Sunday, June 6, 2010

Wrestling: Fact or Fiction

In the vein of "Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction," I'm going to present several professional wrestling gimmicks from the WWE. Some will be fact and some will be fiction, and it's your job to figure out which are which. For some of you this will be pretty easy, but for others it will be ridiculous. Post your answers (fact/fiction) in the comments section. Answers will follow next week.

1. Barber

The Barber would shave the heads of his opponents after defeating them. He hosted a segment called the "Barber Shop" where he would interview fellow wrestlers in a barber shop set in the ring.

2. Astronaut

The Astronaut would walk to the ring in a NASA spacesuit. He was prone to monologuing in overly dramatic fashion about returning to Earth, despite already being here. His finishing move was known as the "Final Countdown."

3. Tax Man

The Tax Man wore glasses, a short-sleeved dress shirt with suspenders and dark dress slacks. His theme song was the sound of typing with a carriage return. His finishing move was called the "Stock Market Crash."

4. Artist

The Artist would come to the ring with various art tools, like brushes and an easel. After defeating his opponents, he would often paint a quick, sloppy portrait of them. He hosted a segment called the "Artist's Corner," where he would interview wrestlers while he painted, often badly.

5. Turkey

For weeks, fans wondered what was in the giant egg that was spotlighted in weekly episodes, when finally it hatched and out a came ... a giant Turkey. The Turkey walked to the ring and danced around ... and was subsequently never heard from again until years later when he showed up in a battle royale.

6. Pirate

The rotund Pirate was French and a descendant of pirates. He came complete with an eye patch over his glass eye. His finishing move was called "Le Cannonball."

7. Mountie

The Mountie wore a typical mountie uniform. Instead of enforcing the general law, he enforced his own as he saw fit. Thus, he wasn't really a good guy. His theme song, which he sang, mentioned that "he always got his man."

8. Retard

The Retard was a thirty-year-old man with the mind of a child. Despite this, they let him wrestle. In the ring, he would imitate the moves of his favorite wrestlers.

9. Clown

The Clown was dressed in colorful garb with bright green hair and a red nose. His entrance music was stereotypical clown music, with slide whistles. His finishing move was called the "Whoopie Cushion."

10. Architect

The Architect originally designed houses for wealthy wrestling heels. He would usually accompany them to the ring like a manager, standing outside the ring while pounding his fist on the mat and pointing at blueprints. He only wrestled a handful of times, and had a finisher called the "Flying Buttress."

And here's one gimmick I couldn't make up even if I wanted to. Enjoy this classic moment in wrestling: the Shockmaster. You'll have to watch till the end for the payoff.

1 comment:

  1. 1. Barber - fact
    2. Astronaut - fiction
    3. Tax Man - fact. Dude's name was IRS.
    4. Artist - fiction
    5. Turkey - fiction
    6. Pirate - fiction...maybe?
    7. Mountie - fact
    8. Retard - FACT! I totally remember this being true.
    9. Clown - I wanna say fact...because I can imagine the "Whoopie Cushion"
    10. Architect - fiction for lameness?