Faux Versailles

Costco has a very good carnitas product that just needs to be microwaved. It has all sorts of applications: it can also be used for BBQ pulled pork sandwiches, among other things. I've been wanting to make lechon asado (Cuban-style roast pork) for some time, but it's difficult to find a piece of pork picnic shoulder that large and it takes several hours to prepare, so I decided to shortcut it by using the microwaveable carnitas.

I still had plantains from when I made the jerk chicken, so I assembled a meal like the one they serve at Versailles. I made a roughshod garlic mojo criollo sauce and also prepared some converted rice and black beans. The rice turned out a little too hard, but the plantains weren't bad (they did take two weeks to ripen), and the lechon with the mojo criollo sauce actually came out tasting similar to Versailles' dish.

Jerk Chicken

Long time, no blog. As of late I've been afflicted with a lethal combination of the three nesses—business, tiredness, and laziness.

However today I cooked something different—jerk chicken. I first had jerk chicken when my next door neighbor shared some with me many years ago, and I've been chasing that recipe ever since. I currently use a modified version of a recipe I pulled off of the Food Network. It's okay, but not quite like the jerk chicken I had years ago.

My version is a little more layered, but lacking in the citrus-permeating flavor that I really want. It's good, oftentimes better than the jerk chicken I've had at restaurants.

It's fairly spicy, too. It's so hot, I need to use gloves when preparing the marinade. If I don't, I'm not able to put my contacts in for three days. I know, I know, why don't I scrub more? I'd pretty much have to take off the top four layers of skin to get the capsaicin out. I use habaneros which are potent enough to cause blistering if proper care isn't taken, and it really gets down deep. In the end, while the peppers are hot, the chicken is significantly less so since I remove the seeds and ribs from the pepper.

My sister made tiramisu for dessert. She even made the ladyfingers from scratch, as she was disappointed in the store-bought ones. It could be just the whipped mascarpone mix talking, but it was really good, better than any tiramisu I've had lately.

Shitty Movie Review - "Killdozer!"

Disclaimer: For some of my friends (you know who you are), refrain from reading this review until you've seen the film as there are some spoilers that, while they most likely won't lessen your love for the movie, might be better left unknown for the time being.
End disclaimer.

You know a movie will be good when people talk about it like a myth, but it is impossible to find a copy. Now I'd heard of "Killdozer!" through friends who in turn heard about it on the "Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien." It is impossible to buy a legitimate copy of "Killdozer!" but I was able to find a bootleg broadcast recording of it as an .avi file.

The film is based on a 1944 novella by Theodore Sturgeon. It took another 30 years before technology would reach the point that they could bring the novella to life.

The film does not strive to be anything more than what it is. Essentially everything you need to know is in the title: "Killdozer!" The author was able to sum up his story in a concise, straightforward, original one-word exclamation. It's a bulldozer that kills.

It is difficult to stress how amazing this movie is. Typically when I watch a movie, I try to tear it apart to see what I could do to push it back and forth over the line of common-sense film-making, to see how it could have been better, or at least smarter, then just the opposite to see how I could make it stupider. Usually I push harder for the stupider. "Killdozer!" managed to out-think me and go the extra step I would have done to defy all logic while still staying within the strict confines of the rules it sets for itself. In other words, you won't see Killdozer fly, but you will see it hiding and peeping out of the bushes, taunting people, and generally being a dick.

It is similar in plot to "Duel" which preceded it, and "Jaws" and "Christine" that followed it. Instead of a killer truck or shark, imagine a heavy bulldozer—a very slow bulldozer—that is slowly killing off the engineers and workers at an isolated Liberian construction site. I know what you're thinking—why can't they leave? Well, because they have job to do, dammit, and because they're lazy and can't run away from the unstoppable force that is Killdozer. In movies of this caliber, there is no shortage of idiocy amongst the principal characters. A character will make claims of a rogue bulldozer, yet no one will believe him and at the same time the bulldozer is clearly missing and no one else could have taken it. And no one goes looking for it. La-zee.

At one point two of the remaining characters stand at the top of a steep incline. One of them asks whether he thinks the incline is too steep for Killdozer to climb. The other character responds that, "given enough time, it can make roads anywhere."

One character, the foreman, refuses to walk further than ten feet, opting every time to hop into his jeep and drive the ten to fifteen feet to where he needs to go. It isn't until the end that he is forced to walk more than ten feet under his own strength.

Another character is so blatantly a closet homosexual it's remarkable that he even remained as is in the script. He constantly reminisces about the times he spent with his best friend, a "beautiful kid," who dies early on in the movie. He mentions getting into barroom brawls with him at his side and skinny dipping with him in Iraq. Then he invites others to join him for a midnight swim. He's always trying to pair off with one of the other guys. When it's suggested they form a threesome, he always refuses. One is enough for him.

