Sure it seems a simple enough thing not to do, but living with a cactus can be a prickly relationship. And it's surprising how many people resort to verbal and physical violence when dealing with their cactus. In the end, it never turns out well.
Arguing with a cactus can be frustrating, and can also lead to the further escalation of an argument, ultimately ending in physical violence. This is in large part due to the fact that cacti are plants, and as such have no mouths and are unable to speak. Additionally, the lack of movable appendages also means that they are unable to communicate via sign language or other form of constructive gesturing. So arguing with a cactus is generally a one-sided affair, and should best be avoided outright. Counting to ten slowly has proven to be an effective way to deal with the onset of a sudden fight reaction. However this does not always resolve the situation, and many people have found themselves physically assaulting their cactus.
Cacti are primarily defensive, choosing to remain firm and steadfast in the face of attack. Most cacti are surrounded by sharp spines and thorns which greatly augment their defensive capabilities. Thus direct hand-to-hand combat with a cactus rarely sees the assailant getting the better of the plant. Of course weapons can be utilized to nullify any advantage that the cactus may have, but such instances are usually viewed as cowardly and unsportsmanlike.
In the event that the cactus wins the fight, the loser's original stance is usually undermined which only serves to breed more ill contempt toward the cactus until more frequent and violent arguments become the norm. For the owner, winning a fight with a cactus is usually a fatal endeavor with respect to the cactus, and although plantacide is not a chargeable offense, it is denigrated amongst other plants and plant lovers. Futhermore, plantacide can often lead to feelings of remorse and depression over the death of the cactus.
Fighting with a cactus is a serious issue, and should not be taken likely. Cactus owners should be respectful and sensitive to their cactus' needs, as it is often humans' misunderstanding of cacti that creates rifts between owners and their cacti. If the responsible owner takes the time to really get to know his or her cactus, then there would be far less owner-cactus violence in this world.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Deep-Fried Wulf Top Ten Hot Topics
Here's a list of the most common topics of conversation for the moment within Deep-Fried Wulf.
1. Huell Howser
2. Baby Terminators
3. Tomica Hero: Rescue Fire
4. Nazis/Hitler
5. Barjan
6. Scientology
7. Guam
8. The Island
9. Milpitas/The Milpitas Monster
10. King Arthur and the Knights of Justice
1. Huell Howser
2. Baby Terminators
3. Tomica Hero: Rescue Fire
4. Nazis/Hitler
5. Barjan
6. Scientology
7. Guam
8. The Island
9. Milpitas/The Milpitas Monster
10. King Arthur and the Knights of Justice
Victory Dance
Sometimes I get down. It doesn't happen often, but it happens. However in cases such as those, I've found a surefire way to mitigate the feelings of depression and melancholy: victory dance.
Doesn't it look like fun when Rocky does it? Raising your hands above your head and dancing around victoriously can provide one with the illusory feeling of just having achieved victory. Try it. It's difficult to feel sad or angry during a victory dance. Have you ever seen anybody crying tears of sadness as they performed a victory dance? Or making an angry face? It doesn’t even matter if you haven’t accomplished anything. Or have you? Aren't you feeling a little less like a loser and more like a winner? Losers don't get to put their arms up in the air while dancing around. No, that's an activity reserved for winners.
And if anybody looks at you funny, all you have to do is start chanting, “U.S.A.! U.S.A.!”* How can anybody knock you for that? If someone makes a snide remark, who’s the asshole then? It is probably best not to do this in countries other than the United States though.
*Possible side effect of the "U.S.A." chant includes getting pumped up, so use sparingly. Works against ghosts.
Doesn't it look like fun when Rocky does it? Raising your hands above your head and dancing around victoriously can provide one with the illusory feeling of just having achieved victory. Try it. It's difficult to feel sad or angry during a victory dance. Have you ever seen anybody crying tears of sadness as they performed a victory dance? Or making an angry face? It doesn’t even matter if you haven’t accomplished anything. Or have you? Aren't you feeling a little less like a loser and more like a winner? Losers don't get to put their arms up in the air while dancing around. No, that's an activity reserved for winners.
