Cage Watch

Cage Movie #51: Drive Angry

Celebrity Sightings - Snooki

It depresses me very much to say this, but yesterday I saw Snooki from MTV's "Jersey Shore." She was signing autographs in the booth across from ours. No pictures because I wouldn't do you like that. This is a major downgrade from Sasha Vujacic ("the Douche") whom I saw at the last show and whom I also hate.

Snooki is very small, so much so that her standee, which is not that big, is still taller than her. She also has no waist—it's like legs, hips, chest, head. She really does look like an Oompa-Loompa, minus the green hair.

However from talking to the owners of the company for whom she's a spokesperson, she's very quiet and nice. They had dinner at her suite at the Palms, and went with her to the Playboy Club. She was always surrounded by security.

While I think that "Jersey Shore" is some of the worst of what America has to offer the world, it's all a part of what makes America great. If a small, orange girl can get famous for making a fool out of herself, then anyone should be able to make it with a little bit of luck and determination, and I definitely can't sweat her for milking her 15 minutes. You have to get while the gettin's good.

Tripe and Risotto Sticks

I've had an intense yen for tripe ever since I visited my friends and was only able to get un taco de tripas (I was planning to get four). So while I was at the market last week buying ingredients for dinner for Sunday, I picked up some tripe. It takes several hours to boil until the tripe is tender, so I didn't end up eating until 10pm (after pre-dinner Italian sausage sandwiches). I wasn't satisfied, so today I picked up about five pounds of tripe.

Again, it took several hours to boil, so I did't eat until 11pm, but I had a tripe feast. I found the recipe I made today on youtube, posted by user ryanakarcher.



It was very easy to make and delicious. The dish comes out a little salty, a little tangy, and refereshing. On the side I made risotto sticks which I was testing out for a dinner party tomorrow night. They turned out pretty good, very crunchy, so I plan to bring them tomorrow.

I still haven't satisfied my tripe craving, so there might be additional tripe meals in coming weeks.

Celebrity Sightings - Denzel Washington

When I was attending UCLA, I used to count the dozens of Ferraris, Masseratis, Lotuses (or is that Loti?), and Lamborghinis that used to pass by while I waited for the bus, and I thought to myself that the majority of people in the US let alone the world probably won’t see any of these exotic cars up close in their entire lives. I understand that in many ways I live a privileged life, even though I might take it for granted. So I pass along my celebrity sightings which may in many ways make me seem jaded or indifferent, but I feel as though helps to put perspective the cult of celebrity since celebrities are people, too, and have their own lives to live. They just do so under a slight bit more public scrutiny.

This past Tuesday night, I had a dinner meeting at the Polo Lounge in the posh Beverly Hills Hotel, so I was on the lookout for celebrities. When we walked into the restaurant, I spotted perhaps the biggest star I’ve ever seen doing one of the most normal things you could imagine. Denzel Washington was sitting in a booth having what I assume was a pleasant dinner and conversation. Not particularly exciting at all, and yet many people would be excited to have had the experience.

Now compare that to the “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,” whom one of my dinner mates commented were sitting behind us outside on the patio. Nowadays anybody can become a celebrity by virtue of having the camera placed on you for any number of minutes regardless of whether any talent is involved. They were celebrating a birthday and were engaged in very boisterous discourse with a good deal of candor and swearing. Between the Denzel and the Real Housewives, the Real Housewives present a more entertaining experience, whereas Denzel was perhaps a bigger story. Either way, I got to enjoy a very delicious meal (unfortunately no pics because it was a business dinner) and went home a little fatter that night.

Pork Paillard With Mushroom Gravy

I wanted to make something like veal scallopini, but not with veal since it's expensive. So instead I got some boneless, thinly-sliced pork loin at the market which I paillarded to make even flatter. Since I didn't want the sourness of a piccata, I made a gravy instead, with some mushrooms added. It's really easy to make a brown sauce, since all you have to do is make a rue and deglaze the pan you cooked the meat in with chicken broth, then reduce.

