similar to Transformers' "More than meets the eye"—"More new items available." I love off-brand, repackaged Chinese toys, like this Beyond Experience Super Hero Animation pack I saw at Giant Giant Dollar.
But back to Transmutation Formers Super Fireblast (try saying that five times fast). On the front is a picture of Autobot leader Optimus Prime from Michael Bay's opus "Transformers." But looking closely at the background reveals...
A Naboo fighter! From "Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace." So Transmutation Formers Super Fireblast exists in a universe that not only has Michael Bay's Optimus Prime, but also George Lucas' Naboo fighter. But wait, there's more!
The toy is marked as a "First Grade Product," with an additional note at the bottom that says "Future War, the best welcome gifts for the children."
Now what could this mean? Is this toy from a future Bay-Lucas crossover universe of war where these toys are handed out to visiting children? Or does it mean that future wars are the best welcome gift to give visiting children? If anyone has seen the movie "Future War" with all that flannel and cardboard boxes, then you would know that that can't be true.
Now move onto the very corner of the blist pack backing.
It might be hard to read but it shows things not to do, with cryptic Engrish and even more cryptic pictures. "No in mouth." "No to wind." "No aim peoples." Interpreting these is difficult enough, but interpreting them in the context of this toy is even harder. How do I aim this Transmutation Formers Super Fireblast at peoples? I supposed if I pretended it was some sort of future war gun, then I could conceivably aim at someone, but I hardly think that would be dangerous. And what is "No to wind?" Does it mean "wind like a cord?" How would I wind this around someone's neck, let alone their finger?
Off-brand, repackaged Chinese toys are like the greatest Chinese puzzle box you could ever have. It's like playing that game where you point out all the things that are wrong with the picture. I haven't even gotten to the toy, which would appear to be a reproduction of a Gen 1 Bumblebee and a Bayformer shitty Bumblebee in only two colors. That's super cheap. But I've already gotten my money's worth out of it, and will continue to get my money's worth pondering why it is, how it was, who's it when, and how'd it do. This has to be one of the best gifts I've ever gotten from China, so thanks Mrs. Winterbottom.
Sustainability in Zombieful World
When the zombiepocalypse comes, most people will likely hole up in their homes in favor of self-preservation. In some areas it is likely that people will be able to survive on their own without assistance from the government for weeks, possibly years. But while these people remain locked behind doors and barricades, who will be handling recyclables and waste management? While eradication of the zombie scourge is a top priority, civil undertakings should not be neglected. Most assuredly people will be making do and reusing what they can under the circumstances, but there will be refuse and other wasted materials no doubt filling the streets. Without regular trash collections and ongoing recycling, garbage will pile up higher than a zombie staircase trying to reach the last fat cat stuck on the second balcony at the Met. By continuing waste disposal service in the midst of adversity, humankind supports sustainability on a number of fronts and proves itself as a species worth saving.
Broadly speaking, sustainability is the ability to endure, so it is doubly appropriate with respect to zombies. As zombies are for the most part unique to humans (depending on the source material), they pose a singular threat to peoplekind. Zombies threaten all aspects of human life, from politics to society, economics, etc. Hence it is appropriate that people would take a stand against zombies to preserve the status quo.
But sustainability also relates to ecology and the environment. Creating a sustainable environment also promotes the status quo insofar as slowing down the ravaging effects of industrialization and civilization in general. Sustainable environments can also ensure a healthier future with reduced greenhouse gases and increased flora and fauna populations over time which adds much to diversity in nature. Should the environment be tainted by an overzealous human race ignorant of what is happening, zombies won't be the only thing threatening their existence.
By continuing to be the custodians of the Earth, humans will prove to be worthy caretakers who deserved to have inherited it from the dinosaurs. Furthermore keeping the streets clean would likely reduce the transmission of fatal infections and diseases that would only serve to increase the zombie state. People really have to do their part in maintaining a sustainable environment if they hope to survive. By focusing solely on the zombie dilemma while neglecting other areas of life, humans will paint themselves into a corner where it will be all to easy for the zombies to trap them and consume their delectable brains.
Broadly speaking, sustainability is the ability to endure, so it is doubly appropriate with respect to zombies. As zombies are for the most part unique to humans (depending on the source material), they pose a singular threat to peoplekind. Zombies threaten all aspects of human life, from politics to society, economics, etc. Hence it is appropriate that people would take a stand against zombies to preserve the status quo.
But sustainability also relates to ecology and the environment. Creating a sustainable environment also promotes the status quo insofar as slowing down the ravaging effects of industrialization and civilization in general. Sustainable environments can also ensure a healthier future with reduced greenhouse gases and increased flora and fauna populations over time which adds much to diversity in nature. Should the environment be tainted by an overzealous human race ignorant of what is happening, zombies won't be the only thing threatening their existence.