And if anybody looks at you funny, all you have to do is start chanting, “U.S.A.! U.S.A.!”* How can anybody knock you for that? If someone makes a snide remark, who’s the asshole then? It is probably best not to do this in countries other than the United States though.
*Possible side effect of the "U.S.A." chant includes getting pumped up, so use sparingly. Works against ghosts.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
The Pitch - Live-Action M.A.S.K.
So one of the reasons I started a blog is so that I can pitch ideas that I want to see happen. Some might be wondering, "Why don't you make these happen?" Well, because they're pretty stupid (I keep the good ones to myself). Besides, if I send out my ideas into the ether that is the internet and some other schmuck goes and makes them happen, then wasn't I really the one responsible for making them happen because it was my idea and I put it out there in the first place?
___
Some of my friends say it can't be done. Some say we're not technologically advanced enough to shoot it, or that it's simply unshootable on a budget, or that there's zero interest in the property. But I don't believe that, and neither should you. In my lifetime, there could be, should be, needs to be a live-action M.A.S.K. movie. I'm not talking about that movie with Eric Stoltz where he has the genetic defect that causes his facial bones to grow imprisoning him in a figurative and literal mask. I'm talking about M.A.S.K., Mobile Armored Strike Kommand. Dudes wearing masks. With powers. And vehicles that transform. Into other vehicles.
M.A.S.K. was a watershed animated children's program and toyline in the mid-1980s. It combined elements of the highly popular G.I. Joe and Transformers franchises. The program's storyline followed an anti-criminal organization, M.A.S.K., as they crossed paths with an evil organization, V.E.N.O.M. (Vicious Evil Network of Mayhem).
The main draw of the series were their transforming vehicles and power bestowing masks. Vehicles and headquarters could generally assume both a normal form, and an enhanced combat form. For instance, the Gator was an orange Jeep 4x4 that had the ability to deploy a hydroplane, and the Switchblade was a helicopter that could transform into a jet. Furthermore, every vehicle was accompanied by a figure who in turn came with a unique mask that granted him or her various abilities, such as Dusty Hayes(packaged with the aforementioned Gator) whose Backlash mask "pretend[ed] to cause sonic waves." Another character, Cliff Dagger, came with a mask that "pretend[ed] to be a flame thrower." The toyline proved to be popular, although the program was short-lived, only lasting 75 episodes over two seasons.
So naturally, following the success of the live-action Transformers and G.I. Joe films, Hollywood would be jumping on the M.A.S.K. bandwagon, right? Wrong. As far as I know, there are no scripts in development. No buzz about whose going to play Matt Trakker. Nada. So what's the problem? Let's break it down.
Not technologically advanced enough
Now this clearly isn't the problem. Michael Bay has demonstrated that there's nothing you can't do with CG given the budget and the time that when loaded with explosions and devoid of logic won't be a bonafide blockbuster. And James Cameron has pushed the envelope even further, creating whole computer generated worlds in 3-D no less. So it would appear that technology is not the culprit preventing me from seeing people wearing masks pretending to cause sonic waves and pretending to shoot flames at each other.
Unshootable on a budget
Perhaps this one is debatable, and also goes hand in hand with argument three. Again referring to Michael Bay's Transformers and Stephen Sommers' G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, we see a conservative approach used to deliver a movie under budget that still manages to wow the audience. By carefully choosing to depict a smaller amount of the popular core characters, and cost-effective hiring of young-not-yet-star actors, both Sommers and Bay were able to free up a larger percentage of their budget for special effects. M.A.S.K. could easily copy this formula, choosing to stick with the main core characters from the first wave of toys while holding off on the new second wave characters until the possible sequel. (I don't think Jacques LaFleur would be missed.)
There's zero interest in the property
Now this clearly is not true. I'm interested in the property. At least one other fan whose site I referenced to write this article is interested in the property. So there are people out there who have their eye on the situation waiting to see what happens. And as Field of Dreams said, "If you build it, they will come." So why then hasn't Hollywood struck while the '80s toyline revival iron is hot?