For the sides I made Italian-style sauteed carrots and egg noodles. Coordinating the meal took some effort, but I think it turned out well.

Tom Yum Goong

Tom yum goong is my favorite soup, followed by, and in no particular order: French onion, Chinese hot and sour, lobster bisque, and menudo. It’s hot, it’s salty, it’s sweet, it’s sour—it truly is a mélange of flavors. And it’s also surprisingly simple to make, as long as you can obtain the ingredients.

Tom yum goong requires a very short albeit unique shopping list:
shrimp
limes
straw mushrooms
cilantro
fish sauce
galangal
kaffir lime leaves
lemon grass
nam prik pao (roasted chili paste)
Serrano chilis (optional)

You’ll probably have to go to a Thai market to get the galangal, kaffir lime leaves, and nam prik pao, but you should be able to find everything else at a Chinese market, or even a well-stocked super market. Ginger can be substituted for the galangal, but it’s not quite the same. Omission of any one of the ingredients can change the flavor of the soup tremendously, although not detrimentally.

Start with a pot of 4-5 cups of water over high heat. Add several slices of the galangal, and several kaffir lime leaves, as well as a couple of stalks of lemon grass lightly crushed and cut up into 1-2 inch pieces. Add about 4 tablespoons of fish sauce and 2 tablespoons of the nam prik pao. Bring to a boil. Add the straw mushrooms and the juice of 4-6 limes to the pot and bring back to a boil. Add the shrimp and cook just until they are opaque. Finish by adding some coarsely chopped cilantro. To increase the heat, sliced Serrano chilis can be added. You should end up with about 2-3 servings.

From start to finish, the soup can be ready in about twenty minutes. If you don’t like shrimp, just leave them out and you’ll have tom yum kai. Or you can add coconut milk and have tom yum nam khon. It’s an excellent recipe to have in your repertoire as it’s impressive in its composition despite its relatively uncomplicated construction. Just remember not to eat the galangal, kaffir lime leaves, or lemon grass. While they add to the flavor, they are largely inedible.

Yokai of the Week Xmas Edition – Mokumoku Ren

Merry Christmas and happy holidays to all!

Should you ever find yourself in Japan and come across an abandoned home in the countryside, beware of mokumoku ren. Literally meaning "continuous eyes," mokumoku ren are disembodied eyes that inhabit dilapidated screen doors. They are generally harmless, but some legends say that you'll go blind if you look at them. One possible way to get rid of them is to patch up the screen, but then you'd run the risk of them blinking your fingers off.

Pozole

It's been quite a long while since I've cooked anything remotely interesting. A lot of it has been stuff I've already made and posted before. But today I had enough time and raw materials to try something new.

I really like menudo (the food, not the boy group), but most of the people in my family don't care for tripe. So instead I made pozole, which is pretty much the non-tripe version of the soup. We had a large piece of pork butt roast (what can you make with pork butt roast that isn't good?) and I had most of the materials at hand save for the hominy. I don't like hominy that much, so I just replaced it with corn. I had some guajillas chiles, so I made a pozole rojo.

I do need to adjust a couple of things next time. I couldn't wait for the pork to get super tender, so some of it was still a little chewy. It was cooked all the way through mind you, but could have been more tender. Also it was too salty. Next time I'll add more water when the soup condenses. Aside from those two points, it wasn't bad at all.

Shitty Movie Review - "All About Steve"

I had heard a couple of extremely scathing reviews for "All About Steve" when it first came out, and I made a note at the time that I would have to see it. Several months later Sandra Bullock won the coveted Razzie for her portrayal of Mary Horowitz in the film, and I still had not seen it. A couple of months ago I had started to watch it, but paused ten minutes in because I couldn't pay attention while cooking. Sadly I lost my spot in the movie and wasn't able to watch it then. But today, today I finally had the chance to watch it, and was not disappointed.