By continuing to be the custodians of the Earth, humans will prove to be worthy caretakers who deserved to have inherited it from the dinosaurs. Furthermore keeping the streets clean would likely reduce the transmission of fatal infections and diseases that would only serve to increase the zombie state. People really have to do their part in maintaining a sustainable environment if they hope to survive. By focusing solely on the zombie dilemma while neglecting other areas of life, humans will paint themselves into a corner where it will be all to easy for the zombies to trap them and consume their delectable brains.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Celebrity Sightings - Tony Todd
Tony Todd is one of those actors who has a memorable voice and face, but most people don't know his name. He's been in such films as "Night of the Living Dead" (the Tom Savini version), "The Rock" ("You know how this shit works?"), "Final Destination," and "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen." But he is perhaps best remembered as the titular character of the "Candyman" series in which he plays the Candyman, the vengeful spirit of an urban legend similar to Bloody Mary. Chant Candyman's name four times (or was it five?) and he'll appear with his hook-hand and bees at his command.
I saw Tony Todd at a Rubio's in West L.A. He was pretty tall, and unmistakable as who could ever forget the Candyman? He was there with a friend, and although he stood out, people weren't swarming him. I don't understand why. Who wouldn't want the Candyman's autograph?
I saw Tony Todd at a Rubio's in West L.A. He was pretty tall, and unmistakable as who could ever forget the Candyman? He was there with a friend, and although he stood out, people weren't swarming him. I don't understand why. Who wouldn't want the Candyman's autograph?
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
The Pitch - Hobo Reality Shows
I derive a great deal of inspiration whenever I'm around my friends. This week's brilliant idea revolved around hobos, hobodom, and reality TV shows.
"Survivor" is a hugely popular reality TV show in which a group of contestants are stranded in an isolated location and have to "survive." Hobos have been surviving for years, isolated in the midst of a society that largely turns a blind eye toward them. Why not provide them the opportunity to prove their survival skills while at the same time offering them a chance at a more inclusive role in society?
There are very few television programs that focus on hobos, and even fewer reality shows (by my count, zero). There are hobos all over, yet they make up a very small percentage of the characters on TV. I don't recall ever seeing a hobo on "Friends," although I might be mistaken. (After all, they did get around to showing black people when Ross had that one girlfriend who wasn't Rachel, his student, the bald girl, or the Asian girl.) So why not better represent hobos and their culture with their own reality television show?
With the ranks of the homeless bolstered by each foreclosure and loan default, there is an ever-growing contestant pool for hobo reality shows. How about "The Hobo Real World?" This is the true story of seven hobos, picked to live in an alley, and have their lives taped to find out what happens when hobos stop being polite and start being real. It is easy to imagine the accusations of who is hooking up with whom in whose sleeping box and who is taking dumps in the communal space, and still this show does not exist. Yet. Besides, the production budget would be phenomenally low and it is extremely difficult to have walkouts. Where could they go? To another alley? Most conceivably. To a house? Not very much likely.
Their limited means can often force hobos to be creative with whatever they have at hand, be it cardboard boxes and styrofoam trays or yesterdays leftovers. And hobos just have a flair for fashion with their distressed, post-apocalyptic,'90s grunge-look. It is surprising that fashionistas have not tapped more into hobo culture in developing the next big look. A little "Project Alleyway" or "America's Next Top Hobo" would do much to propel hobo couture into the limelight.
Hobos are simply fascinating with often engaging personal stories and cautionary histories. They are ripe for entertainment and deserve people's attention, so why not put them on the television? Give them a chance to regain their dignity and earn the respect of society by making them the stars their own shows, like "Jersey Hobos" and "The Real Hobo Housewives of Orange County." On second thought, perhaps they are better off where they are.
Other hobo reality TV shows conceived but not used in this article:
America's Hobos Got Talent
Dancing With the Hobos
Hobo Elimidate
Hobo Idol
Homeless Eye for the Homebound Guy
Rail Rules
Top Hobo Chef
"Survivor" is a hugely popular reality TV show in which a group of contestants are stranded in an isolated location and have to "survive." Hobos have been surviving for years, isolated in the midst of a society that largely turns a blind eye toward them. Why not provide them the opportunity to prove their survival skills while at the same time offering them a chance at a more inclusive role in society?
There are very few television programs that focus on hobos, and even fewer reality shows (by my count, zero). There are hobos all over, yet they make up a very small percentage of the characters on TV. I don't recall ever seeing a hobo on "Friends," although I might be mistaken. (After all, they did get around to showing black people when Ross had that one girlfriend who wasn't Rachel, his student, the bald girl, or the Asian girl.) So why not better represent hobos and their culture with their own reality television show?
With the ranks of the homeless bolstered by each foreclosure and loan default, there is an ever-growing contestant pool for hobo reality shows. How about "The Hobo Real World?" This is the true story of seven hobos, picked to live in an alley, and have their lives taped to find out what happens when hobos stop being polite and start being real. It is easy to imagine the accusations of who is hooking up with whom in whose sleeping box and who is taking dumps in the communal space, and still this show does not exist. Yet. Besides, the production budget would be phenomenally low and it is extremely difficult to have walkouts. Where could they go? To another alley? Most conceivably. To a house? Not very much likely.
