Sunday, February 14, 2010

Heaven's Crowded, Yo

Sometimes I wonder about the plausibility of an afterlife that in any way mimics life on Earth. A lot of religions presume that everyone should be happy in heaven, but that's really pushing certain limits. An over-crowded place or an under-crowded place might not be the most satisfying eternity, so aside from population capacity issues, what about the transplantation of earthly relationships--for instance multiple marriages?

Perhaps there are those cases in the afterlife where the first wife really does approve of the second wife. But what about all those other instances, particularly with multiple remarriages for widows and widowers? It's hard to imagine everyone getting along under those circumstances. Although I can imagine the cattiness.

And you did what with her? In our bed?

To be fair, you were dead. And I didn't do anything for at least half a year.

You're angry? This bastard remarried after he said he'd never love anyone more than me.

I can't believe you were married to her.

You bitch! At least I'm not a fat ass like you!

You shouldn't be talking you whore.

I'm just gonna...

And the husband slinks away.

Granted in all likelihood any one of these individuals wouldn't pass the rigorous qualifications it might take to get into heaven, but if they all did, could they really all be happy together? Even if they were all good people, that's a lot of minding your P's and Q's. It sounds like more potential for a hellish nightmare than bliss.

And what about all those friends and family that you liked when you were alive? I know I have lots of relatives of whom I am very fond. But I also know some of them are cranks who just want their peace and quiet. If any of them got into heaven, I don't think their idea of happiness would be the same as mine. I can imagine what they'd say: "You might like me a lot but I like you maybe not so much." That would't make me so happy.

Hopefully the afterlife is like a giant fishbowl, where we're all like little sperm just floating around. No all-happy or all-sad. If you bump into someone, you bump into someone. Have a chat and float along. That would be pretty cool. Being sperm.

No comments:

Post a Comment