Thursday, March 4, 2010

Our Noisy Bodies - "Boi-oing" vs. "Bwowm"

I once had a conversation with a friend about how the world would be different if we could see each others' flatus. Whereas I would take a more demure approach, he said if that were the case, he would break wind more often in public. I thought of this in a conversation with my sister in which I pondered what the world would be like if male erections and women's breasts made noise.

For the female breast, I assumed the onomatopoeia, "bwowm" as the appropriate noise, the number of "O"s an indication of breast size and general bounciness. For men, "boi-oing" just seemed right.

If our body parts made noise due to natural movements or reactions, would people try to downplay the noises or ignore them completely? I suppose if people had always been like this, this would be a moot point. But if a sudden variation were to occur such that the human body were suddenly changed, would we still be embarrassed and self-conscious about the noises our bodies make?

Initially, hearing such noises might be comical. An inappropriate "boi-oi-oing" or a sudden "bwooowm" is likely to elicit some titters here and there. In some cases, it might also be helpful. At a strip club, the "boi-oi-oing" (in reaction to "bwooooowm") would be clear aural feedback of a patron's arousal. But imagine on the flip side, a stripper who does not get a "boi-oing." It is one thing not to get tipped, and another to have an understanding of being physically undesirable.

Then there are those awkward moments, like introducing a guy friend to your attractive girlfriend. Or a well endowed woman jogging in a marathon. And how noisy would it be at convention like AVN's Adult Entertainment Expo? The constant inadvertent male "boi-oing" might become a perpetual annoyance to some, but white noise to others. And women might find the sound of their breasts nauseatingly loud with each increasing implant. But then again, if science can make a bigger "bwoooooooooowm" and longer lasting "boi-oi-oing," then it could probably come up with a way to make the two quieter as well.

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