M.A.S.K.'s second season and the French
Okay. I'll admit it. The second season of M.A.S.K. was a dumb idea. In the second season, the show venue moved to the automobile race track. The same characters were there. Both factions remained present. Only now everything was racing themed, so as to coincide with the release of the third wave of toys which were all racing themed. Did any of this make sense? No, and perhaps that is a reason why Hollywood is reluctant to produce a feature length movie.
Then there's also DIC Entertainment, the French-American company that produced the show, and let's face it--Americans don't like the French. So there's a love-hate relationship with this Franco-American lovechild, and nobody wants to argue with the French for custody. So there you have the most compelling reason why an intellectually bankrupt Hollywood hasn't come sniffing around M.A.S.K.'s rear end for a chance at a most likely blockbuster hit. But if there are any Hollywood executives out there reading this, you should jump on this now. I'm telling you it's a done deal. You've got at least two tickets sold by the second week of opening, that's like -$0.46 after cost, so as long the budget is at least under -$0.46, you'll cut a profit. Heck, if it's really bad, I may just see it twice, and bring my friends along for the wreck. As long as it doesn't actually involve any of season two's car wrecks.
___
Some of my friends say it can't be done. Some say we're not technologically advanced enough to shoot it, or that it's simply unshootable on a budget, or that there's zero interest in the property. But I don't believe that, and neither should you. In my lifetime, there could be, should be, needs to be a live-action M.A.S.K. movie. I'm not talking about that movie with Eric Stoltz where he has the genetic defect that causes his facial bones to grow imprisoning him in a figurative and literal mask. I'm talking about M.A.S.K., Mobile Armored Strike Kommand. Dudes wearing masks. With powers. And vehicles that transform. Into other vehicles.
M.A.S.K. was a watershed animated children's program and toyline in the mid-1980s. It combined elements of the highly popular G.I. Joe and Transformers franchises. The program's storyline followed an anti-criminal organization, M.A.S.K., as they crossed paths with an evil organization, V.E.N.O.M. (Vicious Evil Network of Mayhem).
The main draw of the series were their transforming vehicles and power bestowing masks. Vehicles and headquarters could generally assume both a normal form, and an enhanced combat form. For instance, the Gator was an orange Jeep 4x4 that had the ability to deploy a hydroplane, and the Switchblade was a helicopter that could transform into a jet. Furthermore, every vehicle was accompanied by a figure who in turn came with a unique mask that granted him or her various abilities, such as Dusty Hayes(packaged with the aforementioned Gator) whose Backlash mask "pretend[ed] to cause sonic waves." Another character, Cliff Dagger, came with a mask that "pretend[ed] to be a flame thrower." The toyline proved to be popular, although the program was short-lived, only lasting 75 episodes over two seasons.
So naturally, following the success of the live-action Transformers and G.I. Joe films, Hollywood would be jumping on the M.A.S.K. bandwagon, right? Wrong. As far as I know, there are no scripts in development. No buzz about whose going to play Matt Trakker. Nada. So what's the problem? Let's break it down.
Not technologically advanced enough
Now this clearly isn't the problem. Michael Bay has demonstrated that there's nothing you can't do with CG given the budget and the time that when loaded with explosions and devoid of logic won't be a bonafide blockbuster. And James Cameron has pushed the envelope even further, creating whole computer generated worlds in 3-D no less. So it would appear that technology is not the culprit preventing me from seeing people wearing masks pretending to cause sonic waves and pretending to shoot flames at each other.
Unshootable on a budget
Perhaps this one is debatable, and also goes hand in hand with argument three. Again referring to Michael Bay's Transformers and Stephen Sommers' G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, we see a conservative approach used to deliver a movie under budget that still manages to wow the audience. By carefully choosing to depict a smaller amount of the popular core characters, and cost-effective hiring of young-not-yet-star actors, both Sommers and Bay were able to free up a larger percentage of their budget for special effects. M.A.S.K. could easily copy this formula, choosing to stick with the main core characters from the first wave of toys while holding off on the new second wave characters until the possible sequel. (I don't think Jacques LaFleur would be missed.)