This film has taught me many things. Why walk ten feet when you can drive? Bulldozers often go rogue. It's more important to bury your comrades than to try to stop a bulldozer from killing you. That an avalanche of small pebbles is life threatening. That rusty corrugated steel pipes make for a bad escape. That one and a half days is an impossible eternity. That Killdozer hates smoke.

I apologize for the lack of a picture, but this movie is so rad that even decent pictures are scarce.

My shitty movie rating: A perfect 10. This has to be one of the funniest movies I have ever seen. I laughed so hard I cried. It's like "Night of a 1000 Cats" or "The Wicker Man" good.

Celebrity Sightings - David Cross

Living in L.A., you bump into so many celebrities that sometimes you forget. Case in point, the time I saw David Cross at Souplantation. Now I'm not a particularly big fan of Souplantation (honestly I hate it). Their all-you-can-eat lunch feels like a rip off since meat is as scarce as a hippo at a hipster hip-hop fest. But for some reason I was there, by myself, when I saw David Cross, also looking somewhat dissatisfied, as he jotted notes down in a booklet. He was probably writing jokes about how Souplantation doesn't really offer as many soups as you would expect ("Souplantation, more like craplantation") and how they somehow managed to demeatify as much of their food as possible. Donny think crappy.

Killing Time in the Children's Section

A really good way to kill time is to go to the children's section of any bookstore and start reading books. You can accomplish a variety of things this way.

Firstly, you can learn new words and increase your vocabulary. Because children's books are aimed at children, the meanings of words can be easily discerned based on the context and images in the book.

Secondly, most children's books are short and yet many are story-driven with relatively simple plots. This makes children's books easy to understand while at the same time offering a very fast form of entertainment. In the amount of time it would take to read an adult novel, you could probably read over a dozen children's books. Imagine, that's twelve times the number of stories that are usually contained in a novel!

Thirdly, for parents, reading children's books in the children's section allows you to pre-screen books for your children. By reading the book first you gain an understanding of the material and can also select titles that are worthwhile.

Lastly, it's easy to miss simple life lessons as you grow up. A good way to learn about important themes like friendship, teamwork, or honesty is by reading children's books. Almost all children's books focus on some theme or moral making them invaluable as teaching tools.

So next time you have a few minutes to spare, head on over to the children's section of the bookstore where entertainment and learning abound.

Grilled Portabello Caprese Panini

After having eaten Skooby's and Carney's within the last week, I had to go a little lighter with dinner, so I opted with a panini. This particular panini was inspired by Caprese salads and Caprese sandwiches as well as a portabello panini I had at the L.A. Convention Center several years ago. The mushroom was a good alternative to protein, and the Caprese was refreshing. I only wished I had gotten a better mozzarella, since the one I got was a little dry for my liking.

Skooby's

I find it strange that Hollywood is like my backyard, and that I didn't start hanging out there until I found out about Skooby's.

When most people think about hot dogs in L.A., they think about Pink's. It's a Los Angeles institution, but frankly I find it overrated. And overcrowded. I don't think the hot dogs there are so great that I would be willing to stand on line for a half hour, especially considering that you only have to wait a few minutes for a Costco Polish and it only costs $1.50 and you get a drink. That being said, it's not like Skooby's hot dogs are altogether amazing either, but then it's only a few blocks away from Pink's, you barely have to wait to order and get one served up, and they hafe infinitely better fries. The difference really is their fries and their Arnold Palmers.

I discovered Skooby's because I was hunting for the best fries in L.A., particularly Belgian-style French fries. Researching the Chowhound message boards led me to Skooby's. Skooby's doesn't really serve Belgian-style fries, but they are good, and if they're not the best in L.A., then I don't know who is.

Skooby's uses real, fresh Idaho and Washington potatoes that are generously cut into traditional fry strips and less traditional chip slices. They are double fried (the best way to fry) in peanut oil, then tossed with seasoned salt and served up with an aioli dipping sauce. If the fries only consisted of the fries proper, that would be good enough to distinguish themselves from most other restaurants that serve fries. Add in the chip slices and the aioli though, and you have something otherworldly. Add chili, cheddar, or bacon and you have heaven. The fries would be one of the sides in my dream meal (which would also have Pioneer Chicken).

