Monday, March 1, 2010

Robot Unicorn Attack - The Review

Rarely does a work come along that, once you've experienced it, you realize it is a masterpiece--everything about it so carefully chosen and woven together in perfection that it makes you wonder why no one had thought of it in the first place. Such is Robot Unicorn Attack, a Flash game from [adult swim].

Upon entering the game, the player is asked to "press Z to make [his] wishes come true!" The player gets three wishes (chances) as he takes control of the robot unicorn which gallops at ever increasing speeds over a sparse terrain of floating islands in the sky, complete with clouds and rainbows in the background. Using only two buttons, the robot unicorn can jump, double jump, and dash to avoid falling to its death or crashing into terrain and exploding into millions of pieces causing its head to fly at the screen. Along the way robot unicorn can also jump to catch fairies and dash through large star roadblocks to earn points. Each time robot unicorn dies, and if the player does not garner enough points, he is told, his "dreams did not come true." The player can then "press 'Z' to chase [his] dreams again!" But if the player earns enough points, his wish is granted, and he becomes "a star!"
The game is easy to pick up, but still challenging enough despite it's simple mechanics. Once you start playing Robot Unicorn Attack, you will find yourself at odd moments of the day yearning to play it--that is, of course, if you are not already playing it.

But the game itself is so much greater than its gameplay. The artwork is spot-on. Robot unicorn has the appearance of a metallic, robotic unicorn with a rainbow mane and tail. And when robot unicorn jumps, a rainbow and stars trail behind it. Gathering fairies yields more stars, and once robot unicorn has gotten far enough, dolphins appear, jumping across the bottom of the stage as if they always want to be with you, and make believe with you, and live in harmony, harmony, oh love! Which brings us to the oh so important music.

Accompanying robot unicorn in make believe, harmony, and love is Erasure's 1994 hit single, Always. When Erasure wrote and performed this song, they probably didn't know that they were really writing it for Robot Unicorn Attack, but they were. Always and Robot Unicorn Attack go together like stoners and White Castle. Hall and Oates. ToeJam and Earl. It's a marriage that was destined to be, and it couldn't be more appropriate.

"Awesome" is a word that is overused in society today, and much of its impact has waned over time. But imagine it like it was centuries ago, when hearing it was like a righteous punch of goodness in your overloaded gut, causing uriny bad-assitude to issue forth. Now take that and multiply it by rad to the power of sick, and that's what Robot Unicorn Attack is, full on awesome!

Play Robot Unicorn Attack. Now.

BONUS!!!: Always music video. May it always be with you.


  1. I think the comments after you die depend on how you died. The "You became a star" statement appears if you accidentally crash into a star without dashing into it. The "Your wishes did not come true" statement appears if you crash into a wall. I've also seen a third for if you fall off the ledge and fall to your harmonious death.

  2. That would make more sense. It only goes to show that despite all my research of the game, I have not researched enough. Now, for even more research.