There's zero interest in the property
Now this clearly is not true. I'm interested in the property. At least one other fan whose site I referenced to write this article is interested in the property. So there are people out there who have their eye on the situation waiting to see what happens. And as Field of Dreams said, "If you build it, they will come." So why then hasn't Hollywood struck while the '80s toyline revival iron is hot?
M.A.S.K.'s second season and the French
Okay. I'll admit it. The second season of M.A.S.K. was a dumb idea. In the second season, the show venue moved to the automobile race track. The same characters were there. Both factions remained present. Only now everything was racing themed, so as to coincide with the release of the third wave of toys which were all racing themed. Did any of this make sense? No, and perhaps that is a reason why Hollywood is reluctant to produce a feature length movie.
Then there's also DIC Entertainment, the French-American company that produced the show, and let's face it--Americans don't like the French. So there's a love-hate relationship with this Franco-American lovechild, and nobody wants to argue with the French for custody. So there you have the most compelling reason why an intellectually bankrupt Hollywood hasn't come sniffing around M.A.S.K.'s rear end for a chance at a most likely blockbuster hit. But if there are any Hollywood executives out there reading this, you should jump on this now. I'm telling you it's a done deal. You've got at least two tickets sold by the second week of opening, that's like -$0.46 after cost, so as long the budget is at least under -$0.46, you'll cut a profit. Heck, if it's really bad, I may just see it twice, and bring my friends along for the wreck. As long as it doesn't actually involve any of season two's car wrecks.
Time Train - Chapter 1
This is a semi-original serial that I am writing. If you enjoy it, I plan to write many chapters more. If not, I'll probably still continue to write it.
___
Rhubarb T. Porterhut III had just finished his greatest creation. Although he thought he had reached the acme of his creativity when he bred the first ever self-epilating African Husky, he was clearly mistaken. For never could he have conceived that he would one day create the world’s first time traveling steam-powered locomotive.
In the parlor of his home, with his arms thrust skyward, he threw his head back and yelled for all the heavens and his incredulous Terre Haute neighbors to hear.
“Yes, Florentine, I have finally done it this time! For surely human eyes have never gazed upon such a mechanical abnormality as this!”
The proud scientist/animal breeder called out to his petite and overly indulgent wife, Florentine, who stepped into the parlor and nodded at him, waving her hand in approval.
“Yes, Dear. You’ve finally done it indeed. But what is it, may I inquire?”
“Why it is the world’s ... nay, history’s first ever space-distance and time-duration modulating traversal apparatus.”
Florentine shook her head. She was used to her husband’s long-winded speeches, laden with incomprehensible scientific jargon. As with the rest of his creations, this one was lost on her meager intellect.
“But, Dear, it appears to me to be a locomotive… in our house. Dear, a locomotive in our house.”
“Yes, Florentine, is it not grand? With this infernal machine, I will embark upon great adventures through space and time. Why, perhaps I will visit yesteryear, and learn the God’s honest truths about our nation’s forefathers. Or to the future, to learn of our country’s fascinating new endeavors.”
“You do that, Dear. As long as you and Columbus are back in time for supper.”
Columbus barked when he heard his name. The overly precocious African Husky was not one for adventure, and quickly began shedding what little hair he had at the thought of time travel. Rhubarb gestured wildly at him, while Florentine headed back into the kitchen.
“Come, Columbus! We must embark now for who knows what Father Time has in store for us?”
___
Rhubarb T. Porterhut III had just finished his greatest creation. Although he thought he had reached the acme of his creativity when he bred the first ever self-epilating African Husky, he was clearly mistaken. For never could he have conceived that he would one day create the world’s first time traveling steam-powered locomotive.
In the parlor of his home, with his arms thrust skyward, he threw his head back and yelled for all the heavens and his incredulous Terre Haute neighbors to hear.
“Yes, Florentine, I have finally done it this time! For surely human eyes have never gazed upon such a mechanical abnormality as this!”