First off, I don't feel that Sandra Bullock was truly deserving of her Razzie for this movie. Then again I don't feel she was truly deserving of her Oscar either. She puts on a brave performance as Mary Horowitz, a red-booted, thirty-something-year-old crossword puzzle writer afflicted with Asperger syndrome. Actually, the movie never explicitly states that she has Asperger syndrome, but many of the signs are there: she is physically clumsy, verbally compulsive, and socially maladjusted. And she nails this character, she owns it. Does that make her deserving of a Razzie? I don't think so. But before you start thinking this is a good movie, it's not. After all, I wouldn't be writing about it if it was.

Aside from Miss Bullock, there's a bevy of good and not so good actors in the movie. Bradley Cooper, Thomas Haden Church, and Ken Jeong play major roles in the movie, along with Keith David, D.J. Qualls, and Katy Mixon. Charlene Yi, Lucy Davis ("The Office," BBC version), and Geraldo Rivera even have cameos. It makes one wonder what favors these actors owed Sandra Bullock, who was also a producer on the film. While Thomas Haden Church offers a strong performance as the vapid, image-consumed newsman Hartman Hughes, D.J. Qualls is sadly underused, unable to show the acting range that has made him famous (i.e. crying on command). Bradley Cooper is pretty much there as a plot device, while Ken Jeong plays yet another version of himself.

The paper-thin story is about a very socially awkward woman who finds herself stalking her dream man in hopes of achieving some normalcy, but in the process makes real friends and finds that she doesn't really need her dream man to be normal. But what it's really about is social and mental disorders and how a social group can redefine you. Also, it's a satire on news media and news networks. A weak satire, but a satire nonetheless. The news is made out to be superficial, hype machines that really lack human emotion in comparison to Mary, a person who seemingly lacks human characteristics but it's all right because she has friends.

So here's the real question: what's with all the bronzer in this film? It's like a movie starring Oompa Loompas. Just looking at the poster makes you wonder what black-haired, jaundice-colored Ken Jeong is doing there. And if that isn't enough, why not tone down the exposure of the film. Was the director trying to make a shitty version of "Vidas Secas?" (Yeah, obscure reference, but if you get it you're a real film nerd.) If I had to describe the tone of the film, I would have to say it was orange.

I'd have to admit I'm a little bit torn over "All About Steve." Is it a bad movie? Yes. Is it a horrible movie? Yes. Is it a good movie? Hell no. Is it the worst movie of the year? No. Would I watch it again? Yes. It's definitely a shitty movie, yet it still doesn't feel nearly as bad as all the critics made it out to be. In some ways it feels more honest than "The Blind Side," or more entertaining than "The Proposal." Either way I can solidly recommend this movie, and suggest that you watch it along with those other two acclaimed 2009 Sandra Bullock movies and make your own judgments.

My shitty movie rating: 8 out of 10. Not Razzie bad, but good bad.

"Citizen Kane" of Genre Top Ten

I was listening to "Film Week on Air Talk" on NPR some years ago when they referred to "Dumbo" as "the "Citizen Kane"e of animated films." This got me thinking: what other "Citizen Kane"s are out there? So here's a list of movies for your consideration.

1. The "Citizen Kane" of Stupid Movies: "Dumb and Dumber"
2. The "Citizen Kane" of Action Movies: "Die Hard"
3. The "Citizen Kane" of Spoof Movies: "Airplane!"
4. The "Citizen Kane" of Mockumentary Movies: "This Is Spinal Tap"
5. The "Citizen Kane" of Platonic Football Love Movies: "Brian Song"
6. The "Citizen Kane" of Monster Movies (Natural): "Jaws"
7. The "Citizen Kane" of Monster Movies (Giant): "Godzilla"
8. The "Citizen Kane" of Monster Movies (Horror): "Frankenstein"
9. The "Citizen Kane" of Biopics (Fiction): "Citizen Kane"
10. The "Citizen Kane" of Biopics (Non-Fiction): "Lawrence of Arabia"