Their limited means can often force hobos to be creative with whatever they have at hand, be it cardboard boxes and styrofoam trays or yesterdays leftovers. And hobos just have a flair for fashion with their distressed, post-apocalyptic,'90s grunge-look. It is surprising that fashionistas have not tapped more into hobo culture in developing the next big look. A little "Project Alleyway" or "America's Next Top Hobo" would do much to propel hobo couture into the limelight.
Hobos are simply fascinating with often engaging personal stories and cautionary histories. They are ripe for entertainment and deserve people's attention, so why not put them on the television? Give them a chance to regain their dignity and earn the respect of society by making them the stars their own shows, like "Jersey Hobos" and "The Real Hobo Housewives of Orange County." On second thought, perhaps they are better off where they are.
Other hobo reality TV shows conceived but not used in this article:
America's Hobos Got Talent
Dancing With the Hobos
Hobo Elimidate
Hobo Idol
Homeless Eye for the Homebound Guy
Rail Rules
Top Hobo Chef
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Date With a Zombie
There are two types of people in this world—those who have a zombie preparedness plan and zombie food. I fall into the former category. I think I spend more time considering zombie plans for wherever I go than I do planning for actual emergencies. I'll tell you right now I'm not going anywhere during the great zombiepocalypse. I plan on staying right at home, plinking nearby zombies with any firearms I can obtain.
One of the things I love about zombies is that they're people, but they're also blight. Killing them is an issue of survival. For every zombie you let survive, they greater the likelihood of more people being converted. Furthermore they're being dead absolves one from murder as you can't kill what is legally dead. As such I have no qualms about massacring zombies left and right, be they family, lovers, or friends. It's like a coming out party for the little sociopath inside of me.
But what if it were possible to reverse the condition? Readers already know I don't believe that is possible as I only believe in classic zombies, but we'll go ahead and ponder this hypothetical question. Would it make a difference? No. Not to me at least. As I stated before, it's a matter of survival. If there were some blanket cure that the government could rain from the skies, then fine. But while FEMA and the military are busy dragging they're asses, I'll be doing my best to reduce the zombie population to nil.
So I already have plans for the zombiepocalypse. I'm almost certain they're a little different from your plans, oh reader. Mine might not be the best plan, but between us, who do you think is going to be having more fun?
One of the things I love about zombies is that they're people, but they're also blight. Killing them is an issue of survival. For every zombie you let survive, they greater the likelihood of more people being converted. Furthermore they're being dead absolves one from murder as you can't kill what is legally dead. As such I have no qualms about massacring zombies left and right, be they family, lovers, or friends. It's like a coming out party for the little sociopath inside of me.
But what if it were possible to reverse the condition? Readers already know I don't believe that is possible as I only believe in classic zombies, but we'll go ahead and ponder this hypothetical question. Would it make a difference? No. Not to me at least. As I stated before, it's a matter of survival. If there were some blanket cure that the government could rain from the skies, then fine. But while FEMA and the military are busy dragging they're asses, I'll be doing my best to reduce the zombie population to nil.
So I already have plans for the zombiepocalypse. I'm almost certain they're a little different from your plans, oh reader. Mine might not be the best plan, but between us, who do you think is going to be having more fun?
Mentaiko Spaghetti
I had a craving for Japanese snacks the other day, and spent a little too much money at the Japanese market. But I also got some mentaiko (spicy cod roe) and shiso so I could make one of my favorite meals: mentaiko spaghetti. I'm the only one in the house who likes mentaiko, and since it usually comes as two pieces I can get two meals out of it.
The recipe I use is very simple: mix one tablespoon of soft butter with a small spoonful of kombu-cha and the insides of one piece of mentaiko. Mix with freshly made pasta, and the mentaiko will semi-cook from the residual heat. Then all you have to do is top it with sliced shiso and nori. It only takes about 10 minutes to make. By comparison it took five minutes to take the picture.
The recipe I use is very simple: mix one tablespoon of soft butter with a small spoonful of kombu-cha and the insides of one piece of mentaiko. Mix with freshly made pasta, and the mentaiko will semi-cook from the residual heat. Then all you have to do is top it with sliced shiso and nori. It only takes about 10 minutes to make. By comparison it took five minutes to take the picture.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Faux Versailles
Costco has a very good carnitas product that just needs to be microwaved. It has all sorts of applications: it can also be used for BBQ pulled pork sandwiches, among other things. I've been wanting to make lechon asado (Cuban-style roast pork) for some time, but it's difficult to find a piece of pork picnic shoulder that large and it takes several hours to prepare, so I decided to shortcut it by using the microwaveable carnitas.
I still had plantains from when I made the jerk chicken, so I assembled a meal like the one they serve at Versailles. I made a roughshod garlic mojo criollo sauce and also prepared some converted rice and black beans. The rice turned out a little too hard, but the plantains weren't bad (they did take two weeks to ripen), and the lechon with the mojo criollo sauce actually came out tasting similar to Versailles' dish.
I still had plantains from when I made the jerk chicken, so I assembled a meal like the one they serve at Versailles. I made a roughshod garlic mojo criollo sauce and also prepared some converted rice and black beans. The rice turned out a little too hard, but the plantains weren't bad (they did take two weeks to ripen), and the lechon with the mojo criollo sauce actually came out tasting similar to Versailles' dish.
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