The proud scientist/animal breeder called out to his petite and overly indulgent wife, Florentine, who stepped into the parlor and nodded at him, waving her hand in approval.
“Yes, Dear. You’ve finally done it indeed. But what is it, may I inquire?”
“Why it is the world’s ... nay, history’s first ever space-distance and time-duration modulating traversal apparatus.”
Florentine shook her head. She was used to her husband’s long-winded speeches, laden with incomprehensible scientific jargon. As with the rest of his creations, this one was lost on her meager intellect.
“But, Dear, it appears to me to be a locomotive… in our house. Dear, a locomotive in our house.”
“Yes, Florentine, is it not grand? With this infernal machine, I will embark upon great adventures through space and time. Why, perhaps I will visit yesteryear, and learn the God’s honest truths about our nation’s forefathers. Or to the future, to learn of our country’s fascinating new endeavors.”
“You do that, Dear. As long as you and Columbus are back in time for supper.”
Columbus barked when he heard his name. The overly precocious African Husky was not one for adventure, and quickly began shedding what little hair he had at the thought of time travel. Rhubarb gestured wildly at him, while Florentine headed back into the kitchen.
“Come, Columbus! We must embark now for who knows what Father Time has in store for us?”
Monday, January 25, 2010
Irene's Pioneer Chicken - Still making chicken right!
I love fried chicken. Hell, I love fried anything, but fried chicken especially. We have plenty of fried chicken options in Los Angeles. Aside from the usual fast food options like KFC, Popeye's, and Church's, there's also Dinah's, Roscoe's, and Honey Kettle. But my all time favorite, which most of my friends know, is Pioneer Chicken. Young people today probably don't remember Pioneer, but back in the '80s they used to compete directly with KFC, back when they still served center breasts.
There is only the one Pioneer Chicken left in LA now, and that is Irene's Pioneer Chicken on Olympic Blvd. There used to be two others, one in Echo Park and one in Silver Lake, but these have since closed down. Besides, I don't believe that they used the original recipes anymore. According to Irene, the owner of the Olympic Pioneer, there are still two others left in Southern California. At one time I had also heard of a mystical Pioneer in the Arizona desert, but cannot confirm that.
I have a relatively long history with Irene's Pioneer Chicken, even before she owned it. When I was a young child, the nearest Pioneer used to be less than ten blocks away. When it closed and became a fast food Chinese takeout, that left either the Echo Park and Olympic locations as the closest options. I like gizzards and the Echo Park location either didn't offer them or had such a poor rendition that we instead went to the Olympic location.
At the time, that Pioneer was owned by an amiable Korean gentleman, and over the years we learned quite a bit about him. He had been a high ranking diplomat in Korea, a truth visible from his demeanor which was always dignified and professional. He had moved his family to the US in order that his children would have more opportunities to succeed. The fact that he left a high ranking position only to find himself in a much more blue collar job never kept him from dealing respectfully with both his customers as well as himself.
Pioneer Chicken lay along the route between my home and university, so I found myself dining there more frequently while I was in college. The other members of my family were also frequent customers, and he would often greet us with a smile, tossing in a free drink or another piece of chicken whenever we went. In a world where fewer and fewer businesses are family operated, and where employees come and go, it was nice to have some familiarity and an interpersonal connection. So imagine my shock when a couple of years ago I stopped by the Pioneer and there was Irene, whom I had never seen before, standing behind the counter.
Irene explained that the previous owner's wife had been wanting him to retire. However he didn't want to just close the business, so he ended up selling it to a relative, Irene. He couldn't have made a better choice. Irene is a very friendly and generous lady, not much unlike the older gentleman who had previously occupied her post. I've continued on as a regular customer, and have gotten to know her as well. She still prepares the food using the same recipes and methods along with the help of Lorenzo, the cook and a holdover from the previous ownership. It looks as though business has grown since then, and I hope it continues.
In all of this I realize I have talked very little about the actual food. It is good. Very good in fact. I could write volumes on what I like about their chicken. But I don't think I have to. Most of that has already been summed up in my feelings about the people who run it--for without them, it would be just another fried chicken place.
