Tuesday, October 26, 2010

One More Reason Why China Is Awesome

I can name any number of reasons why China is awesome. Nearly 90% of the crap I own is made there. Xiaolongbao (Shanghai dumplings) comes from there. In fact, all Chinese food originated from there. Go figure. But here's one more reason, one more, why China is awesome:
My friend Mrs. Winterbottom got this for me when he visited China. (Or was it Hong Kong? He also got me a menu from a Hong Kong Mos Burger. I guess it was Hong Kong then. Or China and Hong Kong. I guess it's all China now.) This is great in so many ways. First it's Transformers, excuse me, Transmutation Formers Super Fireblast to be accurate. I keep mistaking it for Transformers since the catch phrase is very similar to Transformers' "More than meets the eye"—"More new items available." I love off-brand, repackaged Chinese toys, like this Beyond Experience Super Hero Animation pack I saw at Giant Giant Dollar.
But back to Transmutation Formers Super Fireblast (try saying that five times fast). On the front is a picture of Autobot leader Optimus Prime from Michael Bay's opus "Transformers." But looking closely at the background reveals...
A Naboo fighter! From "Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace." So Transmutation Formers Super Fireblast exists in a universe that not only has Michael Bay's Optimus Prime, but also George Lucas' Naboo fighter. But wait, there's more!

The toy is marked as a "First Grade Product," with an additional note at the bottom that says "Future War, the best welcome gifts for the children."
Now what could this mean? Is this toy from a future Bay-Lucas crossover universe of war where these toys are handed out to visiting children? Or does it mean that future wars are the best welcome gift to give visiting children? If anyone has seen the movie "Future War" with all that flannel and cardboard boxes, then you would know that that can't be true.

Now move onto the very corner of the blist pack backing.
It might be hard to read but it shows things not to do, with cryptic Engrish and even more cryptic pictures. "No in mouth." "No to wind." "No aim peoples." Interpreting these is difficult enough, but interpreting them in the context of this toy is even harder. How do I aim this Transmutation Formers Super Fireblast at peoples? I supposed if I pretended it was some sort of future war gun, then I could conceivably aim at someone, but I hardly think that would be dangerous. And what is "No to wind?" Does it mean "wind like a cord?" How would I wind this around someone's neck, let alone their finger?

Off-brand, repackaged Chinese toys are like the greatest Chinese puzzle box you could ever have. It's like playing that game where you point out all the things that are wrong with the picture. I haven't even gotten to the toy, which would appear to be a reproduction of a Gen 1 Bumblebee and a Bayformer shitty Bumblebee in only two colors. That's super cheap. But I've already gotten my money's worth out of it, and will continue to get my money's worth pondering why it is, how it was, who's it when, and how'd it do. This has to be one of the best gifts I've ever gotten from China, so thanks Mrs. Winterbottom.

1 comment:

  1. Wow, there's so much nerdy in this article, even I'm appalled.