The hotdogs, on the other hand, are alright. The hot dogs and buns are made specially for them, and are different from the other hot dog joints around town. The hot dogs are somewhat small, especially when compared to the hot dogs at Pink's, or even Carney's. But they have less of a mass-produced feel to them, if that makes sense. The buns are atypical of hot dog buns and are more similar to rolls. They also have a slightly chewy quality to them which may or may not be desirable to some. Of note is their chili dog which they serve with their homemade chili made with Guinness. It is a very mellow chili that has a bit more personality than say Pink's or Tommy's.

They also serve one of the best Arnold Palmers in town, made with fresh lemonade. I find that both their ice tea and their lemonade go well together, neither one standing out more than the other. It's not too tart, not too sweet, and not too bitter.

My typical meal at Skooby's is usually a double bacon cheddar fries, a side of hot dog, and an Arnold Palmer. It's a generous meal, with an excellent proportion of fries to hot dog. I would suggest however ordering additional aioli, since you'll find yourself wanting more.

Some other notes about Skooby's:
- 5 out of 7 on my mess-o-meter, meaning you will need napkins.
- Skooby's is literally a hole in the wall in Hollywood, so don't expect any fancy indoor seating. Or any seating for that matter. Eating space is very limited outside. The Manhattan Beach location is probably roomier (they also serve burgers there), but it isn't the same as hanging out on Hollywood Blvd.
- What you lose in space, they make up for with an awesome soundtrack. They're constantly blasting great punk music, sometimes even foreign punk music.
- If you have the option of choosing between a bacon cheddar hot dog and a double Skooby's fries, or a regular hot dog and a double bacon cheddar cheddar fries, go for the latter. The price breakdown is such that you get more value adding the cheddar and the bacon to the fries rather than the dog. Or better yet, get both bacon-cheddarized.

Skooby's
6654 Hollywood Blvd.
Hollywood, CA 90028
(323) HOT-DOGS

Cool Dudes of History - George Tirebiter

Today's cool dude ... is actually a dog. Although I graduated a Bruin, I'll have to admit that my all-time favorite Trojan is USC's George Tirebiter. Like so many legends, the legend of George Tirebiter is shrouded partly in myth. Some claim the original Tirebiter was a stray that hung around Curry's Ice Cream Parlor, or that he was actually adopted by locals following the death of his owner. Whatever the case, his fondness for chasing after bicycles and cars and biting their rubber tires is where he got his name. The "George" is attributed to a Navy V-12 student named George Kuhns to whom he bore a resemblance.

George Tirebiter grew to be a popular school mascot during the 40s and 50s, riding in cars and running onto the field of USC football games, often wearing a USC sweater made especially for him. One story even has him biting the nose of Cal mascot Oski the Bear to the great applause of Trojans everywhere.

At one point he disappeared for a week, the victim of an apparent kidnapping. The culprits turned out to be the crosstown rival Bruins. When he was returned stories differ as to what had been done to him—in one he was covered in honey and feathers, and in another "UCLA" was shaved into his fur.

Following his days at USC he retired to a farm in El Centro, where he passed away doing what he loved—chasing cars. A funeral was held on the USC campus, where the Daily Trojan sadly proclaimed that "Tires are safe now."

He was succeeded by three other George Tirebiters, but the original will always be remembered best. In 2006 a statue of George Tirebiter, one of the great dog statues of the world, was unveiled on the USC campus, depicting him in his trademark sweater with a piece of torn tire hanging from his mouth.

Bite on.

Celebrity Sightings - Heather Graham

I know what you're wondering ... And yes, she has very nice, uh ... skin, yeah, very fine, almost translucent, and free of blemishes. I could make out the veins beneath the surface her skin she was so delicate.

She came into Mail Boxes, Etc. one day and I had the good fortune of helping her. She was a very pretty, yet fairly normal girl. With huge, uh ... eyes, yeah, eyes. She was actually very pleasant and sweet and not at all like some Hollywood starlets. She was probably one of the top ten nicest customers I ever assisted. She wasn't even wearing makeup, and she was still quite attractive.

Her boobs were nice, too.

Books for Sale

I had to go to Little Tokyo today to do some grocery shopping, so I stopped by the bookstore to see if they had anything of interest. Well, they did, but not for the reasons you might think. On the sales rack were a bunch of the books I worked on (nearly the whole row in the middle). It's strange to think that that company I worked for has been gone for about a year and a half now, and yet there are still books out there that stand as a testament that we did exist at one time.

It's a little sad to see them being sold so cheaply, but I feel like we worked very hard on them and that we did a good job, so I can be proud.

I see that there's still a copy of "Yoki Koto Kiku," so you should grab it if you have the chance. Or ask me for one ... I kind of have a case of those in my closet. Shh, it's our little secret ;)