This picture was taken at a previous date. It only shows the gizzards and spicy rice. I had Pioneer Chicken tonight, but it was pretty much gone by the time it hit the table, so I wasn't able to take a picture.
Irene's Pioneer Chicken
5970 W Olympic Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90036
(323) 954-0454
Closed on Sundays
There is only the one Pioneer Chicken left in LA now, and that is Irene's Pioneer Chicken on Olympic Blvd. There used to be two others, one in Echo Park and one in Silver Lake, but these have since closed down. Besides, I don't believe that they used the original recipes anymore. According to Irene, the owner of the Olympic Pioneer, there are still two others left in Southern California. At one time I had also heard of a mystical Pioneer in the Arizona desert, but cannot confirm that.
I have a relatively long history with Irene's Pioneer Chicken, even before she owned it. When I was a young child, the nearest Pioneer used to be less than ten blocks away. When it closed and became a fast food Chinese takeout, that left either the Echo Park and Olympic locations as the closest options. I like gizzards and the Echo Park location either didn't offer them or had such a poor rendition that we instead went to the Olympic location.
At the time, that Pioneer was owned by an amiable Korean gentleman, and over the years we learned quite a bit about him. He had been a high ranking diplomat in Korea, a truth visible from his demeanor which was always dignified and professional. He had moved his family to the US in order that his children would have more opportunities to succeed. The fact that he left a high ranking position only to find himself in a much more blue collar job never kept him from dealing respectfully with both his customers as well as himself.
Pioneer Chicken lay along the route between my home and university, so I found myself dining there more frequently while I was in college. The other members of my family were also frequent customers, and he would often greet us with a smile, tossing in a free drink or another piece of chicken whenever we went. In a world where fewer and fewer businesses are family operated, and where employees come and go, it was nice to have some familiarity and an interpersonal connection. So imagine my shock when a couple of years ago I stopped by the Pioneer and there was Irene, whom I had never seen before, standing behind the counter.
Irene explained that the previous owner's wife had been wanting him to retire. However he didn't want to just close the business, so he ended up selling it to a relative, Irene. He couldn't have made a better choice. Irene is a very friendly and generous lady, not much unlike the older gentleman who had previously occupied her post. I've continued on as a regular customer, and have gotten to know her as well. She still prepares the food using the same recipes and methods along with the help of Lorenzo, the cook and a holdover from the previous ownership. It looks as though business has grown since then, and I hope it continues.
In all of this I realize I have talked very little about the actual food. It is good. Very good in fact. I could write volumes on what I like about their chicken. But I don't think I have to. Most of that has already been summed up in my feelings about the people who run it--for without them, it would be just another fried chicken place.
This picture was taken at a previous date. It only shows the gizzards and spicy rice. I had Pioneer Chicken tonight, but it was pretty much gone by the time it hit the table, so I wasn't able to take a picture.
Irene's Pioneer Chicken
5970 W Olympic Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90036
(323) 954-0454
Closed on Sundays
Sunday, January 24, 2010
New segment! Celebrity Sightings - Luke Perry
I live in Los Angeles where quite a few celebrities live, plus I used to work at a Mail Boxes, Etc. where a lot of actors and Hollywood types used to have mailboxes. Now I can't talk about their mail, but I can talk about some of my interactions with them. These will be all 100% true. Today's edition is about Luke Perry.
Luke Perry actually lives across from my grandma, so I've seen him quite a bit. He's nice enough, waving hello from across the street to my grandma, his ever present baseball cap pulled down low. Quite a few times he's had a large truck and trailer outside his house as he's quite the dirt bike enthusiast.
Well Mr. Perry also had a mailbox at the Mail Boxes, Etc. at which I used to work. His wife (I believe ex-wife, now), Minnie, used to always pick up the mail. She is beyond sweet, and is a very lovely woman. Now when your box got too full, we had to empty the box and hold the mail so that you would have to sign for it. This was to ensure that people picked up their mail regularly. Well one day Mr. Perry came in, and, well, here's the script:
MIDNIGHTHUNNYRUN
Mr. Perry, we're holding a lot of mail for you, do you want to sign for it?
MidnightHunnyRun holds up the bag for Luke Perry to see, and Mr. Perry stares at it.
(beat)
Luke Perry sighs.
(beat)
LUKE PERRY
Fuck.
(beat)
I'll pick it up later.
Luke Perry leaves. And never comes back.
THE END
This was the one and only time I have ever talked to Luke Perry, despite the fact that he lives across the street from my grandma. I don't dislike him for it, but I still find it funny nonetheless. So that's the first of my celebrity sightings. Some are less interesting than that, but I have plenty. Stay tuned for episodes starring David Schwimmer, Heather Graham, and Susan Sarandon.
Luke Perry actually lives across from my grandma, so I've seen him quite a bit. He's nice enough, waving hello from across the street to my grandma, his ever present baseball cap pulled down low. Quite a few times he's had a large truck and trailer outside his house as he's quite the dirt bike enthusiast.
Well Mr. Perry also had a mailbox at the Mail Boxes, Etc. at which I used to work. His wife (I believe ex-wife, now), Minnie, used to always pick up the mail. She is beyond sweet, and is a very lovely woman. Now when your box got too full, we had to empty the box and hold the mail so that you would have to sign for it. This was to ensure that people picked up their mail regularly. Well one day Mr. Perry came in, and, well, here's the script:
MIDNIGHTHUNNYRUN
Mr. Perry, we're holding a lot of mail for you, do you want to sign for it?
MidnightHunnyRun holds up the bag for Luke Perry to see, and Mr. Perry stares at it.
(beat)
Luke Perry sighs.
(beat)
LUKE PERRY
Fuck.
(beat)
I'll pick it up later.
Luke Perry leaves. And never comes back.
THE END
This was the one and only time I have ever talked to Luke Perry, despite the fact that he lives across the street from my grandma. I don't dislike him for it, but I still find it funny nonetheless. So that's the first of my celebrity sightings. Some are less interesting than that, but I have plenty. Stay tuned for episodes starring David Schwimmer, Heather Graham, and Susan Sarandon.
No swimming in the dirt!
So recently (as in just yesterday) it was brought to my attention that swimming in the dirt is illegal in Santa Ana or some other place in California. Now I have no idea how you would do that in the first place, but why is it illegal? This brings up a number of concerns with the interpretation of the law. According to my friend Mike, who is in no way a lawyer:
- Treading water can be construed as swimming, thus is illegal.
- Diving into dirt is illegal. However diving into dirt to save a drowning person is legal.
- Walking, or crawling, through dirt is legal, as your feet are touching the ground. However the Australian crawl is illegal.
- Soil can be considered similar to dirt, thus illegal. We are undecided about sand.
- Doing the worm is illegal as it is simply the butterfly sans arms. (Clarification on this one attributed to A.)
Also, the question of mud's relationship to dirt in this situation was also brought up. As I see it, dirt is solid whereas mud is a suspension and therefore does not fall under the same law.
If anybody (with actual legal knowledge) can shed light on this law, it would be greatly appreciated.
- Treading water can be construed as swimming, thus is illegal.
- Diving into dirt is illegal. However diving into dirt to save a drowning person is legal.
- Walking, or crawling, through dirt is legal, as your feet are touching the ground. However the Australian crawl is illegal.
- Soil can be considered similar to dirt, thus illegal. We are undecided about sand.
- Doing the worm is illegal as it is simply the butterfly sans arms. (Clarification on this one attributed to A.)
Also, the question of mud's relationship to dirt in this situation was also brought up. As I see it, dirt is solid whereas mud is a suspension and therefore does not fall under the same law.
If anybody (with actual legal knowledge) can shed light on this law, it would be greatly appreciated.
Lefty's Chicago Pizzeria in San Diego
After a day of moderate to heavy lifting (and way too many Huell Howser impressions), friends Mike and Alana treated us to the best Chicago-style deep dish pizza San Diego has to offer, Lefty's Chicago Pizzeria. We got one pepperoni deep dish pizza and one sausage deep dish pizza. Pictured is the pepperoni (I didn't get a photo of the sausage, but you should be able to extrapolate).
Some notes on the magnitude of this pizza:
- Large enough to be a doggy bed for a toy breed.
- Could be a trampoline for a 1-2 month infant.
- Would make a decent drummers bench, if flipped upside down.*
- Would make an adequate toilet seat cover with plenty of padding and tomato sauce rump warmer.
- Toy plastic dinosaurs could conceivably sink into and be trapped in the sauce and cheese a la the La Brea Tar Pits.
I am no expert of pizzas, particularly Chicago-style deep dish (I'm from LA), but I very much enjoyed the pepperoni pizza which had a layer of pepperonis an 1/8 inch thick right above the dough. But I enjoyed the sausage not so much. The sausage was slightly blander and not what I would expect of pizza sausage. On the other hand, if there were whole Italian sausages hidden within, hint, hint...
In any case, if you find yourself in San Diego with a hankering for a pizza pie, I suggest you give this place a try. Closed Mondays.
Lefty's Chicago Pizzeria
North Park
3448 30th Street
San Diego, CA 92104
(619) 295-1720
Mission Hills
4030 Goldfinch Street
San Diego, CA 92103
(619) 299-4030
Lefty's Chicago Pizzeria
*Don't try this at home.
Some notes on the magnitude of this pizza:
- Large enough to be a doggy bed for a toy breed.
- Could be a trampoline for a 1-2 month infant.
- Would make a decent drummers bench, if flipped upside down.*
- Would make an adequate toilet seat cover with plenty of padding and tomato sauce rump warmer.
- Toy plastic dinosaurs could conceivably sink into and be trapped in the sauce and cheese a la the La Brea Tar Pits.
I am no expert of pizzas, particularly Chicago-style deep dish (I'm from LA), but I very much enjoyed the pepperoni pizza which had a layer of pepperonis an 1/8 inch thick right above the dough. But I enjoyed the sausage not so much. The sausage was slightly blander and not what I would expect of pizza sausage. On the other hand, if there were whole Italian sausages hidden within, hint, hint...
In any case, if you find yourself in San Diego with a hankering for a pizza pie, I suggest you give this place a try. Closed Mondays.
Lefty's Chicago Pizzeria
North Park
3448 30th Street
San Diego, CA 92104
(619) 295-1720
Mission Hills
4030 Goldfinch Street
San Diego, CA 92103
(619) 299-4030
Lefty's Chicago Pizzeria
*Don't try this at home.
Chicago Bulls at the LA Clippers 10/28/95 preseason
I finished pulling the highlights from my first game of this project. While watching the game I had a few observations, as well as remembered some things.
Remembered:
- When I first re-watched all these games, I got watching them down to 1 1/2 hours per game. The average NBA broadcast is 2 1/2 hours.
- How horrible the Clippers were then even with some talented young players. They're much better now.
New observations:
- I was surprised to hear in the pre-game show that Jordan thought they could win 70 games that season. Remember, this was even before the regular season began.
- The 3-point line was so much closer.
- I kind of miss the ever present scoreboard that is now present in all broadcast games, but it is nice being able to see more of what's happening on the floor.
And by the way, the Bulls won 116-94. No surprise there (although they had lost to that same Clipper team the night before).
Remembered:
- When I first re-watched all these games, I got watching them down to 1 1/2 hours per game. The average NBA broadcast is 2 1/2 hours.
- How horrible the Clippers were then even with some talented young players. They're much better now.
New observations:
- I was surprised to hear in the pre-game show that Jordan thought they could win 70 games that season. Remember, this was even before the regular season began.
- The 3-point line was so much closer.
- I kind of miss the ever present scoreboard that is now present in all broadcast games, but it is nice being able to see more of what's happening on the floor.
And by the way, the Bulls won 116-94. No surprise there (although they had lost to that same Clipper team the night before).
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